rnh3290's Profile
Mood:
rnh3290 is
feeling like a fat cow. and cravin lemonade
About Me:
Female, 18, PA, member since Jan 2008
i'm, 18yrs old 19 weeks pregnant, and im due in december Im here for those of u who needs someone to relate to, or if u just wanna talk.
Interests:
such is life
Mar 27, 2008 05:45PM
- 0 comments
its only been a few days since the "incident" and im feeling slightly better. i took alot of advice including wen my friend said not to let it wory me right now. there is nothing i can do, its too early so why let it bug me? ill just wait til the beg of april and see how my period is if i get one. if its light and ireegular ill take a test, if its normal then ive once again gotten lucky. I got checked out and i do not have a disease, so ive also gotten lucky there too. i cant help but think how much diff things would be for me if i have a baby. i mean i know id be a great mom, every one i know knows how great i am with children and babies. theres not a person i kno that hasnt said what a great mother ill make. but i kinda wanted to have some time to grow up and ahve fun first. ive finally realized that being 18 doesnt really make me "grown" mentally. legally, i can vote, get a gun, go 2 a bar ( but i cant drink) by tobacco products, and work. but i still cant make mayjor decisions, and i still like to have fun. i still react like a child in certain situations. but i guess god doesnt give us things that we cant handle. he gives us children for a reason. maybe a baby would help me grow up faster, and take away my horrible habit of procrastinating lol.
im still horribly disapointed in myself right now for doing that but hey what are mistakes for? ive learned from it most def. but i guess what helped me feel better is that he actaully DID call me the next day. small comfort i kno but still it helps to know that. of course i didnt call him back. he is def someone i do not wanna get to know. a guy that just met me and the first thing he does b4 he even asks my age is puts his arm around me and attempts to kiss me isnt somone i wanna be around. you know i found out that i was the first black girl he ever had sex with. well i feel flattered. and hes on bail for robbery! ive already been in a realionship with an ex con ( he was outta shumans center but its still the same thing) who was locked up for attempted murder. our relationship started out pretty much the way it did with the boy i just been with. sex first. ask questions, get to know each other later. and im def not tryna be in another relationship that revolves around sex. that one was actually trying to get me pregnant. knowing full well he prolly wuoldnt be able to stay out of jail long enuff to name her. in a weird twisted way i kinda still want a baby, simply because so many of my friends are having them, and after awhile you kinda feel left out when you cant even talk about nothing with them becuase their pregnant and your not. ive been tryin my best to surpress my "urges" since easter nite, to call up my f*ck buddy lol. i havent been with him since the weekend. so far ive been successful, but i know im gonna end up calling him sooner or later. ah well. maybe one day ill be able to go for months and months without even thinking about it. and not becuase im sick or im grounded, but because i just dont want to do that. i doubt thatll ever be. itll take a miracle for that.
im still horribly disapointed in myself right now for doing that but hey what are mistakes for? ive learned from it most def. but i guess what helped me feel better is that he actaully DID call me the next day. small comfort i kno but still it helps to know that. of course i didnt call him back. he is def someone i do not wanna get to know. a guy that just met me and the first thing he does b4 he even asks my age is puts his arm around me and attempts to kiss me isnt somone i wanna be around. you know i found out that i was the first black girl he ever had sex with. well i feel flattered. and hes on bail for robbery! ive already been in a realionship with an ex con ( he was outta shumans center but its still the same thing) who was locked up for attempted murder. our relationship started out pretty much the way it did with the boy i just been with. sex first. ask questions, get to know each other later. and im def not tryna be in another relationship that revolves around sex. that one was actually trying to get me pregnant. knowing full well he prolly wuoldnt be able to stay out of jail long enuff to name her. in a weird twisted way i kinda still want a baby, simply because so many of my friends are having them, and after awhile you kinda feel left out when you cant even talk about nothing with them becuase their pregnant and your not. ive been tryin my best to surpress my "urges" since easter nite, to call up my f*ck buddy lol. i havent been with him since the weekend. so far ive been successful, but i know im gonna end up calling him sooner or later. ah well. maybe one day ill be able to go for months and months without even thinking about it. and not becuase im sick or im grounded, but because i just dont want to do that. i doubt thatll ever be. itll take a miracle for that.