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Excited.

Jan 25, 2013 - 5 comments
Tags:

Depression

,

Insomnia

,

Addiction

,

Hope

,

Work

,

irritable

,

Vicodin

,

hydrocodone

,

withdrawals

,

relapse



Haven't been able to take vicodin all day because I messed up and relapsed from my taper last night...I took two within 2 hours. I was so mad after and told myself I wouldn't be able to have any this whole day or else it would force my detox to start faster, and not as smoothly. I wouldn't mind starting the detox sooner and just making this day one, if it weren't for the fact I had to work tomorrow through Sunday. I have a high energy job...I photograph children and babies and I don't like feeling irritable and being put in the position of taking that out on them. That's why I wanted to do the taper and save the detox for a period of time I'd be off of work.

On an awesome note, I received my hypnotherapy CD in the mail today! Super excited...Charging my ipod right now so I could put the CD on it and listen to it before bed later on. Still dealing with insomnia and hoping this will help.

I've been sleeping for an average of 11.2 hours a night since I started the sleep tracker. I didn't even realize that!!! I know it's the medications and depression. I didn't go to bed until 5:30am last night. (or should I say this morning?)
And slept until 3 in the afternoon. Set my alarm for 1pm but hit snooze until 3pm. TWO HOURS! It's ridiculous. This is one of the things I look forward to improving most. I really do hope it has something to do with all of this medication. My life is kind of foggy and doesn't have any structure, rhyme or reason to it unless it comes to work or school. Those are the only solid things in life for me. My relationship is stable and solid but it could be so much better and it's all my fault. I feel like if it weren't for my medications and addictions and depression, we would be out doing things together, going on dates, having fun, etc. None of that is happening now.

I hope these next two days (last two days of Vicodin taper) go smoothly and I'm still anxiously awaiting Sunday. I'm so nervous for next week.

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by Jessika69, Jan 25, 2013
   Wow, I just happened on this page while looking up soars I just say on a friends body. I looked up a site with ,medical pictures on it & a link to a pic someone sent in to show to ask a question about what it was, since it won't go away. I opened it in a new tab & after there was an option to go back & so I did & this came up & your letter was on the top. I decided to read your story & WOW! I can't tell you how I feel for you & understand what it is you are about to experience!
   I have 2 friends whom went through what you are going to & it SUCKED but with a positive attitude & the decision to do it & see it through was all they needed & the rest was all secondary, but equally important... the medical guidance & support of family & friends. It was the most difficult thing they had ever done but also the most rewarding & empowering! Now they are so healthy, going to the gym is a big help as it makes you feel healthy & makes you appreciate your body in a different way, to the point you will want to put nothing harmful in it & you will strive to change all you can to aid with becoming as healthy as possible! Stopping an addiction is one of the most changing effects you could can have on your body as well as something that is all choice and totally attainable, with choice, spirit, will power & sheer determination!
   Take a before picture and hang it where you will see it everyday. Each week, or by weekly take a new one & hang it beside the last. You will be anxious to take the next as well as to do as much possible each week to have their be a bigger effect in each new pic, which to just look in the mirror with no immediate comparison other than memory will seem like there was no change & can easily contribute to people feeling defeated & contemplating giving up..."cause what's the point, it will never change". It can be hard to want immediate results with something that comes little by little but in doing what I have suggested helps to appreciate the little changes & victories as well as when you get to week 10, 15 20 & beyond you will be amazed at the drastic changes from pic one on week one!!
   I must go but I hope you find success with your chosen journey & just remember you are worth it & those around you in your life will be so very proud of you but ultimately you are doing this for yourself & you are doing all the work & you will reap all the benefits as your quality of life will improve 10 fold & then some & in turn it will have a positive affect on all in your life! You will also, whether you know it or not, you will be a role model & you will have your success story to share with those whom are in the position you are now & you will be able to show them it is possible as you will be living proof it can be done! You may save someone's life by saving your own 1st!
   I wish you all the best, and then some more, now & always...forever! I hope you "after" pic is all you had hoped it would be and I hope you make it to that pic sooner than later, as the sooner you get there the happier you will be & the sooner  you will be in the position to influence someone else & in time to save someone elses life!!
   When ever it is difficult just think of me thinking of you & sending you positive vibes & giving you a gentle kick in the butt/pat on the back to keep you motivated & to remind you of your "after pics"!!
Keep fighting & keep choosing a happy & healthy life!!

Amen
Jessika
xoxoxoxox


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by ItstheSky, Jan 25, 2013
Thank you so much... Glad you came across my story, because your words were super encouraging. I love the concept of taking a new picture every week but I'm at such a low point with everything right now, all of my energy is going in to getting off these meds. I would like to see the before and after but right now I don't have the type of confidence to take a picture of myself. (it might just make me cry!) I don't hate the way I look or anything like that. I have a pretty average confidence level...but I don't like what/who i've become and I don't exactly want to see THIS face every day. I have so many pictures up of how I looked before and it makes me remember that I was happy in those pictures and I strive to get back to that mental state and figure out what has put me in this mental fog.

Thanks again it really means a lot that anyone bothers to take time to read my story without even knowing me...even further offering support and advice. It means the world.

<3 Skyler

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by jimi1822, Jan 25, 2013
Stay strong my friend, and Carry On with a GOD given Spirit that fears nothing. Kick that demons butt (addiction) and Carry On. I did it 13 years ago and got my life back, Thank GOD. No one said it would be easy they did say It Would Be Worth It. =0)



                                                                                                                        Prayers, Blessing, <3, and light. . . .

                                                                                                                                   jimi (lil wing)

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by jimi1822, Jan 25, 2013




                                            "GOD given Strength can only come from Above."


                                                                                                                ~ jimi (lil wing =0)

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by ItstheSky, Jan 27, 2013
Thanks, I appreciate it. =)

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