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Tramadol & Ultram Withdrawal and Recovery Room Part 6
Apr 05, 2009 12:56PM
- 207 comments
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Welcome to Part 6!
Please make yourself at home!
Please make yourself at home!
Hi Everyone, my nets been playing up this week so Ive missed a lot. Been busy too with spring planting and learning to live differently with my pain.
So this is...
Post Tram Pain Management Diary.....part... A really important bit!!!!
Validation,validation,validation. I know Ive talked about this before but it really is worth more attention.
Wanna know an (almost) secret?? Validation can reveal feelings that have been forgotten,trapped,masked off etc. One feeling can sometimes hide behind another too....
Heres how I found out: I was feeling very angry and frustrated the other day. I thought that I knew where these feelings were coming from so I used self-validation on myself with the thought"of course Im angry and frustrated,Ive been working with my pain for 2 hours to no effect and NOW I have to fix the CAR before I can get home!" Usually this would work and my feelings would subside to some degree but this time self-validation did not seem to work.
So I asked myself "what else might I be feeling angry or frustrated about?" Some time later I remembered what it was. Anger about one thing hidden/masked by anger about another thing,an event I thought I had forgotten.
Validation doesnt only help process our feelings it helps reveal/recall/unmask feelings we carry that are 'hidden' from us.
All these feelings create changes of tension,posture,chemistry in our bodies and are part of a feedback system informing us of our condition.
Ive been listening and responding to my 'feedback system' with validation for about 2 weeks now and I notice 4 things: Im sleeping better and Im getting more done. Also my stamina is increasing and the number of hours in pain per day/week is down. Hopefully this will hold or improve.There have been bad days, fog this week defeated me outdoors...damp and cold are not friends of spinal pain in my experience.
The commonest feeling Im getting from myself is resentment. Resenting making the effort, resenting the pain, resenting life for causing me pain. Of course Im going to feel resentment sometimes,after all this pain has to be faced for the rest of my life( I am encouraged to believe by the same experts that validate Tramadol!!)as far as I know.
Well, Ive found that I CAN enjoy planting spinach in pain, but I cant enjoy anything if Im feeling resentment,anger et al.
Something else seems to have changed..my pain doesnt 'lock in' for as long on bad days and Im feeling more relaxed in general. Today I was even feeling sociable!!!!
Validation works.
You can test it for yourself.
It wont harm you but it might make you 'weller' faster than you are comfortable with.
Children will LOVE you for it.
It will simplify your life.
It improves all relationships.
You will sleep better.
You will be more relaxed.
You wont be 'haunted' by feelings as much as before.
AND you get the chance to win a holiday for 2 at the Las Vegas Hilton!
(YES, I'll say ANYTHING to sell this idea!)
Of course you may feel skeptical, after all youve been fed so much ******** before.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emily- I once wished you a lighthouse, now you have helped me build a better one for myself.
I spent some time with children today and it was so thought provoking. I got to see how validation could fill my life with love. Several adults were left wondering why the kids were all so 'drawn' to me. This was not easy to respond to in a mixed group. I didnt know what to say. Validation is also a doorway for the love of ourselves and others to enter by.
Not ideal 'pub conversation' lol. I truly believe that from now on my relationships will be more fully human. I dont know of any thank yous big enough Emily.((((((thank you)))))).
Yet more...Ive also been watching tv this weekend and observing how/if 'successful' people use validation...another eye opener!! Its worth noting that in show business people who invalidate the work or reputation of others dont often do well by it. Invalidation is bad business. Obviously invalidation has its place. we wholly invalidate the idea that Tramadol is harmless. We must invalidate many things. It wont always be easy to know which ideas to validate and which not to. But our feelings are(mostly) less complicated because they are always valid it seems....and if they dont seem valid then we are probably missing something.
If my anger seems invalid then I have forgotten something that I am still angry about.
Emily-Its all so perfectly circular and simple!!! I can see why you believe so much in this one idea! Im truly overwhelmed by this gift,no one person/idea has ever done as much to aid my happiness as this. When I first came to the site it was soon obvious that people got weller here,often very quickly.But I couldnt see exactly why. Now I can.
So Im happy to be long winded and gushy in this post, just so long as I can go on record on this thread and say to anyone who comes here after me:
EMILY IS RIGHT- VALIDATION WORKS-TRY IT AND SEE.
