May 06, 2013
I guess it's easier to write this in a land of peoples woahs, wonders, and blunders then it would be on any other forum or journal.
Not a lot has changed for me since the bad eating habits begin. Habitually out of loneliness, depression, anger, or sometimes as well do out of pure boredom. My parents would encourage me to lose weight, but would never put healthy foods in the house until I reached well over 160 pounds. That's when my mother (who has tried and failed at every diet in her life) decided she'd take me for a whirl on her soon to be sinking ship to finding weight loss. She has ultimately given up, as I did briefly. The incentives, "We'll take you on a cruise, wherever you want to go! A whole new wardrobe would have to go with that.", but nothing worked. I didn't care about a trip, I cared about not getting any attention and feeling good when I ate junk food or sweets.
Eventually I lost a lot of weight and could've lost more, but got comfortable where I was. There were always still those times where lack of emotional support from my parents or fights with friends would end at the tub of a Rocky Road container. I'm a habitual feeling eater.
I have the will power in me to not eat as much, to exercise, but I feel I will always have those moments where I begin to think, "Screw it, nothing else works out for me, this won't either", which has been the case many times in the past. If you could see my meal list from yesterday you could tell that almost happened with Pasta for lunch and a Hershey's Ice Cream Cone. But, I figured, no one becomes a Pro-Athlete or Brain Surgeon in one day either.
With all that is going on I know it will be tough to give up my emotional eating, but I'm hoping if I have an urge I can come here and vent, make myself cry, laugh, and forget about food in the long run. Many years of emotional baggage have caused this baggage, but now that I'm on a mid-level of happiness I hope I can drop both sets and run.