Feb 23, 2013
It's been awhile! Been busy!
So my feelings for D kept increasing, and I cared for him deeply. He helped me through bad situations where I was to walk at least 2 hours by myself at night while drunk. I didn't see him nearly as much though. Maybe once a week. One day in October I had this really strange feeling and I didn't know what it was, but I started to pull away from him and I was pissed off at him. This passed as he pulled his BS charm and "we have a connection" sort of thing. He kept coming over, but we barely hung out anymore. Especially since the last time we hung out, he brought me there, left me to sit with people I didn't know (if they even sat by me or talked to me) while he was off talking to other people and playing pool with them.... And then getting really close to a different girl. That's the only time I felt jealous in this whole thing. Anyways, so in March 2012, I was scrolling on Facebook, and I saw he commented on his friends public picture of a baby. I was curious since he had mentioned pregnancy twice and said that "sh*t was gross." The picture was of the baby in the mothers womb with the due date. I scrolled to see his comment, and it said "I have the same, July 9th." I bawled and everything sunk. I was so effing naive and dumb and a homewrecker. I felt so bad. It had finally put my situation with him in perspective, and I wanted out ASAP, but Ididn't know how to do it. St Patrick's Day I was going out with some friends, and I was rushing around to find a green shirt to wear when I got a text from him asking if I wanted to go to the casino. I told him I was busy. but he was persistent and kept asking when I finally said that I needed space and to please not contact me until I figure things out. He then pulled the "I had a rough day and this just made it worse" card. I ignored it. Later he texted me saying he was going to take a pass on my couple of days, and he wanted to talk. I ignored this one too. My friends and I went out that night. Around 5am I went on Facebook because I couldn't sleep, and I found out that he had removed me from Facebook, so I added him back.
In the morning I woke up to a text asking why I even added him back. I told him because I asked for space, not to remove himself from my life completely. He said he didn't do anything wrong, and if he did, THEN I could be mad at him. He got really nasty with me, and I kept trying to tell him that I didn't want to talk to him right now and when he was like that because I didn't want to say something that I would regret. He then tried flipping it all on me again by saying I could "try to talk to [him] in a couple of days if [he] isn't so pissed. Maybe [he'd] reply"
My friends and I went out for lunch, and he texted me while I was out, turning on the "charm" and manipulation. We made up that day, but I was still hurt. He called me that night while he was out and talked to me a lot of the night. He said that it wasn't exactly something that he could've brought up easily, it was an accident because he came home drunk one time and she got pregnant, and that there was more to me than just being pretty. He said he told his one friend that I'm more than just pretty, that there was more to me, and if the situation was different, he would want to try something more with me. I remained quiet most of the conversation while he talked and told me it would be okay. I only decided to try to still keep him in my life somehow because of the amount of times he helped me, listened to me vent, etc. I wish it ended there.
That's all for now. Maybe I'll post again tonight!