Emily-I wish you all the love in the world.((((((Thank you))))))
So this is...
Post Tram Pain Management Diary.....part... A really important bit!!!!
Validation,validation,validation. I know Ive talked about this before but it really is worth more attention.
Wanna know an (almost) secret?? Validation can reveal feelings that have been forgotten,trapped,masked off etc. One feeling can sometimes hide behind another too....
Heres how I found out: I was feeling very angry and frustrated the other day. I thought that I knew where these feelings were coming from so I used self-validation on myself with the thought"of course Im angry and frustrated,Ive been working with my pain for 2 hours to no effect and NOW I have to fix the CAR before I can get home!" Usually this would work and my feelings would subside to some degree but this time self-validation did not seem to work.
So I asked myself "what else might I be feeling angry or frustrated about?" Some time later I remembered what it was. Anger about one thing hidden/masked by anger about another thing,an event I thought I had forgotten.
Validation doesnt only help process our feelings it helps reveal/recall/unmask feelings we carry that are 'hidden' from us.
All these feelings create changes of tension,posture,chemistry in our bodies and are part of a feedback system informing us of our condition.
Ive been listening and responding to my 'feedback system' with validation for about 2 weeks now and I notice 4 things: Im sleeping better and Im getting more done. Also my stamina is increasing and the number of hours in pain per day/week is down. Hopefully this will hold or improve.There have been bad days, fog this week defeated me outdoors...damp and cold are not friends of spinal pain in my experience.
The commonest feeling Im getting from myself is resentment. Resenting making the effort, resenting the pain, resenting life for causing me pain. Of course Im going to feel resentment sometimes,after all this pain has to be faced for the rest of my life( I am encouraged to believe by the same experts that validate Tramadol!!)as far as I know.
Well, Ive found that I CAN enjoy planting spinach in pain, but I cant enjoy anything if Im feeling resentment,anger et al.
Something else seems to have changed..my pain doesnt 'lock in' for as long on bad days and Im feeling more relaxed in general. Today I was even feeling sociable!!!!
Validation works.
You can test it for yourself.
It wont harm you but it might make you 'weller' faster than you are comfortable with.
Children will LOVE you for it.
It will simplify your life.
It improves all relationships.
You will sleep better.
You will be more relaxed.
You wont be 'haunted' by feelings as much as before.
AND you get the chance to win a holiday for 2 at the Las Vegas Hilton!
(YES, I'll say ANYTHING to sell this idea!)
Of course you may feel skeptical, after all youve been fed so much ******** before.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emily- I once wished you a lighthouse, now you have helped me build a better one for myself.
I spent some time with children today and it was so thought provoking. I got to see how validation could fill my life with love. Several adults were left wondering why the kids were all so 'drawn' to me. This was not easy to respond to in a mixed group. I didnt know what to say. Validation is also a doorway for the love of ourselves and others to enter by.
Not ideal 'pub conversation' lol. I truly believe that from now on my relationships will be more fully human. I dont know of any thank yous big enough Emily.((((((thank you)))))).
Yet more...Ive also been watching tv this weekend and observing how/if 'successful' people use validation...another eye opener!! Its worth noting that in show business people who invalidate the work or reputation of others dont often do well by it. Invalidation is bad business. Obviously invalidation has its place. we wholly invalidate the idea that Tramadol is harmless. We must invalidate many things. It wont always be easy to know which ideas to validate and which not to. But our feelings are(mostly) less complicated because they are always valid it seems....and if they dont seem valid then we are probably missing something.
If my anger seems invalid then I have forgotten something that I am still angry about.
Emily-Its all so perfectly circular and simple!!! I can see why you believe so much in this one idea! Im truly overwhelmed by this gift,no one person/idea has ever done as much to aid my happiness as this. When I first came to the site it was soon obvious that people got weller here,often very quickly.But I couldnt see exactly why. Now I can.
So Im happy to be long winded and gushy in this post, just so long as I can go on record on this thread and say to anyone who comes here after me:
EMILY IS RIGHT- VALIDATION WORKS-TRY IT AND SEE.
Emily-I wish you all the love in the world.((((((Thank you))))))
Kev, That was a beautiful post. Tell me more about "how" you use validation. I mean, what are the steps someone like me would go through to put this technique into play in my life? How do I make this work? I can be sort of slow sometimes, so please forgive me for asking. But I do want to understand more about the steps you go through, the "self talk" you engage in, etc. to make this work.
