May 11, 2013
I woke up early, its like 730 here, and that's aite. went to bed pretty early and I think I fell asleep before midnite, which is a f*ckin miracle. ty um godwhoever, or whatever.
its amazing I am able to hold my head up at all after being such a mean and rude person (sic)
oh, la. its morning anyway, I am sick of all the mothers day hype on power 105.9 and other places cuz ... not cuz I don't give mad props to all the mommies out their incahluding mine ... hi moms ... but um ... I had a nasty and rude and mean! history with the hole md thing thruout my um marrij
im thinking of doing the manson hike but im not sure, think I will call Charlotte tho she have like seven jobs and its hard for her to get some time. weel c. I want to do lesson plans today so it is not hanging over my head
I was thinkin back to the days right after my relapse after the fire, which really was a relapse not a slip ... that was one of the biggest heroin periods I think I did it for like three weeks? I don't remember really, I just remember smoking it in the fu*ckin hotel, crazy! crazy s**t ...
but I remember that when we moved into the rental I would always write in the morning, and when I was first clean I had these like ... days of ... mental acuity and at the same time like ... what is it called .... re something ... not recall ... idk like reminisce that's it, about the past that was like cogent and fanciful at the same time like my brain was in this weird creative state idk im not saying it was good that I used hells no it wernt just it was a weird phase my brain went thru
now its just like, I goto bed, wake up its like, yeah I got nothing to say. certainly nothing happened to me in bed!
not funny really
ooh law I did something last nite I dint get to tell you I was restless and I could tell the evening was Pure Beeootee and so I went out for a lil short walk like too short! yup and um ... I was dress up cuz just did not consider it work out like .... just old jeans, like yeah big, and um ... oh I had a fancy top on its a real weird top like a little quasi sheer tee and connected to this purple flowing caftan like thing that has long tails you can tie up which I don't tie around the waist? yeah I got it at Ross ... about a year ago. its not Calvin or Coach its Ross ... now you can picture it eh?
yeah and my clogs which im not kidding put a good ten inches of height on me its dope.
so I went walking yinnae medhelp I told you my immediate hood ony a little ghetto up from my old hood I soon discovered you gots to be careful and member some guy owner a store got stabbed a few weeks ago? yeah but that's a mile up but I had just walked there when that happened! rillydog!
uh yeah and um ... anyways I went back in the subs like subdivisions ... in the high school halls ... in the shopping malls .... be cool or be castouts! yeah! you rock geddy and neil and nobody knows the other guys name! its like John fogerty! tom fogerty! and the Other Guy! ok im back. uhhhhh ... I already knewed this but the subs is coolio like a nice lil hood ...
pretty houses and nice nice flowers, lots of roses and tres huge colors and other nice little desert and cactus arrangements really sweet. this one little like cul de sac is totally different its like 12 modern two story houses in pale pastels like gray, yellow, blue and it says a big sign Private Property Keep Out but theres no gate or nothing just this dope little driveway and like, a diffy kind of concrete you like OH guess I can step in there but you could, you know? maybe something bad happen to you if you do. I wanted to try but skeer. ill do it next time. just one foot, then look around. like hello? anybody?
can I just say for a sec I have Changed My Mind about Luda. I likes him! he's not goofy. ok with the fro he is sort of goofy. but his personality and his intelligence have won me over. ok, I will sleep with you Luda. ok? and we can play your music while we do it. ok come on in . do you like Joshua Tree? how low can you go?
umm so anyway also the Pretty Houses have so many keen a$$ cute little windows in all surprising places like you go Architect Guy! yeah! and the funniest thing was medhelp, nobody home in any of em! they so spensive everyone working til late in the day! this make Meegy sad Meegy like awww you cain even joy your own crib. how bout I come in? stay a spell I will make a little cup of tea and sit in Baby Bears chair and drink it with my pinky crooked like this
yeah like that. well I got lots tention on my walk oh also I was wearing my Fancy bracelet cuff the beaded one I got at FYH restaurant and Hemp Central Store. yeah. and like all the couples old and young with Dogs all say HI and I say Hi and then I got quite a few checks sort of feeling shy I was like oh hi there and the best check was this guy across the street like with his moms and some Dogs and he look like Peter Tork! yeah I ain kiddin. but cuter! cuz PT wasn't that cute but like if you saw him in person you prolly be like ooh he fine
well, the guy had hair almost to his shoulders sweet and was wrestling funnily with the dogs and he kept looking across at me .... idk ... I tried to smile but idk if you can see that from there idk cuz my vision is rot and anyway I just was feelin self conscy las nite and like a little weirded out cuz I am getting to know tha hood. I don't knows anyone. in my old hood I knew everyone like hi hi hi hi hih hi
so ain used to wakin up SO early
ima do my lesson plans then
I mean medhelp im in ellay woopay I mean ELLAY WOOPAY and theres all kinds funky stuff to do good clean stuff you know and I aim to do it! if I don't hike maybe I take a trip to holly if I do I gots to invite MM cuz she have a permanent hardon for Holly and idk rattle around there for a while or something
like I gots alllllls day and I ain sick thank tha naturelor and I ain usin and I ain depress and
FUH the ppl who cain appreciate me! that means YOU S and AC!
and others as well.
and to those who like to rock, we salute you