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I HAVE CONVINCED DH...

Dec 10, 2012 - 13 comments

I AM VERY DOWN STATE RIGHT NOW. I KEEP SEEING FRIENDS ON FB ANNOUNCE THAT THEY ARE EXPECTING AND IN SUCH CUTE WAYS. IT JUST SO FRUSTRATING BECAUSE THEY DONT EVEN HAVE TO TRY. DH KNOWS WHEN IM DOWN SO TODAY HE ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG. I TOLD HIM AND HE SAID IF ITS MEANT TO BE ITS MEANT TO BE. I REALLY DONT LIKE THAT SAYING BECAUSE WHAT IF ITS NOT MEANT TO BE??

IT HURTS SO MUCH OF THE POSSIBILITY THAT I MAY NOT BECOME A MOM. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE WHAT OTHER WOMEN EXPERIENCE. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO GO THROUGH LABOR, DEAL WITH THE MORNING SICKNESS, THE WEIGHT GAIN, PAIN, STRETCH MARKS AND EVERYTHING THAT COMES ALONG WITH BEING PREGNANT BECAUSE I KNOW WHEN THAT NINE MONTHS IS UP I WILL BE ABLE TO HOLD MY LITTLE ONE IN MY ARMS.

WE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT ADOPTION AND HE IS WILLING TO DO THAT TOO. I WOULD LOVE THEM AS IF THEY WERE MINE OWN BUT I KNOW IT WILL BE NOTHING LIKE HAVING A BIOLOGICAL CHILD. WE TALKED ABOUT DONOR SPERM BUT I DONT THINK EITHER OF US WOULD BE COMFORTABLE WITH THAT. WE EVEN TALKED ABOUT DONOR EGG AND SPERM BUT I HAVE TO DO SOME MORE RESEARCH TO UNDERSTAND THAT WHOLE PROCESS.

DH HAD A SA DONE A WHILE AGO AND THEY FOUND NO SPERM AT ALL :-( I TOLD HIM ABOUT A SURGERY BUT DH DOESNT WANT ANYMORE BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN THROUGH 13 DUE TO A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT. I CONVINCED HIM TO GO SEE A UROLOGIST TO GET SOME FURTHER TESTS DONE. HOPING AND PRAYING FOR THE BEST.

PS-IF ANY OF YOU KNOW ABOUT THE ADOPTION, DONOR EGG/SPERM PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LET ME KNOW. MESSAGE ME OR COMMENT.
                                                                                   -MELANIE



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by JennaRie, Dec 10, 2012
mhv recently had twins after doing IVF with donor embryos, so you might want to message her about the process.

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by retta483, Dec 10, 2012
praying that how ever the lord wants you to be a mom that you will be one soon :) I know however it happens you will love that baby or babies :) :)

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by mamaof4410, Dec 10, 2012
I pray that you and your dh get your precious angel regardless of how. Best of luck to you both!

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by a_waiting_butterfly81, Dec 10, 2012
@jennieRie-thanks for letting me know I will do that.

@retta483-thanks so much.

@mamaof4410-thank you i pray we do too.

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by stacey10, Dec 10, 2012
I was just going to say you could look inot donor embies as well, its just like adoption but you get to be pregnant and give birth :) they seem to be alot cheaper than DE, not sure about the us though.... a couple of clinics to look at if your up for an o/s holiday at the same time are Embio in Athens, the offer all of the above and also Reprofit in the Czech republic, I'm going to Embio and we want a holiday as well :)

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by stacey10, Dec 10, 2012
both clinics are around $4500 euro for Donor Egg, so thats all the  fresh eggs they get at retrieval time, donor sperm is about another 500 euro, or they can get sperm from the testicles (not sure of your situation) but that of course is an extra as well, for reprofit 1 donro embie is about 1180, and 2 are around 1280is euro I think they're frozen and for embio not too sure but they are around 2500 for embryo's :)

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by adgal, Dec 10, 2012
I have one naturally conceived child and we were very very close to doing donor embryo for our second.  It's not happening now as it seems I am not a great candidate, but I can tell you, I was very excited about the prospect.  If you are in the US, look into California Conceptions.  Total costs with meds and travel was going to work out to about $16,000 or so (and I am from Canada, so a bit more for me in terms of travel).  You do carry the baby yourself and I think for most people, the experience is identical.  It's like adoption, but you get the pleasure of going through a pregnancy.  We had investigated adoption as well, and at the end, cost is about the same.  I know more then one women who has done donor embryo, and not one of them feels any differently about their child/children then I do about mine.  They are yours, 100%.  It's a wonderful option, and has made parents out of many couples who didn't have a lot of options.

