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day 67
Mar 22, 2009 12:00AM
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Vegas trip went well... So much fun... So many new friends, cute guys... awesome. I feel full of excitement and stronger than ever. I did have a intense craving after seeing a friend give each other a handful of percocets... Then we were all going out to party, eat, ect. and I noticed my friend was all messed up, getting up to serve everybody. It got to me for a minute. Inside there was a major battle. I talked about it and held on. I did take other drugs and realized that I'm over it all. Drinking and pot is all I will mess with and even those things I need to cut back down on... I feel good about the new me. I feel good that I made it and feel like I'm better than before. The next show is in 5 months and I hope to be even better by then....
Days without vicodin
Days without vicodin
I believe that this was my first test. The first time after the first 2 weeks of withdrawal where it got to a point I was about to loose it. Irritated and tense. I told a friend who was next to me and all most started to cry. I should've kept control of myself. I feel like I've got control most of the time so when something like that, the pressure and excitement and anticipating going out to party got to me. I made it through and I am grateful. I had many headaches but ibprofuen was all took. And this guy who I fell for has taken over my addiction. He lives in FL and me in CA.. I was completely smitten and failed to hook up with him the last night in vegas. He reached out and I didn't jump on it. I've been sick to my stomach about it ever since and I hope that this feeling passes... I also pray that as much as I regret it now, someday I will be happy that we didn't hook up that night. He's all I've been thinking about and he makes me want to look better. Get into shape and dress hot. I hope to use this desire to get with him drives me till I see him again.
I think my sex drive is in high gear from not using. Like a new desire to love and have sex. I want that high, that natural high that love and sex can give you. I miss it, it's been almost 7 years and most of that I was taking opiates. I went from abusive relationship straight to full fledged vicodin abuse within 3 years or so. I wonder if the pills were holding me back from meeting guys? And I'm finding that I'm attracted to men who quit their drugs of choice. Men who are doing something with their lives, making their own rules and have charisma/charm and confidence.
I made a bad decision on alcohol the other night missing out spending quality time with the guy I really wanted to and it makes me think I need to be true to myself more often. Do what I want to do for me and when drugs are concerned don't listen to high people. I wish I never kissed a friend of mine when I was wasted. I missed out on the one I really wanted.
I think my sex drive is in high gear from not using. Like a new desire to love and have sex. I want that high, that natural high that love and sex can give you. I miss it, it's been almost 7 years and most of that I was taking opiates. I went from abusive relationship straight to full fledged vicodin abuse within 3 years or so. I wonder if the pills were holding me back from meeting guys? And I'm finding that I'm attracted to men who quit their drugs of choice. Men who are doing something with their lives, making their own rules and have charisma/charm and confidence.
I made a bad decision on alcohol the other night missing out spending quality time with the guy I really wanted to and it makes me think I need to be true to myself more often. Do what I want to do for me and when drugs are concerned don't listen to high people. I wish I never kissed a friend of mine when I was wasted. I missed out on the one I really wanted.
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