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Angel in the Clouds <3.......my miscarriage story/ very 1st pregnancy

Jan 11, 2013 - 1 comments
Tags:

Miscarriage

,

Trying To Conceive

,

Grieving

,

Hope

,

Love

,

1st Pregnancy

,

Life

,

Bleeding



WARNING: THIS MAY BE LONG.

My name is Deanna Marie and i am an 18 yr old young, intelligent woman. I attend Palomar Community College where i am planning to transfer to a CSU and major in journalism and communications. I also work part time in retail. I am proud of my ethnicity, half hawaiian/half filipina. And i have been in a wonderful relationship with my amazing boyfriend, Denis Barrera, since 3/19/09.
On Dec. 18, 2012, i realized it had been 4 weeks since my LMP. 3 pregnancy tests later had me convinced i was +. Went to the dr to confirm my pregnancy at 4 weeks, and my whole world was suddenly changed.
I began eating right, exercising regularly, taking prenatals, and resting throughout the day. Once i realized i was pregnant, i knew i wanted this baby more than anything. I vowed i would do everything to the best of my abilities.
On Dec. 22, 2012, i noticed some brown discharge on my panties. Very concerned, my boyfriend and i went to the ER where they told me 1) you're having a threatened miscarriage or 2) you're alot earlier than you think. They sent me home with a bunch of paperwork and i was just devastated. I convinced myself that the dr was wrong and i was maybe just alot earlier than 4 weeks. Christmas day came and i began bleeding heavy, red blood and passed a huge clot. I began crying hysterically and went to the dr. They explained to me now that they really didnt have any anwers. My HCG levels were slowly rising, but not doubling, and i was bleeding like a period. Now they were saying a possibly ectopic pregnancy. Baffled, i went home and researched it. I had no cramps, just period-like bleeding. So i waited a couple days for the horrible cramps i was convinced i was gonna get. The next day, the bleeding subsided to light pink spotting, and a day later, absolutely nothing...
Did i miscarry?  Was the baby okay? Was i even still pregnant?
My next dr appt on Dec. 28 came, and my HCG levels were still rising!! but not doubling. I was so confused. All i wanted were some answers and not even the dr could give me any.
I felt helpless, worthless, and just miserable. I knew what to expect. I poisoned my brain with too many google articles on the internet to see miscarriage symptoms. So, no surprise came when i finally went to the ER on Jan. 5,2013 where they confirmed my miscarriage. I had miscarried naturally, no D7C, no meds. Dr said my body was doing what it was supposed to and extracting the tissue. My HCG dropped down to 30.
I was devastated. My boyfriend was devastated. And i felt like my whole world around me crashed.
Never in my life had i felt so low, so horrible.
I'm still coping with my loss. It's barely been a week and i find myself digging in every "TTC after miscarriage" article.
I want a baby. I want to be pregnant. Sounds crazy, especially so soon after a miscarriage, but i want it.
Every woman who has had a miscarriage will cope differently, and my way is to not give up and ttc again.
I had no meds, no d&c, so why wait? My dr even said if i was ready to ttc again, by all means, go right ahead.
So any woman out there ttc after a miscarriage, don't be discouraged by all those drs and articles saying to wait and conceive. You ttc when you want, live your life the way you want, and don't let some person in a white coat who claims they're a dr scare you. Remember: having a miscarriage doesn't increase your chances of having another. Your body knows when it's ready and so do YOU. Not a dr, not another pregnant woman, YOU. YOU. YOU!!!
You make your own choices and decisions.
Because i know i am, and this is my choice.
Millions of women on this site, and i joined because i know many of you are going through the same thing.
Be safe, take care, and i pray that you all have healthy pregnancies&babies.
Baby Dust to you All! And thank you for reading my story:)

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by ma38378, Jan 12, 2013
Oh honey I am so, so sorry you went through all of this.  I have to tell you that I am 36 years old, and have had two miscarriages...one at 33 years old (unplanned pregnancy with my current husband; at the time my boyfriend), and one on December 10th, 2012.  Both were awful, but the most recent really took a toll on me.  You my dear are so young, and you will definitely have a healthy baby soon.  There is nothing at all wrong with trying to conceive right away after an early miscarriage, and in fact your fertility should be a bit higher now.  I will pray for you.  I truly believe that you will be a mom soon. Miscarriages are so, so difficult, and I sympathize with you.  lots of love to you.

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