Jan 31, 2013
Today, I feel, has been the worst day of them all. I'm glad my stomach burning and the stupid gnawing feeling went away, though. But the back pain has been so intense. At 6ish in the morning I woke up with the worst headache and hungover feeling. It felt like someone was pounding nails into my temples. I finally was able to get back to sleep and slept until 1:30ish. I woke up with the same headache. I was able to eat a good breakfast because my amazing partner got up and made it for me. After I ate I took a really hot bath. I felt so tired afterwards, like I hadn't even slept. The pain was easing up with my headache but not so much my back. Tylenol has not been helping my back pain in the least. Before bed I take tylenol and a muscle relaxer and I still feel that intense, deep pain in my back muscles.
I had zero energy the entire day. All I could think of is wanting to lay down. Sleep didn't come easy to me but I was able to take a nap about an hour after the bath. The nap didn't make me feel any better. I was still mentally foggy, fatigued, and in a lot of pain. I got up and ate dinner and have just been lounging around, drinking gatorade and water the rest of this evening. I hate the insomnia. Even more, I hate this lack of energy. Vicodin would make me feel ambitious and give me the extra "kick" to get ready and go do something...or even to knock some things off of my "to do" list. I'm afraid of anything with caffeine because my stomach is finally feeling better. I have no idea what to do about my energy issue.
I've noticed I"ve started becoming more dependent on my adderall, which is NOT good. There's no reason I have needed this week of Vicodin detox...I've just been hanging out around the house, not doing anything. There's no reason to take a pill that makes me hyper focus or alert. I don't like that I'm becoming so dependent on it because I don't want to run out before my refill is up because I actually need it for work. But I'm at a loss for this energy issue. So it feels like there's not much hope.
I feel defeated.