Pain and fatigue and depression

This is a normal day for me. My outlet is writing poetry, which is all depressing to read. I've wanted to die but my animals give me a reason to live.  I can't afford to live anymore since my job of eith years fired me when they found out I was ill again. I have had lung and breast cancer. i was diagnosed with multiple Sclerosis almost 17 years ago. John's Hopkin's recently diagnosed me with fibromylagia, polycethemia vera, thrombocythemia, and severe depression.  i used to be a personal trainer, now I am nothing.  I don't like going out being around people so I keep to myself. I have run all of my friends off....so I don't end up hurting their feelings.  People who have never been depressed don't know how and what it can do to you.  so I just don't try to explain anymore. i am exhausted.  I'm trying to save my home because I have no where elsa to go, especially with my 20 year old cat. She's set in her way, like me I guess.  i also have a dog or I would find a way never to have to go outside. I used to be a fun person until these diseases took over.  I am tired of fighting, so I don't.  If I lose my home i know of a shed that I can move into.  It has a roof, that's enough for me but I worry for my animals.  when they go.....so will I.  I am not afraid to die, I look forward to it most days.  I used to have a life full of friends and laughter but no one understands a disease that they can't see.  Maybe if my arms or legs were cut off they could relate to that. That would be tangable. I am so sad.