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Definitely unexpected

Mar 13, 2009 - 0 comments
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I didn't think I would ever have anything positive to write about.  Or have less check marks.  It's also the first time I had to check "menses", which you know, I think is a funny word.  

Anyway.  The whole Ashford thing has been taken care of, but still it effed up getting health insurance, but, I think my academic adviser may be fired because she wasn't doing her job.  I know it's sadistic to be excited about that, but I don't want her to lose her job - just maybe be scolded about it.  

De LA Cruz has altered my medication and though I'm hesitant because I've tried everything and ended up severely allergic to it, I'm willing to try anything at this point.  Wal-Mart pharmacy is giving me some trouble, but that is expected.  

I was feeling ill because my "to do" list had become so excessive I had to switch from a little notepad to a really big one.  But now, there really isn't anything imperative, so that gives me some relief.  

Also, I've finally finished tying up/organizing/labeling all the messy cords and wires of all electronics, TVs, and my computer.  Though being stuck in this manic episode and not knowing when it's going to cease, I have found satisfaction in actually accomplishing a task.  

I know that this semi-euphoria is a result of being manic, especially because it only lasts for a maximum of 10 minutes and then I go back to feeling ill.  But I'm a little more hopeful.  I know the reality of my situation and I know I constantly say this, but surviving (not living) and monitoring as best as I can is the only thing I can do.  

My life is not life ... it's black and white.  I either deal with it or not and since I was given life, I don't feel I have the authority to cancel it.  When my time comes, then so be it.  I'm not scared, I'm not sure why, but I'm just extremely comfortable with myself.  It's probably because I feel I've exceeded the limitations for my intelligence on certain situations.  It makes it easier because the people I come in contact with the most deny their problems and just create more to cover up the other ones.  

Abby and I are getting along as well as I think we can.  I don't care if we stop talking again because I don't half *** things.  If she wants to be friends or needs help, I'll do everything I can to the best of my abilities despite the ramifications I may receive.  

Anyway, I had a dream that R was sneaking snacks while Abby, I think The Other, and myself were watching TV in the family room.  She was so obsessed with trying to eat them, I got fed up and took them from her and said no.  

I yelled the words I've talked about with other people and she begged me for food.  She actually aggressively tried to take them from me.  I don't remember much afterwards, but I hid them from her while she was screaming downstairs to D.  She found them and she took my cell phone along with it.  

I wish R and D would deal with their problems, then they would be able to face each other to deal with the problems they've created themselves as a result of being married.  I highly doubt it will happen.  They're 60 and although, "better late than never" is something may hope for, it's just not plausible for them.  

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