All Journal Entries Journals

Neverending

Jan 28, 2013 - 2 comments
Tags:

Insomnia

,

withdrawal

,

medication

,

depressed

,

Vicodin

,

suicidal thoughts



I feel super depressed right now. It just hit me. I've been really forgetful today to the point of walking back and forth because I forget something and on top of that, I can't make up my mind about what to do and what order to do it in. I usually have decision-making issues, but it is especially bad today. It's my second day without Vicodin. I'm really hoping it's because of withdrawals. I craved it the first day off of it, but not today. I've thought about it but I didn't have those frantic urges to search for it and try to get my hands on some.
I honestly feel like dying right now. I feel like my life will never change from this state. I don't know if it's the medications or if it's just me.
I have insomnia. When i go to sleep I oversleep. When I woke up today I felt energetic but it only lasted 2 hours. I can't continue living life this way.
If someone told me right now that my life will remain this way I honestly think I'd kill myself.

I don't have any other thoughts.

Comments
Post a Comment
3197167_tn?1348972206
by clean_in_ks, Jan 28, 2013
http://www.medhelp.org/health_pages/Addiction/Beating-PAWSUnderstanding-PAWS-and-Developing-New-Coping-Mechanisms-to-Prevent-Relapse/show/1032?cid=66  ;

It really DOES end.....it isn't neverending.....and what you are feeling is EXACTLY the way I feel/felt.  That article is from the health pages here on medhelp.  They really describe all that you are feeling.  For day 2, you sound to me like you are doing the best you can expect to.  You absolutely will not "remain" this way.  I don't know how long you used, but at least give your brain and body a fair amount of time to get clean, normalize your neurotransmitters, start producing your own natural brain chemicals, and all those things.
It's so easy to get discouraged.....it is HARD to purge our bodies of the very poison it craves.  But...YOU CAN DO this!
If you spend some time reading and learning, scooting around reading old posts, journals, it really helps.  Plus you can learn a lot.  Lots of help and wisdom here on medhelp.
Keep on keepin on~

4753943_tn?1359938169
by ItstheSky, Jan 29, 2013
Thanks for the link, I'll check it out right now. I really hope it gets better than this... this is the worst feeling! I give major kudos to anyone else who has done this. Especially the people who had taken it longer and larger quantities than myself.
  
Thank you for the support.

Post a Comment