My OCD- a list

     I'm going to list everything that goes on with me that's either OCD or Tourettes related so... Well here goes.

     I count words in my head, all the time. Words I've read, heard, or thought. Then I rearrange the letters and/or syllables and repeat certain syllables until I have thirteen of them. I avoid cracks, but if I step on one with my right foot I have to do the same with my left foot but only if I'm in a "good" place. If I'm not, my right foot has to be the last to touch.
       If go by a cemetery, funeral home, or church I've seen a funeral at I have to close my eyes and turn away if it's on my left side. You can imagine why I don't drive much :) Sometimes, when the tics come, I HAVE to clench any muscle touching any surface (sitting in a chair, leaning on a wall, etc.) and relax again. This happens frequently. I blink my eyes CONSTANTLY. I blink hard and really fast, and sometimes I have to roll my eyes toward the back of my head. Everything I touch or do has to be counted to a certain number.My "good" numbers are; 1 3 4 5 7 8 9 10 11 13. The three missing numbers are very bad.
       I'm always panicking about either cancer, anuerism, botulism, poison, and MOST OF ALL- heart attacks. I can't sleep at night because I'm absolutely terrified my heart will stop. My sense of reality is nearly non-existent.
       I touch things, snap my fingers, smell, rub things downward, and I'm in the kitchen several times a night checking the oven knobs (I woke up one morning to find one on- terrifying). I do this thing where I look at the light reflecting on my fingernails, look away, blink several times, wrinkle my nose, inhale, and do it again. I also do this with other shiny objects. I refuse to take any medication, even tylenol. I won't take cough syrup, or even cough drops. None. I'm scared of dust, I only inhale when looking at a "good" object (well, I can get away with "neutral" object sometimes, but never a "bad" one). I have a lip ring that will soon grind it's way through my top left tooth if I don't take it out (or learn to stop). I'm scared of almost all food.
       I don't wash my hands as much as most people with OCD, but if I wash more than once a day (and I usually do) I have to do it 4 or 7 times before I can stop. I make dumb little noises with my throat and nose that I can't stop doing. Sometimes I have to cross my eyes when looking at something and inhale while looking at the space in between the two images. I'm a very fast reader but for about four years I've had a problem with counting the syllables in every line to find ones with thirteen (which is rare, seventeen is normal). I look at my hair a lot and inhale.
       All right, that's it for now. There's much more, but that's all for now. As you can see, my life is pretty screwed up and VERY hard to deal with. Anyway, It'll probably just go away one day  :)  cya