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My 2013 New Years Resolution

Dec 28, 2012 - 16 comments

Every year as this time approaches I begin to write down my New Years Resolutions.  Typically they revolve around health or wealth...that is the truth.  I usually find myself resolving to find ways to increase my income, to work out more (how many times have I taken out a gym membership not to be used past February) or to focus my time and energy on various perceived faults.

This year seems to be different.  Perhaps it's the fact that I am approaching my mid 40's, or that maybe I finally feel pretty good about myself (not to be confused with me thinking I am in any way, shape or form anywhere near perfection - like all of us I am a work in progress).  This year I find myself reflecting more on where my life is today and all the wonderful things I have.

I am not wealthy or famous.  I am not what anyone would consider a raving beauty.  All things that so many of us (myself included) have strived for.  I do not have a perfect body and I am not a genius. My name will probably not appear in any history books (except my family history).  It's unlikely I will ever write a best selling novel or win a Nobel Peace Prize.  What I am however, is happy.  I can truly say I am honestly and genuinely happy.

I am loved and I know what it is to love.  My childhood was most definately what most would consider disfunctional.  However, my parents, with all of their faults and all of our ups and downs always loved me, and I them.  And still do.  I am married to a man that both respects me and loves me and it is the same for me - I love him and respect him with all my heart.  My relationship is built on trust and commitment and I know this is forever.  I am a mother - the greatest love of all.  I have no words to describe it, it just is.  I have wonderful friends I can count on and whom I hope know can count on me.

I love my job - I truly do.  It will never make me wealthy and it can be incredibly stressful.  But I know that everyday I make a difference, however small, in someones life.  That is worth more then money.

Many who aspire to what they consider greater things would consider my life mundane and without excitement.  It's not for everyone.  I haven't conquered Everest (and know I never will), but I have achieved what so many strive for and may never find - contentment and genuine happiness.  Those who will never find it is because they are looking in all the wrong places - they are looking for more instead of appreciating that which they have. They are looking for it through external sources as opposed to what is inside.  Somehow, I got lucky, and I know it.  My very life is a gift, and my New Years Resolution this year is to make sure I never ever forget to appreciate it and all the beauty that surrounds me.  Perfection?  No.  But perfect for me?  Absolutely.  My tombstone (hopefully a long long way off..lol) won't read of any great achievement, but it will say "she was happy".  Perhaps that is the greatest achievement of all.

Happy New Year everyone, and may your world be filled with happiness and peace.

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by rivll, Dec 28, 2012
You are a true and beautiful spirit, dear Amanda and  that is forever...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

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by krichar, Dec 28, 2012
Such a beautiful journey, I actually teared up... I hope other read this and find hope:) I myself never make resolutions, as you said things that fade come January, but this is something I can do. Appreciate what I do have as hard as it is sometimes :) thank you for sharing

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by adgal, Dec 28, 2012
Thanks for reading ladies.  I appreciate it.  Tonight I had a "moment" I guess.  But I think it was a life changing one.  DH and I were working on our budget (never fun) and it was all about paying down the mortgage faster, putting more away for retirement and saving for a couple of big ticket items we would like to have.  This was after wrestling my almost 3 year old into his pajama's, fighting him to get his teeth brushed and groaning inwardly as he couldn't make up his mind on a story.  As I collapsed on the sofa in exhaustion (after cleaning my house that looked like a tornado had been through it - DH and Ryder were home today and I worked) I sort of looked around and started to giggle.  I realized that I would not change a single thing about my life.  Sure, I'd love not to have to worry about finances, and I'd love to look 10 years younger (ha), but those things just don't matter.  What matters is what I DO have, not what I don't.  I've spent too much wasted time striving for bigger and better and more, and not nearly enough time appreciating what I do have.  That's no way to live.  And I'm just not going to anymore.  I will probably always want something i don't have, but I want to spend more energy appreciating what is surrounding me every day.  This is the only life I have, and I love it!!  It feels good.

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by mandaszoo, Dec 28, 2012
I think this is a great philosophy and I too try to live by it every day. Although sometimes it is a little hard. Like today it is pouring again and ussually I tell myself if we did not have so much rain we would not live in such a beautiful green place!!  Most importantly my kids. Sometimes I think I am being selfish wanting one more when I could not be happier about the 3 I have. Even losing my first daughter as a baby (eventually) made me realise how lucky I am to have 3 healthy, happy kids. But this longing for one more is more about giving my DH, who has no children the greatest love there is. The gift of a child. I dont care about material things. We live in a tiny cottage in dire need of some renovation . We drive old bangers (luckily DH is a car mechanic so really strches their life expectancy)
I dont make resolutions because every day I strive to be a good person, to eat healthy, to drink less and to do someone a good turn. I always looking out for ways to make exttra money just to get by . But I know i am very lucky to have what I have which is love, health (apart from a few minor hitches like scolliosis of the spine) even though there is arthritis in my spine it has never stopped me doing anything!! I always think there is someone a lot worse off than me and that thought lifts me back up.
I have been a bit down lately with one thing or another but I know that I will soon be back to normal , seeing the beaty all around me and making the most of every precious moment with DH family and friends.
Happy New Year to you , DH and your gorgous little boy.
Amanda