I know this is painful...it took me years to finally have my little man.  All I can tell you is that whatever option you decide, at the end, when you are holding that baby, it is all worth it.  Hard to believe that now I know, but it is.  I wish you all the best.

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by a_waiting_butterfly81, Dec 10, 2012
@adgal- i thank you so much for responding. I live in the US in Georgia. Im may sound a litle slow but what is the difference between donor embies and donor eggs?? When I search it gives me those options and im not sure whats the difference??

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by adgal, Dec 10, 2012
Donor eggs are just the egg on it's own, fertilized by your husbands sperm, and then implanted into your body.  If the primary issue is your husbands sperm count, it's not going to be a good choice for you.

Donor embryo's are typically left after a couple has completed the IVF process, and has embryo's they don't want to see destroyed, so they donate them to a couple like yourselves.  They are already fertilized, so both the egg and the sperm would be donor, and then frozen.  They are thawed and implanted into you.

Another option for you might be donor sperm, and this might likely be the least expensive.  If all is well with you, and the only issue is your husbands sperm, you could have donor sperm done through an IUI.  It would be your eggs.

In all honesty, I can tell you this. As someone who went through my own serious issues trying to have a child, it wouldn't have mattered to me if an alien had dropped a child off in my backyard.  I absolutely know I would feel no differently about my son regardless of how he was conceived.  The only benefit to me for the natural conception was that it was cheaper, and that is the honest to God's truth.  If he had come by donor egg, donor sperm or donor embryo, the end result would be the same.  I think it takes time to adjust to the idea of using donor sperm or embryo, but once you do, I have no doubt you will find yourself as excited as if you had conceived naturally.  As I said, I have yet to meet a women who has used any of these options that regrets it, or loves her child any less.  Best of luck to you!

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by adgal, Dec 10, 2012
Oh, and as for the saying "if it's meant to be".  My personal opinion is that it is always meant to be, that's why God gave Dr.'s and scientists this incredible knowledge.  Just about anyone can have a baby now, and that is a wonderful thing.  Some require a little extra intervention, but I know they will be the first to tell you it was in fact meant to be.  We are so lucky to live in this day and age!  So many options available to us.

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by globetrot, Dec 10, 2012
I completely agree with adgal!  It would be cheapest to do donor sperm if your DH is up for that option.  We used donor eggs- so our daughters are genetically my DH and biologically mine- I carried them.  Donor sperm would be your eggs and donor sperm- and you would carry.  It feels like a huge decision- but ultimately you need to do what feels right for your family!  You can check out success rates for clinics on the A.R.T. section on the cdc website and start narrowing the process that way.   Call clinics and see what they say- it does not hurt to investigate.  Meet with an RE and get their opinion- if you dont like... meet with another one!!!  If nothing else- call to see what the process is and what information they have about the men who donate.  For us- family health history was important- we have not told everyone about how our girls were concieved- it makes me laugh a little when people insist they look just like me!!!  Hang in there.

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by Spyctre, Dec 11, 2012
This might be a weird suggestion, but a friend of mine has actually asked about using my husband's sperm if she ever wanted another child.  We were both alright with it.  Does your husband have a brother, or would that be too awkward?  I've had at least one friend to turkey baste herself into pregnancy several years ago, and that sperm was absolutely free.

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by a_waiting_butterfly81, Dec 11, 2012
@blobetrot- thanks i now have a better understanding of everything. I will meet with my RE to get options and see what he thinks. people thinking they look like you is to funny lol. I would laugh inside if people told me that when we do conceive.



@spyctre- its funny that you mention that because DH actually thought about that a while back. He has two brothers. The fact that he suggested it i guess he wouldnt feel weird about it. Me on the other hand I would feel a little wierd but i dont know just yet. DH said if we were to go that route he would not want to tell nobody that we used his brother's sperm.

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