I got issues!! With my DH. (He has got to go).

Well I have stayed home since Tuesday. So I was doing great. The only problem is I am so used to physically doing something it drives me insane to do this bed rest thing. So I have made a daily trip with my husband to various places, such as getting gas and going to walmart when he comes home after church or work.

Well He officially made me upset. I am so done with him I shake when I think about it. Don't get me wrong DH is growing up to be a good man, but still has little boy, mama's boy tendencies, which at the peak of my hormonal rollercoaster just puts me over the top.

Ok so I am on self prescribed bed rest. DH doesn't know how important this whole SCH bedrest thing is. We both had plans this weekend. I was attending a women's conference with the church, a birthday party and I was going dancing with the girls. So I informed him last week (prior to my current diganosis) that this weekend would be  great time for him and DS to go fishing. I was busy and they love to go and have not gone in a long time, so I figure it would be perfect.

Well of course I ended up in E.R. bleeding cramping yadda yadda yadda. (read the previous journal). So I told my DH I can't climb the stairs and I need to have everything within reach and I am going to try to baby this bleed so that it has time to absorb and not give it a reason to grow. Here is a time line.....

Sun-Mon 3/23 - 3/24 in E.R. slept the remainder of 3/24 and strategized how I was going to get time off of work, but still work and not push into my time off.

Tuesday 3/25 Big physicians board meeting, Follow up appointment with the OB. (Not helpful at all). Scheduled for U/S. Went to work, up the street from office. Did some last minute things and grabbed a bag full of paperwork that I can work on for the week and consider myself working from home. Told DH I needed to stay home, I was very crampy and bleeding was still going on. He agreed. He also suggested I no longer sleep on the couch, it looks uncomfortable (it really is) and he suggested moving our bed to the downstairs spare bedroom. I told him, Yeah maybe tommorow. Anyhow. It was late and I wanted some Vanilla Yogurt and Peter Pan Creamy Peanut Butter. (strange, but whatever). DH left to store 10 minute drive and calls me on the way back. Comes in the door empty handed. Says he forgot is wallet. Close the garage door and proceeded to go upstairs to go to be. He hesitated and said, "Baby if you really want the stuff I can go back, the cashier has it on hold cause I told her I would come back, but it's late he added and I am tired,"

Whatever. Not my fault he forgot his wallet. So I got my shoes grabbed my keys and headed for the door. DH stopped me and said you are not going, you need to rest, I will go. I said no that's ok. I know your tired and I will go. He then blocked me from going out the door grabbed the keys and said I could ride. DS, DH and I went to Walmart. They got out, I stayed in the care approx 11:12 pm or so. He locked me in the car and set the alarm. (Oh, how sweet, he cares). 12:00 I am still in the care no DH, no DS. I am now talking to myself. I am now getting real crazy wuth the conversation as well. Finally DS comes and jumps in the car. I asked him what took them so long, he said they were playing a hunting game....CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT MESS......I am cramping, I am tired, I am bleeding I am PISSED OFF (Lord forgive me).  DH comes 3 minutes later just happy as he wants to be not realizing DS spilled the beans. I requested not a word be spoken. Got home and laid on the couch and DH took his sorry behind upstairs to bed.

Wednesday 3/24

It's all gravy. DH says he is coming home for lunch, I say GREAT! He comes we talk. He eats,he leaves. Everything great right? He also says he is going to bring the bed downstairs after work. Wonderful cause I hate the couch. DH comes home. DS on spring break so he has been a help. I have to ask him for stuff between commercials and breaks from bike riding, but he complies. He whines about it,but he does it. Sometimes I just want to just say forget it I'll do it myself, but I am trying out this bedrest thing. DS takes out hamburger meat and says he wants Hamburger Helper. DH comes home after work and says, "Baby what do you want to eat, I'l cook you something jsut tell me what you want." I said a hamburger with cheese no bun and salad. He says ok. He makes dinner and I am happy. I reminded him about the bed. He says nothing. He is anticipating going to his hometown to get his boat and bring it back home so he can work on it for the weekend trip to fish.

