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2 months into MY journey to recovery

May 08, 2013 - 10 comments

I'm just sitting here thinking about how much ANXIETY I was experiencing the first several weeks of wds!!  Omg!!  They were sooo bad.  Now everything is settling down somewhat.

I still will get some anxiety every now and then if I have a social event to attend.   But nothing like it was 2 months ago!!  

I Finally am starting to get my natural energy back to do my wkouts.   Getting those much needed endorphins pumping.

One thing I'm so grateful for is that I'm not numb to everything anymore!!!  I never realized how flipping numb I was!!  I mean EVErYTHInG.  Lol. I love having real emotions.  Although at times they are very raw.  But they are there!!!  

Just want to keep progressing and getting myself better!!  I don't want to EVER go back to having to take a pill everyday ever again!!    Lame lame lame. Is all that would make me feel like.  I hated that.  I felt so belittled to have to ask my hubby for a pill everyday.  It was embarrassing to me!!  A disgrace to myself.  I refuse to let that happen again!!  
I have come way to far to let that happen.  It feels AMazing to wake up and not have the first thing I grab for is a pill!!!   AMAzIng!!!!!  


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by starshine7, May 08, 2013
Chris, the very last paragraph you wrote was my LIFE! asking my bf for them...feeling guilt, pain, anger, anxiety, sadness, depression, hate for myself...

Where was the happiness??? I'm soooo glad BOTH of us are now beginning to discover it again!!!! :))))

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by EvolverU, May 08, 2013
These men...holding on to those pills..what's that about, eh?

Well, I wish they weren't even in the house for either of you guys! Come to think of it, we're all kinda' in the same boat. Chris, way to go! I hear you on the being numb and no longer wanting it. It's hard. I'm personally having a real emotional/physical trial by fire but just think how cool it would be for us all to pull together and battle these things successfully no matter what is thrown at us. Women Lead The Way! -- eventually the guys will follow ('hopefully' she said in a small voice.) Thanks for this.

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by SmilingBright, May 08, 2013
You are so right Karen!!!!  I never want to go back there again!!!!!    Hope u are well!!!!  

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by SmilingBright, May 08, 2013
Yes Annie!!   U are r spot on!!   Praying our guys will follow the path that we are paving for them!!  We are the brave ones!!!  Lol. They should feel pretty darn lucky and blessed to have such brave women to pave the way for them!!!!!  

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by FourJays, May 08, 2013
They are ALL lucky to have ALL you guys (well, I mean girls!)!  Chris, you are doing great and doing it YOUR way.   I can see you getting stronger and more confident and that is what it is all about.  I hope those feelings of shame and/or disgrace are long gone; you have proven you are committed to this and just keep on pushing forward despite any "bumps in the road" you have encountered along the way.  Whatever it takes, the goal is freedom from the pills for a lifetime and you are making it happen.  Congratulations on a hard fought 2 months!  SO proud of you girl!!!  Keep it up; we are always here for you :))

Julie

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by SmilingBright, May 08, 2013
Aww Julie.  Thank u my dear friend.  U gals always make me feel better.  Even w all my faults and imperfections;) u all still love me just the way I am.   Thanks.  Big big hugs to ya

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by EvolverU, May 09, 2013
Chris, we all have faults and imperfections & I know it's hard to love ourselves sometimes. I wish you could see yourself a little more as we see you..even at this distance..you're eminently lovable.

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by SmilingBright, May 09, 2013
Aww Annie you really know how to make a girl feel special   Bringing tears to my eyes.  Love u ladies!!!

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by VICourageous, May 09, 2013
Yes you are Sweet & Beautiful!!! And smarter then the average Bear...Ohhhh Ya the meds being around but Hid..It is tough enough to fight this battle in our head but to know they are around too just fires up the cravings in the Brain..So we have to be tougher then ever before..This disease is a life long battle but it has alot of rewards not use any substances..Like for me I might live longer now!!!! OK Gang we will hold Hands and Pray for Strength Today & Everyday!!!  lol

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by SmilingBright, May 09, 2013
Amen Vic!!!   You got it my friend.  Guess we are all in the same boat.   Thanks.   One day at a time!!!!

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