insomnia + dysphoria

this is really NOT fun. added onto the insomnia is pretty awful dysphoria now too... not in terms of depression or feelings of sadness... i am not remotely depressed or sad... i feel great emotionally, other than being frustrated and over-whelmed with these icky side-effects of coming off the effexor.

i'm hoping that this settles itself out very soon.

i don't want to have to go back on the effexor.

the pins + needles is terrible. the tachycardia is terrible. the insomnia is terrible. the restlessness is terrible. i am so irritable. agitated. i am finding myself to also be crushing on television and film personalities at a disturbing level... i have never been a fangirl and suddenly i feel like a thirteen year old girl and i feel the need to subscribe to every fan site for stars i've never even found attractive before. part of me wonders if i am trying to distract myself from how extremely odd i'm feeling... and part of me wonders if this whole fangirl thing is PART of how extremely odd i'm feeling. oh, and there is also this physical anxiety... it's not really anxiety, but i can't find another word to describe it... but, all the physcical symptoms anxiety without any of the emotional feelings or thoughts that go along with anxiety. and just a general feeling of being really uncomfortable in some way all the time... although sometimes it's a GOOD uncomfortable which worries me when i'm feeling the BAD uncomfortable... because how is feeling uncomfortably odd ever a good thing? obvious mania.

in fact, i seem to be rapidly cycling between dysphoric mania and dysphoric depression... all week i've been staying up 48-72 hours and then crashing and sleeping 16-24 hours.

my doctor says it's all a symptom of coming off the effexor and i'll feel better soon. but... right now, i feel really really really weird.

at least i'm not dealing with the migraines. and at least i'm happy. i mean, even though i'm irritable and anxious... i'm still HAPPY. i totally recognize why i'm irritable and anxious and those feelings are just these physical things that i can't control... although emotionally and mentally i'm completely here and grounded and happy.

and i'm OUT OF PAIN. well... i mean... relatively. i still have low-grade headaches. i have still had migraines, but they have NOT been severe or lasting. i still have back/neck/shoulder pain. but... it's all manageable... and i don't even mean manageable with pain pills. i mean manageable with relaxation techniques, exercises, warm baths, cold packs, and peppermint oil. it is like i am an average person experiencing NORMAL PAIN. i don't know how long this is going to last for. i don't even care how long it lasts for because i appreciate this time SO MUCH. i guess that i should just be happy that the migraines are gone right now... and not worry about the other stuff i'm dealing with... because, seriously, it all pales in comparison to the migraines.