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Med help isn't the same

Feb 13, 2013 - 11 comments

I remember med help being so much more supportive. I met so many awesome ladies. I am now back was on and off for about year and half. I been on here for 6 years! It was very great before so many ladies helping each other eith advice on ttc and baby advice etc, really do miss it.

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by AHP84, Feb 14, 2013
It really does feel like there is something missing, some feeling of loss, to many of us who have been a part of this site for so many years. I don't really feel like I have any friends here at all anymore except maybe two or three, whereas my first couple of years here, it seemed as if people were more willing to reach out and become a friend or yours and interact more.
The only reason I still even stick around here is because of my familiarity with the site, and occasionally feeling like I can really offer some useful help to some worried or lonely person. I don't much feel like I get that in return anymore, however. It seemed a couple of years back, more random people cared more, reached out more. Now if I post anything, it barely gets noticed or completely ignored. Especially journals. Journal use used to be much more active on this site and often, I prefer posting many of my thoughts and some of my issues that are very personal to me, such as my grief process over my mom's loss or an issue with one of my children, because with a journal, you have control of your own post. When you're ready to shut it down or bump it back into the activity sidebar, you can. Or you have the ability to delete it if you don't like it or you didn't get what you wanted from it. With a post made publically, you can't do that--once it's out there, it's out there and the mods won't take it down unless it becomes a massive controversy or the system glitched and posted duplicates.
But yeah...I used to post journals and even status updates, and caring people I didn't even know or interact with would send notes to me or comment on my journal entry. Doesn't seem like many people pay much attention to the sidebar activity anymore and, especially in the pregnancy forums, just post to the boards multiple times a day and often about issues not even related to the forum--and then those conversations get moved to a more appropriate forum where the "cliques" who comment don't frequent, and most, if not all activity on that thread totally ceases. In the past, journals could be about any subject, and people from anywhere on the site had more ability to see what was going on with other members because the sidebar activity would post journal updates in all the forums where commentators to the journal were joined.
I hardly see any of that anymore. I can post a journal and if it had been posted 2-3 years ago, it would have gotten 10-50+ comments. I post a journal now, and I'm lucky if it gets noticed and gets a comment a week later.
Same with status updates. No one really knows who I am on this site anymore, so no one cares. I can post a status update and usually, there are only two people who ever comment or care anymore about my life, my history, my story--because they've been here about as long or longer than I have and have kept in touch.
But random people who genuinely have any concern for getting to know a stranger to make a friend anymore? Not so much a common thing to find here anymore, it seems.
Pretty much every close friend I ever made on this site has left because of these same feelings and issues and we all found each other and reconnected on Facebook.
Like I said, I only stick around here now to try to be a help to those whom I can try my best to help when I see something I have some knowledge or experience about, and because I'm familiar with the site, so it's more or less just my personal place to journal about things...without the amount of care or concern from people that there used to be. I miss that.


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by MrsPincince, Feb 14, 2013
So what can we do about this??? It can be the same again no?!..I have only been here for 2 1/2 yrs. I stumbled on this site because we were TTC (trying to conceive) my daughter...I completely agree with you two ladies. Something is missing. It's not the same. So what do we do about it? How can we change it?

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by specialmom, Feb 14, 2013
This makes me a little sad to read.  My thought is that it can start with you (proverbial you if you know what I mean. :>) )

Reach out and connect on someone else's journal, send a warm note, comment on statuses you see.  Then maybe that person will connect on your things, etc.  What was that old hair commercial where it started with one and then went to two, to three, to four and so on and so on and so on (as the commercial said).  

I'm always happy to reach out to people but miss the mark sometimes when I get preoccupied.  And it seems the bigger my friends list is, the easier it is for me to miss things.  My activity on 'my med help' can be full and I miss things.  

Hang in there.  I think there are still a lot of supportive people here waiting to connect with others!  Just gotta see it happen more i guess.  Peace

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by nanajof7, Feb 14, 2013
I am brand new to this site, Just found it this am while looking for some medical advice. I have no idea what about the journal yet, but is sounded great! It sounds exactly like what I need now. I know this may sound stupid, but I'll be your friend. Yes as I typed it I realized how stupid it did sound, but we all need a friend, don't we? Since I have become disabled and not working, it seems like I have lost all of my friends. Even my best friend in the world for the past 50 years, is too busy in her life with work, husband, grand kids... I feel the only friend I have left is my 18 month old granddaughter whom I get to babysit 2x a week. I am so lonely and sad to think about the active fun life I used to have, compared to now. I feel like the whole world is moving on and I'm just sitting here all alone. I am married but he comes home from work, lays on the couch, and falls asleep for the night. it seems sad when a 50 something persons best friend is 18 months old. I always thought this was supposed to be the best time of my life. NOT!!!  it seemed before my parents passed away that they truly enjoyed life, together. I want that, but here I am on a medical web site trying to make a friend. Is this sad? well if you ever need a friend I am here, and hopefully to stay.

