Feb 25, 2013
When I post something in my journal - in my mind, it means I HAVE to do it. These are public after all, so it's as though I'm making a promise and signing it with blood every time I write something here. That's good for me. Keeps me honest :) Haha. On that note:
Today I taper down to 4 Norcos/day
Every taper I get nervous... How awful is my sleep going to be tonight? How anxious will I feel as I try to go about my daily routine? Will my knee hurt? Will I yell at my husband? Will I feel depressed? Will I EVER feel normal again? Am I ready for this or will I go back on my promise? (oh I hope I don't go back on my promise)
If I were to tell someone that never takes pain meds that I'm down to ONLY four, they'd probably look at me as if I was a freak. "FOUR pain killers a day!? Ummm... that's a lot..." I suppose it is. Every day of this taper has been difficult. Some days horrific, other days just mildly annoying. I'm scared of what's next: the continued tapering, the weeks following the final leap, and the PAWS and trying times to come over the next year...
Tomorrow morning I go to see my doctor and who knows what that appointment is going to be like. Last appointment he told me to go see a pain management doc. But I don't think I have chronic pain. I think I have a strong physical dependency that I need to be tapered down from. And the mental addiction is something my new therapist and I can get through... I pray he doesn't freak out on me and force me to go Cold Turkey after I've gotten this far :(
On the bright side, last week I was able to get on a bike at Physical Therapy. The first time I've been able to do that since June! It's a step in the right direction with the knee issue... I still have pain, but it's not unbearable. I hope within the next couple weeks, we can get my patella to start tracking correctly. That would be HUGE. And when/if that happens, there will be NO more excuses to pop another one of these devil pills. Period.
To be continued...
If you are reading this, thank you for your support and your friendship through this!!! xoxoxo