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I'm sorry baby..

Jan 21, 2013 - 1 comments
Tags:

Miscarriage

,

Lost

,

Pain

,

Pregnancy

,

loss

,

depress

,

Depression



I'm writing this as I'm having cramps. I'm 19, I'm supposed to enjoy my life. I'm young and has all the time in the world, but I'm stuck in a hole that is my bedroom. I might be having an early miscarriage 7 weeks. When I first thought I was pregnant I researched on how to abort it naturally.  But then as time passed I wanted to keep it. The father said that we should keep it (he's not even my boyfriend) :(( Then I'm spotting 2 days ago and it got heavier today. Blob and clots came out of me and I couldn't just flush it on the toilet so I scoop it out rinse it off and found out it was soft and tender and I just started crying. I don't even know what it is, if it's blood clot.  a tissue, or my baby. I just can't throw it away. I kept it on a case. I'm afraid to pee because I'm afraid my baby would fall. :( though I know it's probably too late now. I'm just so sorry that I even think of aborting my baby. Maybe it IS my fault this is happening. I mean I really did tried to abort him/her naturally. I ate food not allowed for pregnant women, I workout HEAVILY, i don't know if it's real but I ate unripe papaya. Then just when I'm accepting it this happened. I'm really sorry baby, I wasn't strong enough. I don't know where exactly to vent my anger. I don't even know why I'm angry. I'm just hurting so much that the tears won't stop falling. My parents don't even know what's happening. I don't have anyone to turn to. I don't know how to pray. I don't know anything anymore. I just want it all to go away. I just want to release everything. :( I may have been a very bad girl that's why this is happening. I'm so scared but now I'm just so tired...and in a lot of pain. :(

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by movingforwrd, Jan 22, 2013
Start by finding out if you did have a miscarriage for sure. You can go to a local planned parenthood and they will help and educate you. If you did have a miscarriage it was not your fault! You need someone to talk to. You mentioned you didn't know how to pray, just talk to God as if talking to anyone else-in your head or out loud. Ask Him for strength and to lead you down the right path. I know how  you are feeling, I have been there. You need someone you trust talk to, if you have no one, like me find a social worker or counselor. They have those at PP also. Take care, you are not alone.

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