Mar 30, 2009
This is a normal day for me. My outlet is writing poetry, which is all depressing to read. I've wanted to die but my animals give me a reason to live. I can't afford to live anymore since my job of eith years fired me when they found out I was ill again. I have had lung and breast cancer. i was diagnosed with multiple Sclerosis almost 17 years ago. John's Hopkin's recently diagnosed me with fibromylagia, polycethemia vera, thrombocythemia, and severe depression. i used to be a personal trainer, now I am nothing. I don't like going out being around people so I keep to myself. I have run all of my friends off....so I don't end up hurting their feelings. People who have never been depressed don't know how and what it can do to you. so I just don't try to explain anymore. i am exhausted. I'm trying to save my home because I have no where elsa to go, especially with my 20 year old cat. She's set in her way, like me I guess. i also have a dog or I would find a way never to have to go outside. I used to be a fun person until these diseases took over. I am tired of fighting, so I don't. If I lose my home i know of a shed that I can move into. It has a roof, that's enough for me but I worry for my animals. when they go.....so will I. I am not afraid to die, I look forward to it most days. I used to have a life full of friends and laughter but no one understands a disease that they can't see. Maybe if my arms or legs were cut off they could relate to that. That would be tangable. I am so sad.