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not too bad

Mar 03, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

porn

,

self esteem



Looking at the symptom list you might think I had a bad day but not really. The only weird/off thing that happened was I sort of confronted J on the porn thing and then when he started asking me a bunch of questions about the one time I cleared the comp history six months ago I pretty much walked out of the room and went outside to cool off and not get angry. I KNOW this isn't a huge issue. A lot of people find it a turn on. But with my confidence issues and my naivete when it comes to that kind of thing I have a poor reaction and am very hurt. I wish he'd just really talk to me about it but I get this impression that he sort of wants to just let me deal with it and come around, because I even asked him don't you understand why this bothers me? And he said yeah but don't you get that going through the computer history is worse? And I thought, no, I don't think so, and I said, no, the only time and reason I did this was recently when I discovered you were looking at porn wen I was at work, and that's the truth.

So I guess he's not really talking about it. Either way I am not going to check the history anymore. Maybe sometime whenever he's not here I'll watch my own porn. But he's always here because he doesn't have a job yet. :/

Not that I'm complaining. I love having him around. That was just the only issue yesterday. The rest of it was spent sort of half-ok, around the time of that discussion which never went anywhere.. we just smoked a bowl and let it go.

Emotional Diary
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