Jan 25, 2013
Haven't been able to take vicodin all day because I messed up and relapsed from my taper last night...I took two within 2 hours. I was so mad after and told myself I wouldn't be able to have any this whole day or else it would force my detox to start faster, and not as smoothly. I wouldn't mind starting the detox sooner and just making this day one, if it weren't for the fact I had to work tomorrow through Sunday. I have a high energy job...I photograph children and babies and I don't like feeling irritable and being put in the position of taking that out on them. That's why I wanted to do the taper and save the detox for a period of time I'd be off of work.
On an awesome note, I received my hypnotherapy CD in the mail today! Super excited...Charging my ipod right now so I could put the CD on it and listen to it before bed later on. Still dealing with insomnia and hoping this will help.
I've been sleeping for an average of 11.2 hours a night since I started the sleep tracker. I didn't even realize that!!! I know it's the medications and depression. I didn't go to bed until 5:30am last night. (or should I say this morning?)
And slept until 3 in the afternoon. Set my alarm for 1pm but hit snooze until 3pm. TWO HOURS! It's ridiculous. This is one of the things I look forward to improving most. I really do hope it has something to do with all of this medication. My life is kind of foggy and doesn't have any structure, rhyme or reason to it unless it comes to work or school. Those are the only solid things in life for me. My relationship is stable and solid but it could be so much better and it's all my fault. I feel like if it weren't for my medications and addictions and depression, we would be out doing things together, going on dates, having fun, etc. None of that is happening now.
I hope these next two days (last two days of Vicodin taper) go smoothly and I'm still anxiously awaiting Sunday. I'm so nervous for next week.