One of the things that you said, that I can really relate to is, "The commonest feeling Im getting from myself is resentment. Resenting making the effort, resenting the pain, resenting life for causing me pain. Of course Im going to feel resentment sometimes,after all this pain has to be faced for the rest of my life."
Two of the reasons I kept taking the tramadol for six years were "fears" and "resentments". Of course, i told my doctor that I needed the trams for "pain", but if the truth were told, I kept taking this drug to fog and numb emotions, fears, and resentments. And I don't think I am all that unique.
Speaking of "drinking", someone once said, "stopping drinking isn't hard, it's the STAYING STOPPED that is difficult. I think that the same can be said about tramadol. And what you are talking about Kev, is what we can do to live soberly, once we have stopped. Once those emotions, fears and resentments, those things we may have used tramadol to numb... come flooding back. We have all talked about the common emotions, like, excessive crying and laughing, as the affect of this RAT POISON works it's way out of our bodies.
I think that you are dead on - things like validation ARE necessary once we get off the trams. Like another person said once, we are never "cured" of this disease/addition. All we CAN hope for is a daily reprive based on our spiritual condition.
So, yes, those first 3-5 days getting of fthis drug can be hellish. But what are we going to do with ourselves after that? Once those fogged over emotions, fears and resentments come bubbling back into our beings, how are we going to live life on life's terms?
Taking this demon drug for myself is NOT an option.
I'd like to hear more how you are using validation Kev. It's deadly serious that we learn to LIVE without this drug. Without it's mind fogging potency.
Someone asked me recently in a pm to explain the biggest advantages of living without this drug. Many of us here have discussed these things in detail, but for myself, (1) having a clear, NONFOGGED mind and (2) no longer being s SLAVE to this terrible drug are at the top of my list.
The first reason (having a clear mind), should be clear to anyone who has walked into a room and forgot why there were there in that room. To anyone who has been tugged out of their fog, by a young one, trying to get our attention through the tram-a-fog. To anyone who just made a left turn, and realized by the honking of horns, that in our zoned out space, we had not looked for traffic. ETC. ETC. ETC.
The NOT "being a slave" thing has been huge. No longer do I go into my doctor's office with my hat in my hands, asking for higher doses of this lousy drug. No longer do I need to "count pills". No longer do I circle "RX day" on my calander. No longer do I live my life around when I can refill my perscription. No longer do vacation plans revolve around when I will have a "full load" of my precious pills. No longer will I "celebrate" the end of every rx cycle with those all too common withdrawal symptoms. No longer do I look under car seats and in my medicine drawer for taht one that got away.
Nope. I don't miss being a slave to those pills.
And we haven't begun to talk about seizures, trips to the E.R. from overdosing, the cost of this drug OR the unknown damage I was causing myself while taking this unnecessary terible drug.
I spent 4-5 days working through the acute withdrawal and other symptoms (especially the lack ofr concentration, irrregular sleep, and stabbing pains in my feet) took longer to work through. Weeks and weeks, huh KC?
But today, I am not working through withdrawing from this lousy drug. I am learning to live life on LIFE'S terms. Resentments and fears mess with the quality of my sobriety if I am not tending to my spiritual condition. Stopping tramadol may be hard, but it's the STAYING STOPPED that will ultimately demand my attention and care.
But it's no big deal. It's just a matter of life or death.
Courage, Strngth and love to you guys,
Fred
One of the things that you said, that I can really relate to is, "The commonest feeling Im getting from myself is resentment. Resenting making the effort, resenting the pain, resenting life for causing me pain. Of course Im going to feel resentment sometimes,after all this pain has to be faced for the rest of my life."
Two of the reasons I kept taking the tramadol for six years were "fears" and "resentments". Of course, i told my doctor that I needed the trams for "pain", but if the truth were told, I kept taking this drug to fog and numb emotions, fears, and resentments. And I don't think I am all that unique.
Speaking of "drinking", someone once said, "stopping drinking isn't hard, it's the STAYING STOPPED that is difficult. I think that the same can be said about tramadol. And what you are talking about Kev, is what we can do to live soberly, once we have stopped. Once those emotions, fears and resentments, those things we may have used tramadol to numb... come flooding back. We have all talked about the common emotions, like, excessive crying and laughing, as the affect of this RAT POISON works it's way out of our bodies.
