Jan 22, 2013
sometimes i really do wish that i looked as sick as i feel. then people might understand. then people might stop looking at me like im crazy. theyd say, "wow she really is sick." theyd stop asking me stupid questions and stop telling me "you dont look sick."
sometimes i wish this was a fatal disease. so that way i would know there was an end to my misery one way or another. that way i knew that at some point, id be free of all this pain i have to silently deal with. because showing real emotion or complaining is showing weakness.
sometimes i wish that i could just escape my body for a day. switch places with someone else just to feel what its like to be a normal healthy person. because im pretty sure ive never been healthy a day in my life. ive always had the headaches, ive always had SOMETHING wrong with me. i can barely even remember a time when i wasnt on medication for one thing or another. i just want a break.
sometimes, i wish, with every fiber of my being, that all of this was over. and just a memory. that the doctors could give me an easy fix. a pill or a surgery, and tell me, "there you go, your all set. enjoy your life. see you at your next yearly physical."
And sometimes i wish, that this was all just a bad dream.