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It has been a long time but here is why

Jan 10, 2013 - 4 comments

My last entry was 8/15/12. On 8/17/12, my 2 1/2 month old grandson passed away. He died of SIDS. I am having a great deal of trouble with it. My faith has been shaken to the core. My daughter is broken. Some people were very cruel by spreading viscous rumors and lies. Others were so nice and comforting. I miss him more than words will ever be able to express.  He died the day after I took my last Fentynal patch off. I did it...I'm off for almost five months. I feel better and have more clarity than ever. I am grieving and I just wonder if I'll ever get my faith back. My daughter is still in a bad relationship with a bad guy. I pray everyday that she will wake up and get far away from him. My three year old grandson has been my sanity. He's great company and I love him so very much. I ask for prayers for me and my family. Thanks and God Bless. I still love my Lord but I just don't understand the unanswerable why.

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by Pat1956100, Jan 10, 2013
I just wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your grandson.  I cannot even imagine the tremendous pain you have been going through.  You are definitely in my prayers.  I wish I could find words to comfort you but I know that is impossible.
I don't think you will ever understand why something like this could happen but I hope some day you will find peace.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs
Pat

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by timetogetbetter, Jan 10, 2013
Thank You Pat. Most days I just want to scream!! I know I will see him again and one day I'll know why until then I have to work through this. Time is a healer but at times my heart just feels like its been crushed and like I got that horrible phone call minutes ago. Holidays were rough. I am hanging on to my faith..what little is there...wondering if I can get back to where I was in the Lord or even better.  I dare not blame him for he knows the plans he has for each of us. I love Him, no matter what. Greiving is a definite process. One that I don't really understand but I'm muddling through. I know the Lord is with us or I wouldn't be surviving this day by day. Thanks again. Means a lot to know someone cares.

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by margypops, Jan 10, 2013
Just saw this on th side bar and wanted to say how sorry I am and also sorry you have had mean ,vicious things said ...ignore them, they are not worth the time of day , cashing in on others unhappiness. I hope you will feel better soon, once you have accepted what happened ...its so tough isnt it losing a child ..I wish you well ..want to chat I am always around ....hugs Marg

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by clean_in_ks, Jan 10, 2013
My heart hurts for you and the loss of your sweet grandbaby; and for your daughter, too.  I know it feels like your faith will never be the same...tragedy shakes us to the core.  If you can release to Him the things you do not understand that  can be a beginning.  The "why God why" questions steal our peace.  I'm learning that there are many things in my life that I may never understand or have the answers to....very painful ones....so now I am learning to accept that if I am meant to know/have the answers, they will be revealed to me.   When I sit at His feet one day, I can ask Him then.   His ways are not my ways....and His thoughts not my thoughts.....and I have to continually recognize how ALL powerful, ALL knowing, and all LOVING He is......there's no way my finite mind could EVER presume to understand His GREATNESS.  I am His child.......not his co-worker (ha)  Thinking I can know the mind of God is exactly what got ratface kicked out....and 1/3 of his cronies with him LOL  Ratface was a gorgeous, beautiful angel whose pride destroyed him.  He "appears" to be winning.....but we know and are guaranteed WHO wins in the end......that is what we are asked to trust.  Faith is believing what we cannot see.

The hurtful things said and/or done to you and your family during the death of your g-baby wound deep, but only hurting people hurt people..  until the blinders come down.....they are lost and hurting souls.

Staying off the FenPatch for nearly 5 months during all this in your life is HUGE.  You are doing so good!!!!  
Please remember we are only asked to carry the burdens of a 24 HR DAY....and given His grace for just one day at a time as well.  When we can loosen our grip on yesterday, not get out into our fear of tomorrow, we can actually embrace the 24 hrs we have been given.  If my fist is clenched......He can't hold my hand......if I open it, trusting when I don't understand, He not only holds it......He carries me.  Blessings to you on your journey~  

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