I think that you are dead on - things like validation ARE necessary once we get off the trams. Like another person said once, we are never "cured" of this disease/addition. All we CAN hope for is a daily reprive based on our spiritual condition.
So, yes, those first 3-5 days getting of fthis drug can be hellish. But what are we going to do with ourselves after that? Once those fogged over emotions, fears and resentments come bubbling back into our beings, how are we going to live life on life's terms?
Taking this demon drug for myself is NOT an option.
I'd like to hear more how you are using validation Kev. It's deadly serious that we learn to LIVE without this drug. Without it's mind fogging potency.
Someone asked me recently in a pm to explain the biggest advantages of living without this drug. Many of us here have discussed these things in detail, but for myself, (1) having a clear, NONFOGGED mind and (2) no longer being s SLAVE to this terrible drug are at the top of my list.
The first reason (having a clear mind), should be clear to anyone who has walked into a room and forgot why there were there in that room. To anyone who has been tugged out of their fog, by a young one, trying to get our attention through the tram-a-fog. To anyone who just made a left turn, and realized by the honking of horns, that in our zoned out space, we had not looked for traffic. ETC. ETC. ETC.
The NOT "being a slave" thing has been huge. No longer do I go into my doctor's office with my hat in my hands, asking for higher doses of this lousy drug. No longer do I need to "count pills". No longer do I circle "RX day" on my calander. No longer do I live my life around when I can refill my perscription. No longer do vacation plans revolve around when I will have a "full load" of my precious pills. No longer will I "celebrate" the end of every rx cycle with those all too common withdrawal symptoms. No longer do I look under car seats and in my medicine drawer for taht one that got away.
Nope. I don't miss being a slave to those pills.
And we haven't begun to talk about seizures, trips to the E.R. from overdosing, the cost of this drug OR the unknown damage I was causing myself while taking this unnecessary terible drug.
I spent 4-5 days working through the acute withdrawal and other symptoms (especially the lack ofr concentration, irrregular sleep, and stabbing pains in my feet) took longer to work through. Weeks and weeks, huh KC?
But today, I am not working through withdrawing from this lousy drug. I am learning to live life on LIFE'S terms. Resentments and fears mess with the quality of my sobriety if I am not tending to my spiritual condition. Stopping tramadol may be hard, but it's the STAYING STOPPED that will ultimately demand my attention and care.
But it's no big deal. It's just a matter of life or death.
Courage, Strngth and love to you guys,
Fred
Ahh Kev! You're the best! Thank you so much for that incredible post! I couldn't have said it better! That made me so so happy! Yes, Validation, Validation & Validation. Wonderul image of a Lighthouse really. I'm not surprised that children are attracted to you when you simply Validate. Just thinking about validating my own emotions brings a big sigh of relief really.
So glad that you understood how circular that idea is! Hooray! It was, many years ago a huge revelation for me. As an addict (drug of choice is food) I know that Validation keeps me sane. The recognition of that is beautiful. So often I tell people this; and I get "Wooden ears." (Love the wooden ears thing Fred)
And I love how you are really embracing the emotions under the emotions. We're such beautifully layered creatures. It's so wonderful to see Kev!And I agree that planting spinach and being in pain isn't so bad. When i think now, of the Doctors who assure me I would need surgery, it makes me shutter. Time heals many wounds. I have pain now, but there's no way I trust that it's "real." I believe my body needs Time without any pills to see where the true pain scale is. Is it hard to not freak out and believe that my Sciatica and my lower back pain has returned? Yes. Esp when it is cold and raining and I'm walking down my stairs like I am 106 years old. Yes, it's hard. But the alternative is to continue to trust untrustworthy Doctors who have insisted I take many pills. I have officially failed a whole lotta drugs.
I've been spending huge amounts my day having flashbacks. Klonopin/Benzo withdrawal does that. Vivid memories, complete with sense of smell. I've been reliving my Father's funeral. Memories of him have been appearing in the most lucid sort of waking dream state. So vivid. So real. Grief piling on top of Grief ... This is the Klonopin at work ...
Two nights ago I did the final cut. On .06mg now, which is 1/8th of a .5 mg pill. Practically nothing, nearly licking pills now! But wow, what a brain can do! I think it's really ironic that only now, on my last cut do I start to see a pattern. In 48 hours after a cut, I get sick. Stomach pain, nausea, spinning, blinding rage, every muscle and every joint locks. Neck and arm pain that rivals any car accident I can recall. Memory loss, crazy thoughts, racing thoughts, insomnia, sweaty or desert like dry skin. Pale, eyes sunken junkie appearance .. and .. I have to live in the Parka.
