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I NEVER would have known.....

Apr 19, 2013 - 4 comments

Well, tonight (technically it's morning.....cause it's 1:22 a.m.) I decided to celebrate my 10 months clean by going to a new NA meeting.  Wow.....just wow....on the mixture of feelings I had as I drove home.  

I went to AA meetings for 18 straight yrs way back when......and for the next 7 yrs my spiritual walk took me to new places and new fellowships.  Then, at 25 yrs sober...I entered into a VERY long 5 yr. season of one health crisis after another.....and became addicted to pain pills.  I'm in AWE once again, tonight, as I try to process how much the world has changed while I've been homebound, bedridden and not able to get out and "do" and "see".

I truly feel like I've lived on another planet since March of 2008 .  Stores that I've NEVER EVER heard of are everywhere....restaurants, too.  Streets and intersections have changed.  Places I used to go to ALL the time.....are now closed or out of business.  It's EERIE to me!!!  Come to think of it, I hadn't ever even been on an internet social network or community until I was 55 days clean and found MedHelp!!  It's hard to explain.....cause even when I did manage to leave the house, it was just to go to something necessary like a dr's appt, or surgery, or occasionally a family 'deal'.  We used to have the health and the money to live life in this way I can hardly remember now.  No, I'm not complaining as we've learned to be content with "much" or with "little" just feels kinda like the "twilight zone" when I go somewhere these days.

The 18 yrs I was active in AA and Al-Anon, I went to MANY meetings, retreats, conferences, camp outs, bonfires, dances, etc.  Although I have not been physically able to go to many NA meetings since getting off opiates, I came home in total shock tonight.  The new meeting I attended was warm, and they welcomed me. (I also froze my butt off cause for April 18th it's a frigid 32 dang degrees here tonight!)  It was a book study....and there were only about 10 people there total.  I listened.....and observed.......and shared just a titch.....but the shock and eerieness that I felt driving home was because AFTER the meeting.......this gal had said during the meeting that she had been clean 8 yrs and relapsed.... and was back at 25 days clean tonight.  She and I talked after the meeting.....and I shared that I was looking for a way to deal with my chronic pain.  And, (of course) I said I was interested in learning about anything that would help that is NOT addictive.  She tells me she currently is taking Tramadol....!!!!!  And that this guy across the room new of another med that wasn't addictive, but she couldn't think of the name of it.  She takes me over to him and asks him.......guess what he says?  Subutex!!!!!!!  I'm quite sure the shocked look on my face was more than obvious!!  I mean, come on, I'm at an NA meeting here!!  I would have understood that "lack of knowledge" more so at an AA meeting.....but NA?

I had a very short, very ignorant 28 days that I was prescribed and took subutex/suboxone.  I knew absolutely ZERO about it going on it.....AND coming off it.  I had a wacko dr. and actually took myself off it and went into precipitated w/ that made this guy's comment about subutex hit me even harder!

I have SO many friends on this site who are Tramadol warriors!!!  And my research was VERY thorough and helpful about usings subs.....even if it was "after the fact".   They are both narcotics....and I was at a NEW NA meeting!
Flabergasted probably doesn't even describe how I felt when I listened to them (and "I" was the only newcomer tonight)

I DID ask the gal if she new Tramadol was a synthetic opiate with AD properties in it.  And I DID respond to the guy that told me the name of this so-called med that was non-addictive (subutex) that it WAS a narcotic.   But, for me......mouthy Connie.....I didn't say much more.....I just had this compulsion to get the heck out of Dodge.

So, tonight, I am needing to share how INCREDIBLY GRATEFUl I am to MedHelp and all I have learned here.

I did buy the book "Living Clean....The Journey Continues".....and I did get a hug and a 9 mo key chain (even tho I'm 10 months today....hahaha!)  Soooo......just needed to talk about this.  Cause it's after 2:15 a.m. now....and my head just won't "shut off" yet.

So.....yaddayadda.....tomorrow's a new day......and NOW I'm 301 days clean and going to bed with a grateful heart!



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by laurel453, Apr 19, 2013
this is a good, good place, right ? ... besides, i am really proud of having you around here!! LOH, sis :)

by toothfairie, Apr 19, 2013
i'm very grateful to have found this place as well Connie!  i had a bottle of trams when i got clean...they were 4-5 years old....flushed them cuz they never did anything for me....not my glad i flushed them now!  and i never even heard of subs before i joined MH!! glad i got some education about these drugs!  this place has saved many lives i'm sure, including mine.  Congrats on those 301 hard earned days girl!  xoxoxoxo

by VICourageous, Apr 19, 2013
Congratulation of your 301 days now..You Rock Girlfriend..I do go to both meetings..It depends on which one I go to during the Week..Some have many, many years behind them and are real stick about taking any all..Now that Subs are a in me its all about the money, but that is my opinion. We do have one here in are small town that comes in..I have to bite my tongue..She is so jacked up and all over..But she is the only one. All others are clean and very serious about staying that way.. I just learned that the Dr has her on a Fent Patch AND Subs!!!! Now you go figure this one!!!  OMG she must me so jacked up and does not know if she is coming or going..I just love my AA by my house..It is cross addiction but we try to keep it simple..We have a Dr in this town who put almost the whole town on opiates. He than quit his practice and open up a new one for Subs..Now we all know he is in it for the money..heck he has nice new experience car now..and a ranch..He came into a meeting once and wanted to know if people on meds could come..Well it is OK! But he got slammed at the meeting..They did open a new one for the people that are using one drug to get off of another..And they can come to any, but in the beginning it is said that this is Recovery to stay clean from all substances..So Yes I do get a little angry because they just trust the Dr and it is OK to be on one drug but not the other..I have discussed this with some people..They just say with in time they should get it and it is up to there Higher Power...Or we can not turn them away..OK I do understand and I know God is in control..But geeeeezzzz this girl gives me contact high...Ekkkk I also had a run in with someone on Trams..You know if the Drs are telling them it it "non-addictive" Then they are going to believe this..This one who did get addicted to the Trams tells me she talked to many DR and there is no anti-depressed in it..I just told her to come here and read all the stories..How can lots of people from all over the World say this..They do not even know each other..AND I had a nice talk with my Dr yesterday, who was very pleased with what I have learned on here..I asked him about all kinds of Mental issues too..Like why does alot of Drs thank every one is Bi-Polor?  (Sub Dr thanks this) he said it is highly over rated and that most people do not have this. ..He said you can really tell when someone does..So I will say Thanks to this Site..I have learned a lot in many, many different areas..And Thank you Connie for being with me all the Way!!!!! Great Job on 301 days..Ya!

by meegWpaw, May 05, 2013
whoa, Connie that really is a trip ha ha ha ... it made me laugh.  i mean, its not really ha ha funny but its still kind of funny.  i had a bottle of tramadol in my old studio and i had known it was back there for a while but i never knew much about tramadol until recently.  all i know is that when i used to go to Mexico to score vike they always offered me ultram or tramadol and i never wanted it.  but i think this old bottle was one someone gave me .... i just threw it away about a month ago.  it felt good too.  sounds like a fun meeting!  ;)    --Meegy

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