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by AHP84, Feb 14, 2013
Hi nanajo7, and welcome to medhelp. :-) I'd be happy to send you a friend request and I do hope you can stick around this site for a while and get to know some of the regulars here. It's not at all stupid to be seeking out a friend or interaction here and I hope you can find it! I have made some of my closest friends in the last couple of years from "meeting" them here on medhelp. I've met a couple of friends in person since then and have very close friendships with quite a few others who are all over the United States and even a few in England.
I hope you can find a niche or two or more here where you feel you can really connect with people. I'm especially fond of the pregnancy, child, and relationship forums on this site. There are also user groups you can join that are even more concentrated on certain topics from everything to fictional storytelling to rare health issues. I hope you enjoy browsing around and you find some friends. :-)
Happy Valentines Day, too. ♥

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by April2, Feb 15, 2013
I feel the same way AHP84. I used to feel so much more connected here years ago and had friends here I talked to a lot.. Some I stil talk to on facebook or phone, etc., but I feel like very few remember me or care anymore. Granted, I did leave last year and was kinda going through a rough time in my own personal life, but the few times I came back here I don't think very many noticed, lol. I guess that's to be kinda expected but it's kinda sad that we used to have a close bunch of people here years ago. I guess it's just hard to come back when you've been gone for awhile, eh?
It's good to see the site still going strong, though, and I do stil see some regulars and a lot of good people still here. :-)

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by stacey10, Feb 15, 2013
well for me I have only been on here for 1.5 yrs and in that time I have become slighty dissapointed with giving advice many a time I've offered up adice to a question only to be overlooked and then about 5 answers down someone will sau exactly the same thing and all of a sudden the poster is like omg thats so right it really gets disheartening to continue to post advice and help when it constantly gets overl  looked or the poster isnt really intereseted in answere just goes off on a tangent about therie own stuff, unfortunately I hardly post responses anymore

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by aria88, Feb 15, 2013
I am a new member to this site and have only just worked up the courage to post in a few forums. I would love to make some new friends as well. In real life I am quite shy and find it difficult to make friends easily (I have very few close girlfriends). I am currently in grad school  which also keeps me very busy, but I am not at all outgoing and generally spend my free time/weekends at home and feel quite lonely.

I am going to send friend requests to you guys as I don't have any friends on Medhelp yet and you all seem really nice - hope that's alright - if it's not, feel free to delete/ignore them :)

Sorry if I am hijacking your journal NewMommy2Be. I was just looking around the site and came across your journal.

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by Alexis2358, Feb 15, 2013
I'm with you...I've been here for about 3 years now and same thing....was a great big family in the beginning.   But now after a bunch of my friends got pg...they all left and I know nothing about whether they delivered, how they are doing, nothing.    It feels like a loss.     Also, there seems to be so many people or pages that are empty and no pictures but yet the people want information from you or want to post their comments but yet we can't know anything about them.

There are still some of us oldie but goodies on here, we just have to find each other :).

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by New Mommy 2 Be 2007, Feb 15, 2013
I agree with you ALL, im so glad I am not the only one who thinks this. It makes me sad. Med help was a place I came for support and made me feel good about myself.  Going through my miscarriage as other ladies did with me TTC #1 ,and my pregnancy with baby #2. It was wonderful having such a huge support group that is now gone. I think we can bring it back to the way it was. I get upset when I see members asking for advice and no one even answers. I feel as a long time member I  need to offer them some what advice, even if I don't know much about the matter. Everyone on this site new each other, even by first name. I am not sure what I can do to change it.

AHP84 We are pretty much on the same page with our feelings toward the site. I am now ttc#3 and miss all the support and help I gotten the past years. Some ladies moved on to facebook, and I have contact with them still. I am also on facebook, but med help, is more private and personal.

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by New Mommy 2 Be 2007, Feb 15, 2013
April2 I feel The same way, I have a few on facebook, but most of the ladies, I'm not sure what happened

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