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by adgal, Dec 28, 2012
Oh Amanda.  I didn't mean this at all that we should stop trying or working towards that which we most desire.  You wanting another child has nothing at all to do with whether or not you love the 3 you have.  Of course you should do everything possible to have that baby.  And I don't mean that it's wrong to achieve wealth or to want more then you have.  All I meant is that we have to take the time to see what we have.  I personally have spent way to much of my life wanting more, and not taking nearly enough time to see what was in front of me.  But to stop desiring certain things would make us inhuman.  And we have to go after it.  Thats fantastic!  I just want everyone to feel happy and for achieving the things they want to just add to it, know what I mean?  I just realized how blind I was - I am happy, but I have been so busy chasing new things that i don't think I always realized it.  But it doesn't mean I will stop striving and working for what I want.  I hope that makes sense, I know what I mean...lol.

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by adgal, Dec 28, 2012
And you are NOT selfish to want one more.  Not even a little bit.

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by adgal, Dec 28, 2012
Ok, I found a different way of putting my somewhat rambling post.  Here is a typical day in my life...

Alarm goes off at 6 am.  I used to think...ugh, it's so early.  Now I try to think...it's a new day!
Get the baby up and breakfast started. I used to think..what a pain, I wish it was already made. Now I try to think....an opportunity to spend quality time with those I love.

So on and so on.  I guess I realized that the things that I complained about are the things I wouldn't change.  And that instead of wishing away that which was necessary, I am trying to appreciate it and realize how lucky I am to be able to do those things and to appreciate them.

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by mandaszoo, Dec 28, 2012
I probably did not explain myself very well but what I meant to say was I totally agree with you and although I am still striving for that one more baby I too appreciate what matters in life and am happy with what i have. Oh you know what I mean. Lol!! Am really glad you have found that inner contentment with what you do have. Anything else is a bonus : ) It is also good to strive and want more . That is what drives us and gives us passion and zest for life. I know what I mean Lol||

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by orphanedhawk, Dec 28, 2012
Contentment is a noble goal and it sounds like you've found that. I'm so happy for you.
Accepting ourselves as we are, and not trying to be what we are not, is a good thing.
It's doesn't mean we don't still aspire to stay aware, to be kind, to control our anger, or work on whatever aspect of ourselves we still need to focus on.
But experiencing joy in the moment is a blessing.
Always striving for more is not obtainable ( as one can become consumed, as more, is never enough)
nor is it the way towards inner peace.

The wonderful thing now, is you can always use this memory, of how it feels to be happy with the important things you do have, the love in your life, to cheer you up when you feel down.

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy New Year filled with peace.
OH


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by adgal, Dec 29, 2012
OH, you summed up exactly what I was trying to say.  I feel like my life is in balance and I am at peace.  It's such a good feeling.

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by Mom2boys1980, Dec 29, 2012
Very beautiful and very well said :-))

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by specialmom, Dec 29, 2012
I so enjoyed reading your journal and could feel your contentment and happiness within your words.  Really, it is a true blessing to find this peace within and be able to embrace the joy of living life with all its imperfections and ups and downs.  You have a wonderful outlook that I want to strive for.  Ha, I do still want to write that novel but not for the fame or riches . . .  just to finish something I started!  So, I may finish the book and it may never be published. But learning to do things just for my own pleasure with no other reward is important.  Anyway, I hope you and your loved ones have a wonderful new year and know that you are a blessing to all who know you.  You're definately a good egg my friend.  

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by Barb135, Dec 30, 2012
What a great journal and a wonderful attitude.

:-)

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by Melissa_71, Dec 30, 2012
Happy New Year to you Amanda! that is a wonderful feeling and i wish everyone can feel the same happiness! :)


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by hopeitworks, Dec 31, 2012
Amanda- You always have the most heart felt wonderfully written journals.
Maybe someday you will have a novel! I am so glad you are at peace and happy
This put a new outlook on my life for me. Thank you
Wishing you the happiest of New Years
Hugs!

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by sadiegirl69, Jan 02, 2013
This journal made me cry a little.  You sound truly happy and content.  I love your attitude and redirected positive thinking.  I need to do some more of this myself.  I noticed you don't have those purple flowers by your name anymore.  No more group leader?  I always looked forward to your level headed comments on threads when things seemed to be going in the wrong direction.  Have you ever thought about writing?  you are an excellent writer.

Laurie

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