Feb 13, 2013
aint been getting enuf sleep and ony like four or five hours a night. one night recently, maybe day before yesterday, i woke up screaming, i thought there was like a monster's fingers in my hair. im exhausted im so tired i hope to goto bed soonage.
sooooooooooooo .... omg im now so old that i use that special eyedrops for old ppl? yeah i dont mean you, me old. not you. god knows i dont need any more ppl mad at me. ooh lor. um .... so like, ah ... its called Systane which is bunk cuz we all know it posed to be sustain. w/e they cant spell. hah!! i would know. and um ... like my eyes are all f*cked up, and so they get super dry espesh when i wear contax, but after i take em out and put on my glasses my eyes are like so thrashed. so i have tha eyedrops. so check it never buy the generic version. i did. and with the reel stuff when you put it in you're like "AHHHHHHHHHH" like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh like ahhhhhhhhhhh no not like dope but like, still good you know? and now its just sort of like well, ah. you put the drops in and like, well, ah. yeah like that.
so yeah!!! that was interesting huh? no
Charlotte made a big deal for me today at work and made yesterday poooof!!!! DISappear like so many popped balloons ... yes goodbye. 99 shez luftballons ... by nena ... or something ... member that song? she was hot right/ ithink. um
Ari came to my room the last hour like 'Meegan Charlotte has a question, can you come to our room" and then Ari go "i think its about vocabulary' and the way she said it i knew then that Char had some bday thing planned ... and i walked in and they all yelled surprise and they had it decorated and lots of food and some presents. Char and the girls, Amy and Ari, did the lions share and those kids are all just about the greatest ppl ... i mean. yeah. i hate being the center of attn like that, and it was awkward for me (awkward!) but it was really nice. There was strawberries, chocolate cake, like grape tomatoes (i love tomatoes), juice, this dip Aris aunt made with jalapenos and tremendous amounts of calories, cream cheese i think, and um ... fritos and potato chips. and the girls got me presents, Ari got me tulips in a valentines pot and Amy got me this dope as s**t chinese new year keychain or something god i am SO COOL with that keychain its this intricate figure of a face and very scary. idk why Amy is so into me cuz i never taught her class directly and after games yesterday she was saying how much she liked me teaching and wanted to be in my class. ?? she's cute, a very nice girl. And Ari hug me and tell me she love me she and me is so tight still. it's nice.
Charlotte got me a bunch of weird stuff, very nice tho. she got me these happy hippo candies she claims are the rage, and a bag of gummy bears (i hate) and weird chocolate hazelnut candy that is hard to chew, and something else which i forget right now, and the two best things, a book of hiking trails in the county next to us, the rabbit valley, cuz i always tell her idk the trails out there, and my book has the rest of ellay. its funi cuz my book is better, it has the valley and all the surrouding areas, malibu, etc even pasadena and arroyo but you know what ive gathered between her renting rooms ads she sends to me and this book that she is secretly working as the ambassador of the rabbit valley and just proselytizing it to death!!!! fer rils!!!! but sho ur right this book is awesome, and i opened it and smelled the binding and then looked at it it is supercool and i love it. she also got me this huge jar of coconut oil which she uses on her skin and i tried it today after i showered and it is positively sinful. wow! i put it on my hands which are like grade three thousand sandpaper or whatever and now my computer keyboard is oily and slick. yeah i know. dont say it. this cant be good for it. well the keys looked dry ...
also she wrote me a really nice card. all about how i had survived the hardest year ever with everything in my personality intact and how this year will be better she is certain of it. its really nice.
Charlotte is super. she is fuhkin fantastic. i love her allott.
the ac was so so today, he kind of irked me with that dumho but whatever and he made me dinner or heated it up its this like rice and beans and nasty pork i dint eat and um ... it was made by the mom of one of his students. they bring him all types of food. to thank him for teaching. the best thing is gorditas which are mmmmmmm so good. it was nice to have a hot meal.
