May 17, 2013
Today I got another 6 week job. I am so nervous they are going to think I'm not good enough as I'm teaching French and I'm still only learning. I don't know the kids and haven't actually been at this school in almost 4 years when ( I learned today), a rumour was started about someone and they stopped asking back all the regular casual employees because they thought it was one of them. It really devastated me at the time, and so I'm nervous. Nervous of being watched and not being good as the terminator obsessive compulsive teacher that was doing things before me. So, there's that...
Then, I missed a dentist appointment today which I wanted to get in before the TWW. And we just bought a mattress which should be a good thing, but the store screwed it up and gave us the wrong size box xpring and we didn't notice. I'd been putting off getting a mattress because I didn't want to get a new one before our babies had finished peeing on them. I also wanted a soft one, but you can't have that with a little baby, and so it feels like this is the first step into giving up. We took out the old mattress and the bottom was covered with hair from my dog that died two years ago. Sophie is 7 in a couple days. I'm so jealous of my friend's 16 year old daughter who has just posted pictures of her ultra sound.
My course work isn't going away and my brain is so stuffed I feel like I don't know anything anymore. This weekend was supposed to be a break from it all and a little bit of catch up at the end, and fun things like planting the garden and setting up the new trailer but it has all the sudden become so packed I almost wish it was over.
This sounds so crazy. Like, get a grip crazy. I just wanted to write it out and hopefully calm down.