I figured he would have cancelled and stayed close by rather than out at the lake, just in case I had to go to E.R. or whatever. but he was planning away. Online pluggin in websites, calling all his brothers and friends and rambling on about some Bass tournament and how excited he would be if he won 10,000 and on and on and on and on. and ON!!!!

I am in the living room on the couch, My domain for the past day and a half. He comes to put in a workout tape to work out and i asked him what he was doing? It was almost 8pm and I am still wondering about my bed and I also make it plain that this was my domain. I haven't left the couch but to pee and eat and I am not going to let anyone take over the T.V. He said he would go upstairs and work out and I said ok, When you come back down are you brining the bed with you. Oh can you say inconvenienced. He just whined and complained about how he has been moving since he got off of work and he was tired. I just looked at his tired *** and thought welcome to being a wife.
he bed came down, but I was too through with his cry baby butt.

His brother came by about 11:30 or so and brought his boat to him, You best believe he was off the couch and working on getting that suker in the back yard. He had a sudden burst of energy.



Thursday 3/26
DH calls in am says he is coming home for Lunch. I said great. I told him that I was not going to get out of bed, I was feeling nauseated. I told him I was hungry too. He said he would bring me lunch. I said GREAT! DS wanted to use some of the left over hamburger meat from last night and make HHelper and I said ok. So I shouted instructions from the couch. 11:30 DH comes home I am starving and he asks me what I want. I said Mcdonalds and he says ok. You want it now..AND I was like Yeah. DUH! I am hungry. Been hungry I want to be fed today. I said why do you ask, he says he wanted to go outside for a minute I said ok. Well the minute turned into 30 minutes and come to find out he was working on the boat. I walked to the kitchen and seen him on the side yerd plaing with the boat. So I grabbed a small bowl of HH and called it a wrap. I was satisfied, I was annoyed and I was tired, I got back in the bed and DH walks in and says, "Now what did you want again." I said nothing, I already ate and I appreciate his services. He was insistant on getting me what he acted like he forgot I wanted in the first place. I told him not to worry about it. He claimed he was asking again because I have been changing my mind a lot lately. OK WHATEVER. He came back with Mcdonalds, I ate some and gave it to DS.

After work, church etc. DH came home and asked me if I could go with hin to Walmart, I told him he wasn't slick I am not going to be locked up in the car again. I also knew he needed some money so he could go to Walmart to get Fishing pole for DS and whatever else needed  for their trip on Friday. I just wanted to choke him. (Still thinking is he going to change his plans and maybe go next weekend, once we get the all clear on Wednesday). Wow, Can you say selfish. He acted like he really needed me to go with him, so I went, He asked me to come in so I did. I sa in a chair in the home furninshng department that looked into the sporting goods dept and watched them search for whatever,

I was not in a happy mood because on the way to Walmart I said to him let's pick up some bread and he could make me sandwiches and I can have them by the bed for when they leave on their trip. I also requested to go by Blockbuster to get at least 5 movies for the weekend and I asked him to move the TV from our bedroom downstairs so I can watch flicks in bed, while they were gone until Saturday night. My DH had the audacity to say, he was not going to make me sandwiches and I was living it up. Staying at home and I had him and DS waiting on me hand and foot. I thought to myself you selfish SOB you have barely done anything and what little you have done you have whined about and so has DS. I asked him most plainly, what if I was on complete bed rest, what then. HE said I would hire YOU A NURSE...All I can say is OH WOW!!!! Being that I am a nurse, I think I have come to the conclusion that my husband would put me in a home as soon as I show signs of old age. I am highly disappointed. Every cuss word I can think of was going through my mind. So I sat in Walmart. MAD. HURT and USED.

We went home I didn't speak to him. I thought what a flake.

