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And the nerves return :(  

Apr 29, 2013 - 14 comments

Here I sit filling out DH's paperwork for the urologists and I feel hopeless.  I'm scared of getting MORE bad news :(.  We're putting off my surgery until after his appointment because IF things are really bad I'm going to have surgery and whatever the option is to control my endo (since we probably won't EVER conceive :( )  BUT if he gets decent news, needing vitamin's etc. etc...I'll have the surgery anyways and go from there.  
I feel guilty though..I've never talked to him about donor sperm..NEVER..but here I'm looking online at donor sperm from places like California Cryobank and NW Cryobank.  Anyways, I feel soo guilty for looking at this without him knowing.  IS it a possiblity?  Scared of how he'd feel about it.  Sad about everything that's going on.  BLAH!!

Anyone that did Donor sperm, where did you "shop" at ?  

This IS never ending. :(
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by hopeitworks, Apr 29, 2013
I cant comment on the Donor Sperm as this wasnt a issue with us it was all me :(
However I think its best to have your surgery regardless get cleaned out and figure
out 1 will egg retrieval be possible if IVF is needed, if not then whats next step
If your tubes are clear and your a canidate for IUI then worry about the Donor Sperm

Have you talked to DH about adoption? ABout what if one of you couldnt have children. What are his feelings on this?I know DF and I
talked about these things in round about ways years ago before we even knew anything

Perhaps its come up but just not Spelled out.

Im wishingyou the best of luck and dont ever say NEVER because you have to have Hope sweetie. You still have all the organs needed to carry and concieve so therefore you still have HOPE!! :) xoxo



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by Yrmacias, Apr 29, 2013
Don't feel bad about looking into donor sperm.........your just looking, getting infor and getting yourself informed ahead of time. I looked into IVF before finishing all my IUI treatments......its only natural to be curious and think ahead. Praying and hoping that you wont need DS.

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by Des_a_rae, Apr 29, 2013
Thank you ladies so much!!  
I'm trying to take one step at a time,  but ugh, it's soo frustrating.  It's always something.  I've never talked about any of this with him.  Never talked about the "what if's".  We've only started dealing with this when he got the results of his SA.   I guess we've just put his results to the back and hope it "went away" if you will.  BUT now that the urologists appointment is coming up, it's all in our face again, especially mine.  
I"m filling out these papers and wanting to know "complaint" and all I can write is Male Infertility. :(  
Then on down the pages (being a urology appointment) wanting to know if he's having problem urinating, burning, blah blah blah..then it says "other" and again I write Male Infertility.  Maybe I'm being over dramatic about this...I just PRAY we get news we can work with.  His appointment is May 6th at 9:00am.  

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by KTowne, Apr 29, 2013
I'm praying so hard for you, this journey needs to end with a big fat positive for you, you deserve it. Good things come to those who (have) to wait. And you will get your blessing, I'm sure of it. God wouldn't waste such a good mother :)

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by retta483, Apr 29, 2013
im praying everything is good :) I think he will be ok  ive heard of re's giving males clomid  i have no idea what it does for them I just wanted to tell you im praying for you xx

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by Des_a_rae, Apr 30, 2013
Thank you SO much!!  

I've waited for so long that I'm just about out of WAIT :(

Retta, that's what my dr. said..maybe all he needs is something like Clomid.  I thought that was kinda crazy, but I'm not the doctor.  I just hope it's that easy to fix...I'll take any of his "mood swings" as long as we get the chance to be parents.  

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by mhv, Apr 30, 2013
Well, I can Tell you this.  You will soon find out your hubby wants a child as much as you do, and do whatever it takes to get one. After everything we went through, we both jumped on board for donor embryos much quicker then I ever imaged possible.  My thinking is....leave no avenue unexlored.  Open the communication now.....keep the dialog flowing.  Talk about DS, DE, donor embryos, adoption....bring it all up. See where you both stand....you might be suprised :).



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by heather727, May 03, 2013
My neighbors used donor sperm (they are a female couple and they each carried a baby). I'm on the east coast, so the place they used wouldn't be available to you. The biggest thing they liked about the place that used was that they were able to see current and baby pictures of the donor. For them, they wanted someone who didn't have very noticable features because they wanted their children to look like them rather than the donor. I know some women choose donors that resemble their husband's build and coloring. But you'll have to discuss all the options with DH to see what he is comfortable with, etc.

My DH and I were lucky that we didn't need to worry about it but I did discuss with him prior to us TTC our first what he was comfortable with. He said that if it didn't happen naturally (as in NO interventions AT ALL - not even tests!), that he felt it was God's way of telling us we should adopt. I asked him what the difference was between adopting and using donor sperm (at least that child would be half our DNA) and he said he just wasn't comfortable with it. Like I said, we were very lucky not to have to worry about it, but you have to have the conversation first to know where he stands.

Like KTowne said, God would never waste such a good mother. You WILL be a mother some day - whether through donor spirm, IVF or adoption - it will happen for you! :)

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by Des_a_rae, May 03, 2013
Thank you Mhv and Heather!   I'm soo nervous.  

I'm sure we'll be doing alot of talking after the dr. visit, depending on the outcome.  They'll probably want a repeat SA and I'm praying it's better this time since he's been taking FertilAid for awhile now.  I PRAY it's helped, even if  a little.   I think my worrying is delaying my period..wooptie doo.   I know she's there..she's hurting me like always lol, just waiting to show.

Please say a prayer if you all dont mind... We go in at 9:00 am on Monday.  

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by butterflybabies, May 03, 2013
Sending you tons of prayers that you get some good news! I agree that you should have the surgery you need to get yourself ready for ttc. Dh and I talked about all options available when we first started our journey. I was surprised at how easy it was to talk about and how we both felt the same. I think you'd be surprised to find out how your Dh feels. To us it didn't matter where the baby came from, he/she would be ours and we just wanted to be parents. We never had to do DS,DE or anything but at least we knew what options there were in case.

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by mhv, May 05, 2013
Is your appt tomorrow??  Have you opened up any dialogue with your husband concerning all avenues of helping ttc?   I hope so. Cause once you start it, it really does become easier.  It might make him more comfortable too, if you start discussing it before the appt.  just a thought.

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by mhv, May 05, 2013
I guess it would also matter if you are open to all avenues?  I was always a thinker  of I didn't care where my child came from.  The moon man could have dropped it in my lap! Lol... Would you be open to all ideas??  

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by vogliobambini, May 05, 2013
My husband has blocked tubes and even though he produces normal, healthy sperm we were unable to get pregnant. He had major reconstructive surgery at the Cleveland Clinic which was very invasive and was terrible. Unfortunately, it was unsuccessful. We eventually moved to donor sperm (cali cryo) and we are finally pregnant. It doesn't matter to him or me. It's just cells and biology. It has NOTHING to do with the love and joy of being a family a baby will bring. The rest is just cells and science. It took me 5 years to accept not having 100% biological baby but now that we finally are having our miracle child after 10 yrs of ttc. All that matters is the life inside me growing for us- together. Best wishes to you!!!

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by vogliobambini, May 05, 2013
Sending you prayers and strength!!!

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