Dec 11, 2012
Today was our Ultrascreen. It's the First Trimester ultrasound (u/s) and blood work screening for abnormalities and risk for chromosomal defects. It's been a anxious week knowing this was today. Scared of what they'd see and how DH and I would handle results. Like the night prior to every ultrasound, I hardly slept with ruminating thoughts of what if the baby stopped growing. What if there isn't a heartbeat. What if the baby looks abnormal. And I still don't feel pregnant...what if that's not a good thing. What if it's because of something I did (as all those daily cups of coffee and moments I laid on my right side piled up in my head).
So the u/s tech set me up and put that jelly on me and pressed the scanner over my still flat stomach. And in a take your breath away moment, there it was. Without any doubt, a baby, just like how it should look based on week-by-week images I've seen online. Just that would have been good enough for me. But then the u/s tech gave us a "tour" of the baby. She showed us it's little scrawny legs that were kicking away, it's arms, and one perfectly formed hand with 5 perfect little fingers. She saw the stomach and bladder and start of the brain. The baby turned away from us and we could see the bright white spine. The baby was even sucking on its hand for a bit. The heart is easier to see each time and it's little heartbeat was strong and fast. Then she said everything looked normal. anatomical structures they screen were what they'd want to see. There was a nasal bone and the nuchal spacing was minimal. I still got a blood test to confirm but they said everything looks how it should.
I still don't feel pregnant, but today I felt connected to this little thing for the first time. That human shape and the movements made me fall in love. And I'm also just in awe of the whole process and the ability of my body to be doing this.
Still have minimal symptoms. Fatigue as usual. Frequent bathroom trips. Constipation. Acne flares. Crappy & uncomfortable sleep. This week I woke up in the middle of the night wanting cashews. I never got any and didn't want to kill anyone over it. Although definitely more emotional this week. I got all teary picking out Christmas cards and was feeling more irritated at DH. The other new thing occurring this week was that I did not enjoy our sex life like I used to. If you want to, stop here, cause I'm going to explain what I mean.
Pre-sex, it almost felt like DH had never been with me before. I think it's because I'm more sensitive. His touch felt rough and hard. He leaned his palm against my public bone which hurt and felt like a great deal of pressure I actually pulled away. I also couldn't "o" like I usually do. During sex, we were spooning and again it felt like pressure more than pleasure. And this is one of the recommended positions... The other thing that made it less enjoyable was that my breasts felt so heavy while moving it was painful that I had to hold them down with my arm. And again I couldn't "o" during like I usually do.
The second time we were together this week was much better although it required some alterations on my part. I had to tell DH to go much lighter and easier several times especially around my breasts and below the belt. This time, I got on top and quickly learned I can't lean up against him comfortably any more. So I had to sit or lean towards him. We also switched to me on all 4s with him behind me. This was actually the most comfortable and I was able to enjoy myself and "o". I told him after that we're going to have to get creative now that my body changes are becoming more noticeable to my comfort level. He was fine with that and just happy I still have my sex drive this whole time.
I hope that didn't offend anyone. I just think it's important to be honest here because that is something that's not really shared with friends or family. So take those tips from this random internet stranger! I hope it's helpful to someone.