Jan 25, 2013
i am feeling really fukd up. i know its morning and all but this feels worse. oh well i guess we're all going to die anyway cuz of north korea. i am so glad its natasha curry on there and not foofy rockin robin meade. oh god!
its raining here. ive been so utterly stoked cuz like a few mos ago i discovered i could have kids!!! still. i mean i am sure i wont but its a nice thought. especially since my hole life i spent trying as hard as i could to hate kids and now my maternal instinct finally kicked in, so i go ape over every cute kid i see, which is like, every kid. its horrible i cant help it. god can you amajin what a dreadful mother i'd be? oh heaven help us. but yeah. so like, i woke up with a sort of migraine and its raining and that and it seems like i was always so happy during this time of month even as a teenager i thought it was like the quintesstial sign of nature acting out its will and so like flowerchild deadhead cool but now it just ***** and i am not so enamored of it. i feel like s**t,
i had been forgetting to 'pray' i mean i want to make it kleer meegy dont rilly pray but mediations rather its focused thought meant to bring about actions and feelings working toward change or whatever yadda etc. yadda. you know. and so i prayed for all the ppl, yes you too medhelp, and i prayed for a few ladies on here esp who are going thru some reel hard stuff ... and i prayed about all the stuff going on and i just. idk i dont feel its working today i know what you said ch and i know i need to wait and
at night i sit in bed thinking of all the stuffs im going to do the next day and now i just feel like a blob. even my arms feel sore my upper arms but maybe that is related to the mig its neurological im not sure anyway once im all woke up im gonna ignore it and do my stuff anyway
it dawned on me that a big part of what lottie was saying to me was that she dont want her money used for drugs. gah!!! as if man. its like this theme running thru medhelp lately ppl who dont trust you to stay clean. god i wonder why? its not like i used fourteen years or nothing, man! it also has been dawning and dawning on me latey: hey Meegy. you were with the anti christ for fourteen years. you used (mainly) for fourteen years. a duh ... but i mean using aint as bob plant sed nobodys fault but mine. ah ah ah ah ah ... but still ... its ruther .. Un canny ... yite?
im fixin to go into the house again today.. i know, after the fire, i mean a few weeks after i was like 'ima beat this p*ssywillow up!' and i went in all bravado and such. but i just cant get it up for that now heh i mean rilly i cant. i just feel ... idk like beat. i swer meegy dont give up ez like that but i just feel. i just. just. i mean alllll my clothes and backpacks and purses and whatnot are all in there yay? like ... i need that s**t. man i think maybe shoes? naw maybe i gots all my shoes.
but i feel so ... like .... jeez so effin freaked out and skeer about it. and
idk i was just hopin beyond ... like beyond ... that the lady would call abt the room and i can blow this taco stand before we have to move back in which i think is like febby first or somethin and then i just keep my junk in my studio and kick out a few boxes he put in after the fire and then i just takes my clothes and put in the studio and then pack what i need and move. and then i come back for the other stuff or give a bunch of stuff to the sally
god it is raining hard out there. its pretty but it makin my head and body like wack.
omgspeaking of babies have you seen the babies of gwen stefani and gavin rosdale? ooooooooooooooh law! yes. i mean we all knows that gavin is sordidly beautiful... he f*ckin cant help it. gotta machine head its better than the rest yeah yeah .... coulda been easier on you couldent change though i wanted to ... oh gavin ... i saw in vogue gwen and gav walking with their kids .... wow o wow o wow is the little one zuma or beach i cant recall and he is a tow head and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute and beautiful! can you amajin all the foofy charter private skule parents with their kids like Flannel and Blanket and Cumquat and then theres Zuma more beeootiful and smart and talented then all them gluten free motherf*uckers and gavin and gwen all shrugging ... yeah ... we gonna have another one .... suck it up foofies
it aint right that some families gots to be so beautiful AND talented.
i feel like im being dragged and pulled down by all the evil spirts of the evilppl in my life and right now i can count a few. but then i think what would mlk say he prolly say meegy you are the evil one and your sour spirit infecting everyone else. mlk say what can you do for someone else today meegy? mlk say a injustice anywhere in the whirl threaten the justice you hold dear
so i say ok martin. i try to be good. for you baby.
good morning medhelp.