Mar 05, 2013
I can't talk to anybody without bursting into tears...like I can't say any words to anyone or have anyone say anything to me without just crying. It seems like all the crappy things just happen at once. My dad's been really sick, my friend got in a car accident, I didn't get the research position, and I haven't been feeling well, to name a few.
Good things happened, too. I mean I had friends from back home visit me, and I did well on my histology/cell biology miniboard. I got 5 points above the national average, somehow...it was really heavy on cell bio. Light on the histo. I mostly just watched cell bio videos and didn't study much histo. I got lucky that way. Most people studied the histo because it was explained to us that it would be mostly histo...I just never got around to it.
In spite of these good things happening, I just can't seem to make myself feel happy. There's more stuff my mom's not telling me about my dad. She doesn't want to stress me out, but I'm stressing out just thinking about what it could be and why she can't just tell me. I just don't feel like being around people that much. Mostly because I can't make myself stop crying, and it's really awkward. It's just like...Hi, how are you? Or...How was your weekend? Something really simple, and then I just start crying. I feel like I have nothing to say to anyone. I literally just have nothing to talk about. Nothing interesting, at least. The only thing I can think about is how sad I feel and how crappy I feel all the time. I don't wanna talk about that and no one wants to hear about that. So I've just been sitting around sulking and crying.
One of my professors pretty much dedicated her life to cancer research because her mom died of cancer. I talked to her and she gave me her cell number and told me to call or text her whenever, but like...I don't really see myself doing that. She also said she was going to check in on me frequently. She said to connect with more people in the class, but like...HOW?!?!?! I try. Doesn't work. Back to crying and panic attack city. This Ativan is crap.