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Day 5 of rehab

Feb 21, 2013 - 0 comments
Tags:

Addiction

,

Recovery



Path to emotional growth
1 selp inspection- making changes
2 ackowledge other peoples feelings
3 setting AND working towards goals
4 Maturity comes from learning from our mistakes
5 Hold self accountable for actions, my actions dont benefit mark.
6 Resilience and persistence, which i deffintly lack
7 Acceptance, how can I accept anything when I don't accept myself?

My self inspection has a lot of negativity in it. I just never felt completly whole with myself and look for validation in others. For example, the youngest of 3 brothers. As a child i always looked up to them and wanted to be them. A lot of my focus and energy was put into them accepting me. As I grew older that behavior carried through to friendships and relationships. I was always the quiet child, very naive, impressionable, and insecure. I often dreamed of being accepted. Even had fantasies about saving someones life, being looked up to, being a rockstar, etc. I was always a dreamer, and thirived on living in a world of fantasy and dreams. I dont know if its in my dna, a behavioral complex from childhood, or what the reason is. It has both pros and cons i suppose either way its who i am. I love letting my imagination carry me away. In my teenage years i discovered the wonderful sound of the piano, i love how no matter what you feel, theres is alwaays a harmony to voice it. There is an energy to it that can at least for a short time fill the void in the soul. Music speaks to something higher a divine power that i believe lives through us. Its truly the universal language. And as a passive and silent individual, i couldn't ever find the words to express my feelings, but in the world of music theres no limits. It flows through me like a calm river, that serene sound of standing on the beach as a kid, hearing the waves crash on the shore. The smell of sun screen and salt water and looking around and seeing smiles all around. This is the passion in life i lost. And I fear that its gone, and I'll never get it back.

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