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I had a feeling this day would come...
Mar 27, 2008 08:51PM
- 3 comments
So my best friend and boyfriend will probably NEVER be friends. His birthday is a week from Saturday. He wants to fly me out that weekend, so we can go to the baseball game. I'm thinking, why not? It would be fun, and it gives us time together. I mean, he is still my boyfriend. I am still giving us a chance to make this work even though I'm a bit less optimistic. I'm taking it one day at a time.
Well, my girlfriend asked how we were doing, and I said fine. Then I asked if she would mind watching my house and dog the following weekend. She said sure and asked where I was going. As soon as I said Phoenix, she blurted out that I'm dumb...more than once, more than twice. I told her I'd talk to her later and walked away. I don't need this kind of criticism.
I'm not truly mad at her right now as much as I'm just extremely hurt. I understand how she may not like him for all the problems we've had, and I know that she feels like my life is consumed by him, and I know that I probably share way too much and should've just backed off with the talk, but was it necessary to call me dumb??? I mean, it's bad enough that I feel like I'm a glutton for punishment, that I do this to myself, that I feel like an idiot. I don't need my best friend to tell me. I need love and support. Tell me you don't agree. Tell me you just can't hear it anymore. Don't tell me that I'm dumb!!
I'm upset because I feel like I'm going to lose her as a friend because of him. On the other hand, if D and I can finally get through all the b.s. and be happy, then it's worth it to have gone through all this. It's not easy. We've got a serious issue that takes time to work through. I want to believe we can.
Maybe I have lost my grip on reality, but I still have to do this my own way. Dumb or not, he has a way of making me feel like I'm the most beautiful, special person in his life, and I can't deny that makes me feel really good.
And then I get to hear it that I'm codependent because I fell in love with a guy who has an addiction. Great! Years of independence taught me to love myself. I don't define myself through him. I know what I love, and I'm passionate about it. I just want to believe we can work through this all. It's possible, albeit unlikely. I'm holding out for possible until I've had enough. Codependent? Maybe. I call it hopeful.
Well, my girlfriend asked how we were doing, and I said fine. Then I asked if she would mind watching my house and dog the following weekend. She said sure and asked where I was going. As soon as I said Phoenix, she blurted out that I'm dumb...more than once, more than twice. I told her I'd talk to her later and walked away. I don't need this kind of criticism.
I'm not truly mad at her right now as much as I'm just extremely hurt. I understand how she may not like him for all the problems we've had, and I know that she feels like my life is consumed by him, and I know that I probably share way too much and should've just backed off with the talk, but was it necessary to call me dumb??? I mean, it's bad enough that I feel like I'm a glutton for punishment, that I do this to myself, that I feel like an idiot. I don't need my best friend to tell me. I need love and support. Tell me you don't agree. Tell me you just can't hear it anymore. Don't tell me that I'm dumb!!
I'm upset because I feel like I'm going to lose her as a friend because of him. On the other hand, if D and I can finally get through all the b.s. and be happy, then it's worth it to have gone through all this. It's not easy. We've got a serious issue that takes time to work through. I want to believe we can.
Maybe I have lost my grip on reality, but I still have to do this my own way. Dumb or not, he has a way of making me feel like I'm the most beautiful, special person in his life, and I can't deny that makes me feel really good.
And then I get to hear it that I'm codependent because I fell in love with a guy who has an addiction. Great! Years of independence taught me to love myself. I don't define myself through him. I know what I love, and I'm passionate about it. I just want to believe we can work through this all. It's possible, albeit unlikely. I'm holding out for possible until I've had enough. Codependent? Maybe. I call it hopeful.
Don't be too upset with your friend - if she really disagrees with you, then she wouldn't be your true friend if she didn't make you fully aware of her disagreement. If she thinks that you're doing something harmful, you can't expect her "love and support" on this particular issue. We're all human, and will throw out words like "dumb" in the heat of the moment.
I should rephrase. I'm not looking for her to agree with me. I know she doesn't, and I understand. I just don't need the insult blurted out to me several times. I know what you mean, though, when you talk about the heat of the moment. I just wouldn't mind an apology when she's cooled down.
I'm not a big fan of the "Codependent label". I think it is a cach all phrase that is used way to often. It can discribe a lot of relationships and depending on how you read the definition, it could apply to everyone I know. That's just one person's opinion for what it's worth.
Keep in mind that this guy has to have his own incentive to stop drinking. You might be part of that incentive, but he still has to stop for his own reasons (without being resentful). If he can't stop with a positive attitude, then you should probably stay away from him.
Keep in mind that this guy has to have his own incentive to stop drinking. You might be part of that incentive, but he still has to stop for his own reasons (without being resentful). If he can't stop with a positive attitude, then you should probably stay away from him.
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