May 16, 2013
I'm not gonna allow my ego stand n the way of my life and not reach out for help.
I've been having sum hard tines with my health (due to my addiction from ignoring the symptoms while I was getting high) on which I have to make a desicion on what to do n a month.one of those big life desicions. I'm watching a lady, which the program blessed me with, fighting for her life. Went to the hospital to c her today. It was hard. The Dr says her kidneys r starting to shut down. Watching her struggling for air is just heartbreaking. I haven't been working due to my health. I just realized when I filled up my gas tank I filled it up with the last dollar I had after checking my debit card.
Have I thought about a drink or drug? Absolutely!!! But I feel the pain I'm in and know just one sip or one line of something will intensify my pain by 100. If I want to make things worst thats what I can do.
I have been in such a mental fog and can't think clearly at all. That's where people like u guys and my AA family come into play to think for me.
H. A. L. T.
Angry...maybe a lil towards myself.
Lonely...anytime I feel these hard emotions I feel lonely. I have my dog so I'm not physically lonely. Just lonely in my mind.
Tired...yes. all the time since I've been sick n this fog isn't helping things.