I remember Fred talking about me being huddled in the Parka. And I was smiling because yes .. I WAS huddled in the parka! Plus I had the inability to write or think. So lets just say that I watched alotta movies. I forced myself to watch comedies!
I see glimmers of myself shining thru the Fog now. There I am! Hooray!
Today I went into the room that is "my" room here. It has a bunch of clutter in it and mainly what struck me? The empty pill containers. I found some Tramadol blister packs all empty ... made me nauseous and angry. LOL! Ok most things make me nauseous and angry lately. The Klonopin is threatening to Boil My Bunny! Klonopin will not be Ignored! :D
I laugh and it's me laughing. I have minutes at a time where I feel "Normal." The last two cuts were brutal. It's big percentage cuts at the end. You can get around it by titration; but I dry cut with a razor blade. All the way down.
I feel emotion beginning to return. I get really happy when something makes me cry! Yay for the emotional release of crying. The emotional blunting that happens during a Benzo taper is intense. I really have to say that it's been like living in someone else's body. See; Depersonalization and Derealization. I was talking to a man I have known for 15 years. He's 80. His wife of 55 years passed away a year ago.
He was talking to me about her memorial service, which just happened. He was telling me stories about her and he began (of course) to cry. I was in pretty deep then. This was a couple of weeks ago. I felt ... nothing. And it was so disturbing! Troubling because normally I would have cried with him and been upset. But the Benzo taper turns one into a strange, sweaty, dizzy, unfeeling and slightly feverish person.
So, I can already see that I'll be coming back! I can see bits of me returning to me. Today in the cluttered room I also found a large collection of Crosses. You see, when I was on Tramadol I became (as many have mentioned) a rampant Consumer. And one thing I decided I needed was Crosses. Necklaces. I didn't want to be without at least one around my neck. Preferably more. So i found all these crosses today and I remember so well that I felt ... almost as if a Demon or Evil Creature needed to be warded off. I was ON TRAMADOL at that time, and I was taking a maximum dose and my pain was getting so much worse. So yeah, Tramadol is a devil. Of sorts. Now of course I see all the natural "remedies" I bought and I have to kind of wonder how much I spent trying to counteract the effects of Tramadol , and it's buddy Klonopin.
I was literally trying to call up God and have a chat ... with my many Signs of the Cross ..
I found things I don't remember buying. Brand new stuff and tons of it, tags on and brand new. Open a bag and find another bag. I had some strange obsession with not throwing away boxes also. SO today I threw away boxes. I feel almost as if I was in a sort of dreaming state. Though Nightmare is more like it. The auditory hallucinations of someone saying my name in a whisper right as I was about to fall asleep. So creepy.
So in the meantime, I have another day to rest tomorrow. It's past 11 PM and I feel as if I suddenly woke up. The mornings are very hard, and then it gets better. By night time (which is when my blood levels of klonopin are lowest) I feel ready to wake up and party down. It's really amusing! I don't sleep alot, but I have dreams thank Goodness! At least I am getting into deep restful REM sleep!
I have a recurring nightmare that I grab the wrong pills and accidentally dose myself with the wrong dose. If all goes well, it is 10 days til I kiss Klonopin, the last of all the pills bye bye!
And the only thing in Benzo withdrawal that has helped is time. Benzos have to be tapered. I have tapered as slowly and carefully as I can. If I had big emotions I'd be overwhelmingly happy and proud. LOL :D As it is, my brain is pretty much waving one single small flag and saying, "Oh good! No more pills!" I guess the wrap party will be small and dignified! Party for one!
Love & Healing,
Emily
((((Fred))) great post!
So glad that you understood how circular that idea is! Hooray! It was, many years ago a huge revelation for me. As an addict (drug of choice is food) I know that Validation keeps me sane. The recognition of that is beautiful. So often I tell people this; and I get "Wooden ears." (Love the wooden ears thing Fred)
And I love how you are really embracing the emotions under the emotions. We're such beautifully layered creatures. It's so wonderful to see Kev!And I agree that planting spinach and being in pain isn't so bad. When i think now, of the Doctors who assure me I would need surgery, it makes me shutter. Time heals many wounds. I have pain now, but there's no way I trust that it's "real." I believe my body needs Time without any pills to see where the true pain scale is. Is it hard to not freak out and believe that my Sciatica and my lower back pain has returned? Yes. Esp when it is cold and raining and I'm walking down my stairs like I am 106 years old. Yes, it's hard. But the alternative is to continue to trust untrustworthy Doctors who have insisted I take many pills. I have officially failed a whole lotta drugs.
