Feb 12, 2013
I currently feel like a complete prisoner to prescription medications. I want my life back...I want my health back...I want my happiness back...I can't live like this anymore! I'm beginning to feel like this is it. This is forever, my life will be this way till the day I die. No interest in seeing friends, keeping friends, maintaining friendships. No energy to spend REAL quality time with family without feeling fatigued and grumpy. No ambitions or motivations. A MUCH less-than-perfect relationship.
I hate living this small and insignificantly. I don't have any sort of purpose in my life at this point...I have no energy to care or thrive.
I've read such horror stories about people trying to get off of Effexor and Cymbalta. I've searched and searched for good, positive success stories and found an endless amount of stories that terrified me. Months of withdrawals, a full year or more of hell...I don't even know if it's work breaking free from these chains.
One person said their doctor told them they would just have to be on Cymbalta for the rest of their lives, as it was the "best thing to do for your brain chemistry". I'm so sick of feeling like a prisoner to this crap.
I want my old life back. I NEED to feel healthy and alive again. I know I'm physically alive, but I feel dead.
I just want to lay/mope around because I don't even know how to begin this mess I've gotten myself in to. This mess my DOCTORS who I TRUSTED, got me in to. With no warning at all, here's a medication that will SCREW up your life forever! Hope it helps!
I got over the Vicodin hurdle, but life isn't any better. I often feel like I miss the Vicodin because it was only at those moments of taking it that I could feel something. I felt happiness, enthusiasm, love. I know it's not healthy and I quit that stuff for the best, but I can't help but miss the only glimpses of happiness I had at this point. I would LOVE to exercise but I can't even clean my room and do regular household chores. When I try to make myself, I feel as if I'm going to pass out or vomit. It makes me physically ill to the point where all I could do is cry from helplessness. I am a germophobe (not a word, but it's what I call it) and an organized, neat freak. It is extremely out of character to be living in the state I am right now. My room is a mess. There's clutter everywhere. The dust is thick. The rug hasn't had a good cleaning in who knows how long. My bathroom shower is getting more disgusting everyday. All of it makes me cry. The worst part about it is I have a partner that doesn't help the situation at all. He works more than me but he also sees how this is all killing me and still doesn't lift a finger around here. I have to tell him to do things and even then he forgets to finish things (such as leaving the clothes in the dryer for TWO DAYS) or leaving hampers of clean clothing around our bedroom.
I'm even at the point where I want out of this damn relationship because it's really not helping my situation in the least. I love him with all of my heart and I know it's real but I just am not fully in this right now. The worst of it all is that I live in his house with his parents. I have no place else to go. I'm 25, still in school, and have a part time job that doesn't give near enough hours to move out on my own. So I feel stuck. I feel stuck in so many aspects of my life right now.
I don't even know where to begin or what to fix first. The Vicodin was a start but it's only a small dent in this huge issue. I'm also going to a Chiropractor for my back pain. I researched a bunch of psychiatrists covered by my insurance because I'm only on my mom's insurance till the end of this year and won't be able to afford being dependent on ANY medications once that happens. I still have so far to go...
The worst is that I lack the energy to do things I know will help me. I've tried Vitamins...I can't do caffeine anymore because I've grown sensitive to it because of the medications I'm on. I went back to Effexor because the Cymbalta put me in a fog 24/7 and gave me Restless legs and arms. I couldn't stand the feeling anymore.
I feel so helpless/hopeless right now. Don't know where to turn anymore.