Feb 05, 2013
I dont knnow why i feel so bad. I dont have any MAJOR problems and i try to create some to suit my emotions. Well at least thats what i think i do.....i hope not though.....i am just guessing....
But anyway, i am sure i have anxiety, but then i just keep thinking what if others think i am fussing over nothing, and think less of me everytime. The last thing i want is for people to have a low opinion of me.
I feel like i have all these problems, which are not like for example, being abused, however i feel like a complete idiot. I do really just want to die.
I mean whats the point of living a life, where you cannot even decide on why you wake up every morning. When you go to school everyday, and always tell yourself "i know nothing, and i cannot do this work". Why cant i just quit school, then kill myself. This may sound exaggerated to others, but to me all my thoughts and the struggles i have at school, and with no one to talk to at all (family-wise.), having no dad, and with no REAL joy in life, and no REAL aim or direction, what is the real point. I knwo i should be thankful for all i do have and not what i dont, but i just wish i had a direction to head in, something to look forward to everyday. But no, i wake up in the morning feeling okay, then arrive at school and it hits me.
If i have problems like wanting attention from others, then i would like to die, if i could. Honestly i would feel so guilty.....
All this time i have assumed that i had depression, but now i keep on thinking, what if i am making it all up. Why do i feel so bad?? What is wrong with me???