I've been spending huge amounts my day having flashbacks. Klonopin/Benzo withdrawal does that. Vivid memories, complete with sense of smell. I've been reliving my Father's funeral. Memories of him have been appearing in the most lucid sort of waking dream state. So vivid. So real. Grief piling on top of Grief ... This is the Klonopin at work ...
Two nights ago I did the final cut. On .06mg now, which is 1/8th of a .5 mg pill. Practically nothing, nearly licking pills now! But wow, what a brain can do! I think it's really ironic that only now, on my last cut do I start to see a pattern. In 48 hours after a cut, I get sick. Stomach pain, nausea, spinning, blinding rage, every muscle and every joint locks. Neck and arm pain that rivals any car accident I can recall. Memory loss, crazy thoughts, racing thoughts, insomnia, sweaty or desert like dry skin. Pale, eyes sunken junkie appearance .. and .. I have to live in the Parka.
I remember Fred talking about me being huddled in the Parka. And I was smiling because yes .. I WAS huddled in the parka! Plus I had the inability to write or think. So lets just say that I watched alotta movies. I forced myself to watch comedies!
I see glimmers of myself shining thru the Fog now. There I am! Hooray!
Today I went into the room that is "my" room here. It has a bunch of clutter in it and mainly what struck me? The empty pill containers. I found some Tramadol blister packs all empty ... made me nauseous and angry. LOL! Ok most things make me nauseous and angry lately. The Klonopin is threatening to Boil My Bunny! Klonopin will not be Ignored! :D
I laugh and it's me laughing. I have minutes at a time where I feel "Normal." The last two cuts were brutal. It's big percentage cuts at the end. You can get around it by titration; but I dry cut with a razor blade. All the way down.
I feel emotion beginning to return. I get really happy when something makes me cry! Yay for the emotional release of crying. The emotional blunting that happens during a Benzo taper is intense. I really have to say that it's been like living in someone else's body. See; Depersonalization and Derealization. I was talking to a man I have known for 15 years. He's 80. His wife of 55 years passed away a year ago.
He was talking to me about her memorial service, which just happened. He was telling me stories about her and he began (of course) to cry. I was in pretty deep then. This was a couple of weeks ago. I felt ... nothing. And it was so disturbing! Troubling because normally I would have cried with him and been upset. But the Benzo taper turns one into a strange, sweaty, dizzy, unfeeling and slightly feverish person.
So, I can already see that I'll be coming back! I can see bits of me returning to me. Today in the cluttered room I also found a large collection of Crosses. You see, when I was on Tramadol I became (as many have mentioned) a rampant Consumer. And one thing I decided I needed was Crosses. Necklaces. I didn't want to be without at least one around my neck. Preferably more. So i found all these crosses today and I remember so well that I felt ... almost as if a Demon or Evil Creature needed to be warded off. I was ON TRAMADOL at that time, and I was taking a maximum dose and my pain was getting so much worse. So yeah, Tramadol is a devil. Of sorts. Now of course I see all the natural "remedies" I bought and I have to kind of wonder how much I spent trying to counteract the effects of Tramadol , and it's buddy Klonopin.
I was literally trying to call up God and have a chat ... with my many Signs of the Cross ..
I found things I don't remember buying. Brand new stuff and tons of it, tags on and brand new. Open a bag and find another bag. I had some strange obsession with not throwing away boxes also. SO today I threw away boxes. I feel almost as if I was in a sort of dreaming state. Though Nightmare is more like it. The auditory hallucinations of someone saying my name in a whisper right as I was about to fall asleep. So creepy.
So in the meantime, I have another day to rest tomorrow. It's past 11 PM and I feel as if I suddenly woke up. The mornings are very hard, and then it gets better. By night time (which is when my blood levels of klonopin are lowest) I feel ready to wake up and party down. It's really amusing! I don't sleep alot, but I have dreams thank Goodness! At least I am getting into deep restful REM sleep!
