Feb 01, 2013
i know its common when you have any disease (especially an uncommon/rare one) to become depressed. and ive battled depression my whole life. seen my mother battle it since i was a baby. but i am seriously scareing myself right now. i have never been this depressed. i go to school at a job corps center in devens, ma. so i live there and go home on the weekends. i literatlly dont even trust myself to go home. because im terrified i am so down, and want to escape my life, the pain, everything SO bad, that ill do something or try something stupid. ive even let a staff member (who i trust and talk to regularly. she is the only one who even semi understands what im going through) know whats going on. because im even afraid to be alone right now. its because, i cant do things by myself, i get reprimanded by my dorm supervisor for asking for help (she wants me to be independant), my best friend just finished so im alone now, im always sick or tired, everything just seems to be raceing downhill. i try to look on the bright side but i cant right now. sometimes i think that being dead would be better than being in this much pain every single day.