My Journey

I haven't been on here since late January....for a reason. Today is March 6th. I had 16 days free of Vic(longest ever), and never was off long enough I guess to feel the cravings you get. There were some in that period and were mangeable. On day 16 I went back to my doctor for the original problem of being put on the Vics in the first place, lower back jury. I toldhim I had stopped taking them and he was half ticked, wondering if I wated relief or not. At the time I was also having a 2 day craving and didn't argue when he called in a 2 month supply. Having those things in the house was like having a million dollars sitting there and no one wold know if you took it. I thought after being off a while I could keep to 2-3 a day. It was a total collapse. Within a week I was taking what I was 5-9 a day, especially since there was so many. Forward to now, and again I have undertook the fight myself like I did before and have gone CT. This time though, I am hurting big time with pain from my toenails to my brain. Everything aches. I'm falling asleep constantly. Now I know with a few more days I will start to feel better with all of that. I got rid of all remaining Vics and will try this again. I read here about the cravings and that scares me. So that's where I've been the last couple months, lost again. I need to rememember this pain and it's ot worth it. I need to keep reading this a couple weks from now. So it begins again.

3/13/09- I decided not to count the days like I did last time. I just want to let it be and one day look and see how far I've come. The pain and hurts are gone, and next I'm waiting for that first big craving. It hasn't happened yet, maybe for a few reasons. I have had a horrible cold that has me taking so many other meds the thought of anything else makes me sick...the other is I still don't want to feel that week withdrawl again. I think God really laid it on me thick this time for this 3rd try and he sure made and impression. That pain at least right now is not worth the gain I got from the Vic. It just isn't. Then I look at my family, my wife and two little kids that need me and envision 20 years from now. Am I gonna be a Vic junkie then too? No, this time I'm not counting, it puts too much thought on it. I'm going away for a 2 week trip and am out of Vic so it will be a good test. I feel better(except this freakin cold). It's better here on this side, I always knew that, I just didn't want to pay my dues to get here. Now I have and for all that may read this, and know the hurt you will be going through, it pales in comparison to what is out there without it. Buckle down and deal with it, rely on friends and this site...and God.