Charlotte made me take home the strawberries and she has given me you know a whole bag of clementines and today two oranges and i have so much fruit and food and candy and snacks that is no wonder i am having trouble being thin. gah!!! everyone back off!!!! with the food. though i like the fruit and the hot meals. the ac gave me four packages of store candy yesterday it is so dum. i mean. !!!!!!! im going to take them to work for valentines. he got reeses, snickers, hersheys and milky ways which i dont even eat and these huge big pakajis. um. yeah.
i worked out and did my weights i have to say my arms look really good. i mean not as good as when i was using. :( but good. you know i just ate like nothing when i was using, only vicodin and benzos oh yea and powder but um ... oh yeah and that month or two i smoked that jacked up s**t but ... i had so much energy i used to run like five x a week. like serislee! like really. so.
like my arms are defined but im not strong. i dont get that. i mean physically strong we all know i kick a$$ in the other kinds of strength ... right? i think.
mm, um ..... what else. oh i did lots of school work. i have a list about 40 items long of things i was posed to do last weekend but i have not ... i read it to my friend he said that was a list for like a whole summer or something. oh. anyways i still need to get it all done.
i feel overwhelmed. i really want my drugs and i have been craving just about everything lattely but espesh valium or clonopin the ac have clono in his bakpak. i know! i have 144 days.
i want to unpack all these boxes, and it turns out i have so many clothes god! and i want to organize and put away all the clothes
ill just have to pack everything up again. so, im like in limbo. i want to move forward. but i dont. and i keep moving back. help. what should i do.
i saw a room tonite. they had me wait till effin nine pm cuz the ppl work or something. i drove out its about half a hour away ... in the west valley. i thought the area would be nice and a lot closer to work ... but it was this dilapidated ramshakle old house next to a mini market and a seven eleven. like, right next to it. gah! the room was nice enuf and so was the chick, and theres one other guy but idk. its just not the most savory loke. i like the room tho. 525 plus utils. theyre all so spensive!!
could you live in lancaster? no me neither.
so i was just draggin my sorry a$$ when i finally got back home i just tired.
its all so confusing.
i know! i know. i need to get to some more meetings.
so they gave the ac another extension on the rental cuz we have no frij or stove or pliances which will be lidivered sometime in the next week. so he is staying there until i guess next thurs. not this thurs. which is fine. and the roommates like, wander between our house and the rental and its so weird i nver know who is here. and i usually go from house to house thru the back door and the side gate, cuz its easier than the front door which the guy who did most of the work f*cked up all the locks on wow he shoudl not quit his day job and um ... i go back and forth to make food and to get coffee and tea and its like this book i had as a kid called Mandy where she lived in this orphanage and found this abandoned old cottage and fixed it up and idk how it is like that but it is and another book i read did anyone read this book not like Time at the Top by Edward Ormondryod no not that but some book in which these girls passed notes to each other by putting them in a basket and sliding it on a string between their two upstairs windows????? i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who would ever want to leave the house!!! so charming!!!!! i read like every book in the libary as a kid and was particularly into fairy tales and i believed that was what the world was relaly like. i lived in a world of my own.
my students today were trying to tell me about some game show where there is a cabbie trying to give money to ppl. i need to get out more.
and um ... i cannot find a movie amongst the 800 channels we get so i can leave it on mute while i listen to rap. that's pathetic. movies suck. where is sundance and ifc? i dont unnerstan.
the two mongolian ppl had to write a journal q i posted about like what is the most amazing thing you have ever seen heard or discoverd ... and the chick wrote about her first child and when she got her masters in mongolia and the guy wrote about how he discovered a huge deposit of minerals and gems in his mine in Mongolia and how his company would make so much money excavating it. he suhucks.
im sorry. im being uncharitable. again!
so, is it right to keep looking for rooms, which i really dont want to live in, or wait until the hearing in march and hope i get enuf money to move? if i find a room i will have a hard time financially tho Char will lend me guap, but if i stay here my mental and emotional health will be severely impacted. so ... i keep praying like 'god please help me find my way' but so far i am stumbling and tripping and i have stubbed my big toe like seven hundred and eight nine times. is that how you wanted it, God? go ahead. just dish me the straight dirt.
did i tell you i heard two chainz on the radio yesterday, he did this speaking spot for power, and just when i was about to really lose it he came on and said, "i know where you're at right now.' and he was all saying how he knew we were going crazy, stuck in traffic, yelling at ppl, and all this stuff, it was so funny, and apt, and he was so awesome how he talks, like so cool like NO so cool, you cant amajin how cool two chainz sound, and then i was all lol, and everything seem a little better, and all cuz of 2chainz!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so fly!!!! fly fly flippity fly ... and know what he go 'if nobody loves you felly fell loves you' haaaaaaaaaa i know felly fell LOVE me!!! yeah baby
ok its obviously time for bed. say goodnight Meegy
please come to my house --no, the rental---- and eat some gummy bears. i've got a giant bag.
you'll be happy to know the only thing im pickin up at kp tomorrow is
and i aint addicted to it! swear!
and the only place ima be driving by is the ennay meeting i aint goin to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oops sike jk
but i aint drivin by no one else. ok???? god!!! scouts.
i promise. im serious now. i hereby do solemlee swer.
la dee da.