Friday 3/27
DH comes home for lunch, but calls first. Asked me what I wanted I said nothing. I meant it to. I had already figured that I was inconveniencing him. I already made up my mind I am going to just do what I got to do. He came home and kissed me on the forehead and asked again what do you want for lunch. Then grabbed the laptop from my lap and started surfing online about the Bass Tournament and made phone calls and on and on and on. I had asked him the day before to take me to the hospital so I can obtain my records from the E.R. visit. He said he would do it today. As he was online and talking about fishing. I mentioned to him that I can get the records before 3pm. He said ok. I am going to take the work truck back to work, get off early and take you to the hosital. I was like O.K. He left at 12:30p. Called me at 1pm saying he had to stay at work and do somthing. He called me back at 1:05 asking me how I was doing. I was suspicious cause I figured he wanted somthing. He has not truly cared about how I have been feeling, without asking how I am doing then throwing in a footnote. Can you...? Will you...? Have you..? I just got right to the point. What do you want? What do you need? He claimed nothing and we ended the call.

3:15- DS missing. My shoes missing, garage door open, DS bike gone. He left thehouse without permission. DH had not called. I knew I had till 4:30 to get my records, so I got dressed and headed out of the door. Backed out of garage and saw DS coming down the street on bike, in my shoes, looking a complete mess. I pretended like I didn't see him. As I drove up the street. I noticed DH car at a neighbors house. I WAS PISSED. He knew I needed my records. He is playing and has no regard for what's going on with me.

Went to Hospital got my own records turned off phone and went to store to get what I needed for weekend home alone. By this time I needed those people out of my house. I am so done. Tired of cleaning up ater them and asking for things and getting back talk and whining. SO I NEEDED THEM OUT.

I turned on phone to talk to my BABY MAMA, God Daughrters mom. Husband called a billion times. I cick over and this is what he says, "Baby DS and I are waiting on you so we can head out." I said, "Please don't wait on me, Go ahead and go." He then asks me where I was and then asked if I could bring them some hot dogs home...I hung up the DOG GONE PHONE.

On the way home I called him and said please be gone by the time I get home, because every foul mouthed spirit up in me is about to tear you a new one. He said give me 30 minutes I said I don't got that much time. He said he was leaving. Of course I got home and they were still her. I took the hot dogs threw them on the ground and went in the house,

I got a hold of that man just before he left and told him exactly how I felt. I asked him not to speak to just listen. Because if he spoke his voice was liable to send me over the top. He listened, apologized then left. I HATE HIM RIGHT NOW. I know that is not right BUT I DO!!!!  

I spent the night writing out baby names. Then took myself to bed.

Saturday 3/28

I tried to contain myself. I did. I just couldn't take it any longer. I had to go upstairs. it was like a freaking tornado hit it. My DH and DS are absolute slobs. I cleaned, I scrubbed, I vaccummed, I moved furniture, I did laundry, I bleached, I fixed, I put back together. I discovered in my 3 month old home permanent writing in black in on the walls of my sons room and 3 broken light switches. UGHHHHHHHHHH! I HATE THEM I DO. I don't but I DO!

My pressure was up I just know it. My body is tired. My heart is hurting and I am just done. I am sure if the bleed had absorbed by now I may have created a new one. I am just starting not to care. IF the man who wanted this more than anything. (It was like am everyday desire) doesn't care about it then why should I. God is going to do what he wants to do. I have no control over that.

My husband's lack of understanding, compassion, and desire to be helpful. Has truly put me in a depressed mood. I want him out. I don't even want to see his face. Maybe it's my emoitions and hormones, but I can do fine without having to clean up after another grown child. DS gives me enough grief. He's got to go. He is causing me more stress than anything.

It is now 2:30 in the morning he has come home. He asked me when he got in the bed if I went to my women's meeting. I thoughthow stupid of man did I really marry. What a stupid question. I changed my plans he didn't. He didn't have reception on the lake, so if something did go down he would not have known till he came back in.

I don't like his mother I just tolerate her and I am sure the feeling is mutual, his church family treated me like s*** so I finally left that CULT and I am just tired. I am tired of being the caretaker and I want to be taken care of. Jesus is the best caretaker I've had outside myself. So I am thinking about ending my marriage and becoming a NUN!! Will I even be accepted? UGH this world is not my home..I tell ya!!