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a life turned up side down

Mar 18, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

Depression

,

Life

,

Advice

,

religion/faith

,

I need help

,

in need of help

,

shutting down



   Have you ever wanted something so bad you could taste it? I'm sure everyone has at some point!  My husband and I got married on Aug.20th,2007 and ever since that day, it's been a journey.... He got deployed on Nov. 5th,2007 to Korea and I went back to our NC town!  Before our marriage, i was diagnosed with PCOS in 2006; but all of my symptoms seemed to disappear when I stopped being a human lab rat!  My periods became very regular, until March 2009 came along.....:(  To this day; the mens. I was prepared for on March 1st, 2009 has not came!  I'm very afraid of doctors, because of a previous mis-diagnoses; so I have not went for a visit yet. I think I will wait and see if it comes on next month, and if it doesn't then I will suck it up and go in!
   The emotional side of it all is causing me to be very depressed and I'm starting to feel less of a woman, because I haven't been able to have my husbands wish!  He is VERY supportive, but I just can't find the strenght to hold it all in anymore.... I am gaining weight and I cry myself to sleep alot; I do everything possible to avoid the people I know with kids, because it hurts too bad!  I believe JESUS will bless us, but it hurts so bad.......
   A friend of ours told us to try adoption, but with the debts that we have; we know it will not happen! We are working on clearing it up now, but it will take at least 4-5 years.....  I know it's not good to try and rush this issue, but children are a big part of my life outlook...... At times, I wonder why I put my husband through this!  He deserves a happy marriage, not one filled with drama and depression.... He does everything in his power to make me happy and he reminds me that he loves me for me; every second......  He said if we never have children it will be okay; that he will always love me!  That makes me feel alot better, but in my heart I know he want kids.... I can see it in his eyes!
   Any advice for someone like me?  I am open to any ideas.......  Please, don't think I'm crazy; I just want more out of life than money and fame.......


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