devo

my computer is sick.  i keep getting all these weird pop ups like more and more.  not good.

i like the comments ty a lot.  i like getting comments.

its a beautiful day here.  overcast and dark and clear and crisp.  its cold though.  i really need someone to help me procure a coat.  for some reason i have this fear of calling the clothes company that took our stuff like 'can you please deliver my coat only to ..' idk i just have this huge emotional block against doing it.  i dont want to talk to them.  like my house burned downed i live at.  i will live there for a only a little longer idk i have all this emotion wrapped up in it.  in the meantime im freezing my a$$ off ...  _and_ feeling sorry for myself.  i was walking to my car from therapy last nite and like trying to think of how the Ethiopian children felt.  but they're too hot right?  idk

turns out that guy with the ugh the name is the GOVernor of MI  ... well ok.

i am having mega trouble concentrating.  no not meega.  mega.  i mean.  its just so hard and i think the kids know my spirit is not with them.  thats why i feel guilty getting mad at them.  but still.  its hard.

i know it is hard for ppl to understand, esp since i ben unhappy for so long.  but i am not heartless and not feelingless.  i mean um ... and the day you get those papers final it is like a death that was las nite and everyone just like 'hey let's go have a bite to eat' or 'lets watch leave it to beaver'  oh dear i just i dont im not mad atcha its just hard to connect i feel lost i feel like a alien or a zombie!!! in addition to being really down and depress.  but i dont feel like using.

i can't concentrate on anything.  did i say that.

its morning.  mornings are hard.

so maybe i feel all bran new in the afternoon yay?

i feel like i am being pelted with rocks and just all time sadness

everything changed after Kurt died.  everything.  most of my hope was gone.

but its back.  it is just severely impacted right now

i am a sad puppet right now.  sad puppet sad Meegy.

nope nope nope.  not today Meegy I won't do it.

anyway.

can you lend me your coat?

love,

Meegy