Dec 29, 2012
So much has happened in the last few months. I moved half way across the country in with my Dad and Step Mum Sister and Twin Brother mid October. I was expecting to move into a peacful envirment. Instead I am walking on egg shells!
My Step Mum is absolutly crazy when it comes to clean. If something CAN cause a mess it is OFF LIMITS! Not aloud to use the microwave cause it can get dirty, not aloud to shred cheese cause it can cause a mess and the list go's on.
There are $20 fines for everything wrong we do. Got a $20 fine for eating an apple in the living room.
I'm always hiding in my room because I KNOW for a FACT everytime I go down stairs I will hear a 3 hoir conspiracy rant from my dad.
I HATE it here!
And since I have no friends or any support here (well I have one friend I see sometimes once a week but I need more than one person in my life) anyways so since I have no support or acceptance here when I was at my friends fashion show and guy gave me some attention and rubbed my thigh, my heart went crazy! I felt accepted!
Now I might be pregnant. I have had 3 negative tests but I am not sure if it is still too early to tell.
If I am pregnant I don't want to raise a baby here! NOT in this house! And I will NOT abort nor put up for adoption. I don't trust people.
And if I am pregnant I want to go back and live with my Mum. I have more support there. But that depends on if "he" would want to be part of the childs life. He said he isn't ready to date cause he doesn't want to be tied down.
Also if I am and I move back across the country theres like no jobs there. I looked for two and half years out there. And a baby cost money!
However what REALLY hurts is I thought there was more to the relationship than sex. Theres not :( And now I have lost all my self worth because I gave away my Virginity. I can NEVER get that back! ! ! !
In the future when I marry I won't be able to experiance the first time with my forever husband.
Today I slept in to 5:30pm because I didn't want yo go down stairs and risk a conspiracy rant. I WANT a Dad. Not consporacy rant!
And now tonight I have spent all night crying off and on. I am hungry but I can't make anything cause the microwave is off limits and I don't want go down stairs a. Because I have been crying and b. Because I don't want to listen to my Dad.
I don't know I am just SO Alone and I need someone. But I don't know were to turn. :/ </3
And worst of all I fell SO far from God! :/