I was doing ok most of the day today. Even a little excited when I picked my son up from school and got a good report on his behavior. It has been a while since he has had a good day at school. I took him to his therapist and that went well. We came home, he was good pretty much all night. Little problem at bed time, but that is kinda normal. Then araound 10pm I started cleaning because I know my grandma is coming tomm. and she is so negative about my house. #1 I didn't really want to do it. #2 there was so much crap that I didn't want to deal with & #3 I hurt my hips and back. I was so pissed when I got hurt and I couldn't stop thinking that it was my grandma's fault for being so critical. Then I thought it was my fault for letting it get so bad in the first place. I was really down and crying with both pysical and emotional pain. I just don't understand how this house got to the disaster it is now. I also don't understand why no one will help me when they know it is hard for me to do it on my own because of my physical limitations. Grandma says, oh it will go away, just don't think about it. I am not her. I can not just live with this level of pain. I am not going to put myself in pain just to please people. Then, I am making myself angry, depressed, and frustrated because I live in such a mess. So, what do I do? Do I hurt myself temperarily to make it better, or sit here and live in emotional pain because it looks like this? I just do not know. I wish I had a live in maid or something. Or, better yet, have someone HELP ME!!!!