Day 1= BIG FAT FAILURE

I read your update on your thread, and I would tell you that until you cut off ALL sources you will not be able to beat this thing. That means you need to delete all numbers, tell your Dr if your getting some from them,cancel any refills. Whatever you have to do, but you have to cut off all ties to getting pills.  I was a chronic relapser and that was the one thing I never did until this time. Having the desire to quit is a huge thing, yes, but you have to put in the work beyond that.

Dont stop fighting. Addiction is a monster but it is beatable.

Good call Teresa~ While it's true that it sometimes takes years to figure out that we're addicts, it is only the first miracle that you're given in the process of sobriety.

First, We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable. The second step after detox is to arrange for aftercare. Many addicts go to detox, then rehab to build a foundation for sobriety. There is outpatient rehab, as well as residential. For many addicts, they are required to put as much time into their recovery as they did their addiction. I've been to inpatient and outpatient rehab. It was great. Great food, great people, great therapists, great meetings and fantastic facilities. I'd suggest it to anyone who has the time and means to do it. If, however, you are planning on a home detox, the least that you can do is to go to meetings and find a sponsor, with long term sobriety, who will be there to help you at the exact moment that you intend to pick up. The program requires you to make a call, instead, to a sponsor whose been there and can talk you down, so to speak.  Also, an addictions therapist is sometimes required, such was the case with myself.  There are sometimes reasons underneath the addiction that an addict must process with the help of a therapist. It could be family problems growing up, it could be to mask depression or bi polar etc.

It's a great idea to read the forums and find out whose in new sobriety, whose doing well, and following their example. I personally have 13 years in. Teresa has 76 days because she has taken all the measures suggested to her. . Hang with the winners if you're asking for my advice. Getting rid of your sources is an obvious start. You can't get rid of liquor everywhere you look, so you have to detour yourself around obvious problem areas, in the beginning. We all have had to.

It seems that you may be hung up on Step Two since this is where you're at. You can consider a greater Power to be the program of AA, or NA. The members who are consistent in the meetings in the first year(s) are the obvious winners. They're the ones that are doing "whatever it takes".  I did my time and I made it. It's not something that is desirable in the beginning, until you make clean and sober friends in the closed meetings, but it's something that an addict will do if they truly believe that their live's have become UNMANAGEABLE. Maybe you can open up and talk about how your life has become unmanageable with another member, if you haven't already. We begin at the beginning. Buying the books, and reading the material~ becoming familiar with the material will help you to assimilate into the community. Getting involved in Step Discussions at the closed meetings will help you understand the beauty of the program, get a sponsor, and you will receive the gift of sobriety. Cut corners and you'll fail. Where will you be then? You'll be back at Step One, and that can get tedious.

YOU HAVE TO GET BUSY DOING WHAT'S RIGHT, OR YOU'LL GET BUSY DOING WHAT'S WRONG.

Talking about the means that we get our drugs, and the use of them was frowned upon when I went to treatment, incidentally. I noticed that you talked about getting your drugs etc. and while it's good for a member to help you by saying "cut ties with so and so?" it's important also not to romanticize your use, or be prone to grandiosity. ie. jump in my ride to get my drugs, sounds like that was exciting to you, like you were taking your youngest to their first concert, instead of the set back that it was, in the grand scheme of things. Anyways, just a note. I know you can't go to rehab since reading your post, but in rehab it's one of things that we learned not to do so much, that is talk about the adrenaline rush of getting the DOC or using it. In fact, it was suggested to use "our DOC" so as to not give it power, and instead focus more on the solution.  If that makes any sense to you. Just a tip. I'm rooting for you~~