Apr 19, 2013
Well, tonight (technically it's morning.....cause it's 1:22 a.m.) I decided to celebrate my 10 months clean by going to a new NA meeting. Wow.....just wow....on the mixture of feelings I had as I drove home.
I went to AA meetings for 18 straight yrs way back when......and for the next 7 yrs my spiritual walk took me to new places and new fellowships. Then, at 25 yrs sober...I entered into a VERY long 5 yr. season of one health crisis after another.....and became addicted to pain pills. I'm in AWE once again, tonight, as I try to process how much the world has changed while I've been homebound, bedridden and not able to get out and "do" and "see".
I truly feel like I've lived on another planet since March of 2008 . Stores that I've NEVER EVER heard of are everywhere....restaurants, too. Streets and intersections have changed. Places I used to go to ALL the time.....are now closed or out of business. It's EERIE to me!!! Come to think of it, I hadn't ever even been on an internet social network or community until I was 55 days clean and found MedHelp!! It's hard to explain.....cause even when I did manage to leave the house, it was just to go to something necessary like a dr's appt, or surgery, or occasionally a family 'deal'. We used to have the health and the money to live life in this way I can hardly remember now. No, I'm not complaining as we've learned to be content with "much" or with "little".....it just feels kinda like the "twilight zone" when I go somewhere these days.
The 18 yrs I was active in AA and Al-Anon, I went to MANY meetings, retreats, conferences, camp outs, bonfires, dances, etc. Although I have not been physically able to go to many NA meetings since getting off opiates, I came home in total shock tonight. The new meeting I attended was warm, and they welcomed me. (I also froze my butt off cause for April 18th it's a frigid 32 dang degrees here tonight!) It was a book study....and there were only about 10 people there total. I listened.....and observed.......and shared just a titch.....but the shock and eerieness that I felt driving home was because AFTER the meeting.......this gal had said during the meeting that she had been clean 8 yrs and relapsed.... and was back at 25 days clean tonight. She and I talked after the meeting.....and I shared that I was looking for a way to deal with my chronic pain. And, (of course) I said I was interested in learning about anything that would help that is NOT addictive. She tells me she currently is taking Tramadol....!!!!! And that this guy across the room new of another med that wasn't addictive, but she couldn't think of the name of it. She takes me over to him and asks him.......guess what he says? Subutex!!!!!!! I'm quite sure the shocked look on my face was more than obvious!! I mean, come on, I'm at an NA meeting here!! I would have understood that "lack of knowledge" more so at an AA meeting.....but NA?
I had a very short, very ignorant 28 days that I was prescribed and took subutex/suboxone. I knew absolutely ZERO about it going on it.....AND coming off it. I had a wacko dr. and actually took myself off it and went into precipitated w/drawals....so that made this guy's comment about subutex hit me even harder!
I have SO many friends on this site who are Tramadol warriors!!! And my research was VERY thorough and helpful about usings subs.....even if it was "after the fact". They are both narcotics....and I was at a NEW NA meeting!
Flabergasted probably doesn't even describe how I felt when I listened to them (and "I" was the only newcomer tonight)
I DID ask the gal if she new Tramadol was a synthetic opiate with AD properties in it. And I DID respond to the guy that told me the name of this so-called med that was non-addictive (subutex) that it WAS a narcotic. But, for me......mouthy Connie.....I didn't say much more.....I just had this compulsion to get the heck out of Dodge.
So, tonight, I am needing to share how INCREDIBLY GRATEFUl I am to MedHelp and all I have learned here.
I did buy the book "Living Clean....The Journey Continues".....and I did get a hug and a 9 mo key chain (even tho I'm 10 months today....hahaha!) Soooo......just needed to talk about this. Cause it's after 2:15 a.m. now....and my head just won't "shut off" yet.
So.....yaddayadda.....tomorrow's a new day......and NOW I'm 301 days clean and going to bed with a grateful heart!