In a world gone mad, you can trust Dwayn Hoover. Journals

I think I'm dying of sleep deprivation

Mar 05, 2009 - 0 comments
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Migraines

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Migraine



I am sooo tired.  It's the kind of tired where you're body is physical exhausted but your mind can't rest, so you just lay in bed with tears because you want to fall asleep.  

That booger face Alex rung me just a bit ago.  I figured he was going to do this to me: he works tomorrow at 10 am, so he said he was just going to finish some movie and then go to bed.  "You're welcome to come over and hang out if you want".  

I've been OCD cleaning all freaking day.  I got some lip from The Other about sleeping and Abby was in a mood.  I don't remember what I did today, what I wore, etc. and really the last ... I don't even know.  I don't remember anything anymore.  

The kitchen has met my standards of satisfaction, only because it took me about five hours.  I used a broom and a dust pan, then I swiffered with a dry cloth (because my wet jet effing broke for no reason), I swept with the broom again, vacuumed with my awesome swivel vacuum thingy, and swiffered again.  This is just the floor.  I organized the wires from the fan, the microwave, lamps, and the TV.  I dusted and organized my refrigerator.  Then I basically did the same stuff in the bathroom except I got on my hands and knees to physically "wash" the floor since, as I mentioned, my wet jet is broken.  

I scooped the Ed and Echo litter box, vacuumed the litter trail they leave EVERYWHERE, then I vacuumed the hallway four times and did the litter trail again with my "normal" vacuum.  I repeated everything with my swivel vacuum four times, too.  

I steamed the pee Nico left in my bedroom about six times.  Then I steamed the section behind my TV, which was repulsive because I never cleaned back there since I've moved in - I don't know why.  I did that about six times, too.  Then I started dusting, blah, blah, blah.  I've finished organizing and labeling the wires for my TV.  Now I have to pick up the rest of the junk on my floor, vacuum a couple more times, shake my sheets, then vacuum again, probably eventually change my sheets even though I schedule washing them on Sundays (don't ask why).  

Tomorrow I am going to force myself to finish organizing the wires in the living room.  I'm going to have to vacuum again because Ed, Echo, and especially Nico, shed at least a combined amount of 10 lbs. of fur.  I had planned on doing laundry today so I wouldn't have so much to do on Sunday, but it's still sitting in my car, along with my DS (which the battery has probably died and I lost my game) and my car keys.  It's been out there since God knows when.  Shippensburg is a fairly peaceful town, so not a lot of crime goes on, but obviously it's stupid to leave my keys on the passenger seat while the car is unlocked.  Oh yeah, and my wallet and other important stuff is out there, too.  

:(  There is so much to do, but I'm tired and overwhelmed.  My OCD makes me do all this stuff and it takes forever because it has to be "perfect" or else I freak out.  I wanted to hang out with butt-face Alex, but he won't come over.  I don't feel like going to his apartment because it's not as cool as mine.  Besides, I don't want to leave Nico here alone, especially since she's been emo when I leave ... she pees and poops on the floor if I leave.  Even if it's only thirty minutes.  She's been acting strangely.  She won't listen to anyone except me.  Actually, Ed and Echo are acting weird, too.  Echo has been in a mood because I stopped giving her milk.  Ed has been sneaking cuddly time when she thinks I'm asleep, which is cute because it means she is finally adjusting.  But today Abby locked her in the bathroom and tried to "catch" her.  All this time that I've been trying to avoid her and let her come to me, Abby goes and ruins it by scaring the **** out of her.  Now she'll probably be scared of me again for another six months or so.  

Okay.  It's been decided.  I need to eat.  I'm going to make something (my microwave is the most retarded, cheap thing in the world - if the directions say "microwave for four minutes" I have to microwave it for fifteen to twenty) and take a shower.  Then I think I will grudgingly do the dishes.  Maybe not.  Wait.  Ugh.  Do I want to clean up this mess in and then make something to eat/shower?  Or do I want to go out to my car first, then clean, then eat/shower?  Or should I clean, go out to my car, eat/shower and go do laundry?  

Life should not be this hard!!!  Why can't I make decisions?  I constantly need someone to tell me what to do, otherwise I won't do it.  I'm not trying to be lazy, I just get so frazzled and overwhelmed by the tiniest things.  Especially if it's OCD cleaning.  So "OCD cleaning" is showering, vacuuming, swiffering, dusting, etc.  OMG.  It feels like my head is going to explode.  This is totally unfair.  The problem is that I can't ask people to help me.  I know it sounds snobby but they just can't do it right.  One time when I had a million things to do, I asked Alex to change my sheets and he couldn't do it because he was more drunk than he ever admits.  Plus I had THE ABSOLUTE WORST migraine ever.  He put the sheets inside out and backwards.  Then he shoved the pillows into the pillow cases all lumpy with the tags sticking out.  THE TAGS GO INSIDE AND THE TOILET PAPER MUST ALWAYS ROLL DOWNWARDS.  

I know I'm insane.  But Alex said that he'd rather me be OCD crazy than manic.  I agree.  But I still don't know what I'm going to do.  

I wish we were so far advanced technologically that all of this could be done by itself.  Or I had a robot I could program to help me do things "right".  Or just someone on call to tell me what to do.  I'm such a total sadomasochist.  It's like in Secretary, when James Spader's character tells Maggie Gyllenhaal's character to only eat four peas and a spoonful of mashed potatoes.  Except I don't really get off on that.  

I'm sooo tireeeddd.  Someone just punch me in the face and knock me out.  

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