I have a recurring nightmare that I grab the wrong pills and accidentally dose myself with the wrong dose. If all goes well, it is 10 days til I kiss Klonopin, the last of all the pills bye bye!
And the only thing in Benzo withdrawal that has helped is time. Benzos have to be tapered. I have tapered as slowly and carefully as I can. If I had big emotions I'd be overwhelmingly happy and proud. LOL :D As it is, my brain is pretty much waving one single small flag and saying, "Oh good! No more pills!" I guess the wrap party will be small and dignified! Party for one!
Love & Healing,
Emily
((((Fred))) great post!
Wow.. this incredible dialog is what I get to come back too? I am blessed. Kev, you gave me a "whoa, dude!!" moment. I need to learn how to do that. I have been through a lot in my life and when I found Tram I thought I hit the jack pot on feeling better. When as we know all it did was cover stuff up never to be dealt with again. Not to mention all the negative things it started to bring as tolerance was reached. I need to learn how to validate all this stuff that is coming back to "haunt" me. I am with Fred, can you explain in a little detail how you do this?
Today is day 12 and I haven't had any symptoms today. And we will just leave it at that :)
Today is day 12 and I haven't had any symptoms today. And we will just leave it at that :)
P.S. I am sorry I don't have long insightful things to contribute to the wonderful dialog - I don't understand this "disease" very well. Totally new to it...
Hello all,
I am now on Day 11 Tram free and I cannot believe how much different (better) I feel. I have more energy, I'm more focused, still a bit sleep deprived but I'm hoping my regular sleep rhythms will return eventually. I was sleeping 10+ hours on the Tram and sometimes taking a nap too!!! So I shouldn't complain about 6 hours I guess. I wish I could cash in on all of the sleep I stored up taking the Tramadol.
I just returned from my first Post-Tram trip. I went back to the Midwest (Omaha) to visit my Dad for a long weekend. I thought it would really bother me because a "vacation" was a great excuse to take even more of the "happy" pills and my pain was also worse due to hauling a backpack around etc. Anyway, other than having difficulty sleeping, I really didn't think much about the Tramadol.
I am trying to eat a lot healthier as I tend to be a sugar freak and also am exercising. My body/mind seem to be thanking me for this and responding well. I noticed that during the last couple of months on Tram my coloring seemed a bit yellow (probably because of the toxins in the liver) and I now have a much more healthy look and my skin even feels better.
Glad everyone seems to be pushing through the pain and ridding themselves of this awful substance. Congrats to all!
I am now on Day 11 Tram free and I cannot believe how much different (better) I feel. I have more energy, I'm more focused, still a bit sleep deprived but I'm hoping my regular sleep rhythms will return eventually. I was sleeping 10+ hours on the Tram and sometimes taking a nap too!!! So I shouldn't complain about 6 hours I guess. I wish I could cash in on all of the sleep I stored up taking the Tramadol.
I just returned from my first Post-Tram trip. I went back to the Midwest (Omaha) to visit my Dad for a long weekend. I thought it would really bother me because a "vacation" was a great excuse to take even more of the "happy" pills and my pain was also worse due to hauling a backpack around etc. Anyway, other than having difficulty sleeping, I really didn't think much about the Tramadol.
I am trying to eat a lot healthier as I tend to be a sugar freak and also am exercising. My body/mind seem to be thanking me for this and responding well. I noticed that during the last couple of months on Tram my coloring seemed a bit yellow (probably because of the toxins in the liver) and I now have a much more healthy look and my skin even feels better.
Glad everyone seems to be pushing through the pain and ridding themselves of this awful substance. Congrats to all!
I agree that the above posts are “incredible” (as Noodle said) and “beautiful” (as Fred said) .
Kev, you are so right when you said, “When I first came to the site it was soon obvious that people got weller here, often very quickly. But I couldnt see exactly why. Now I can.”
Kev, I too have seen this over and over with people who have come.. and gone…and stayed. I am thankful for all of their candidness, have benefitted from their honest stories, and have celebrated as most “got weller here” .
When one feels safe and validated in a place where honesty and openness are encouraged – the healing can begin.
I was watching Oprah today and they had 2 women who started a blog about their feelings on a certain topic. I couldn’t help but think of Emily and this incredible forum she started. These 2 women began a blog where they were completely open and honest about the way they felt.
And guess what???? People responded. They NEEDED to be validated that what they were feeling was REAL and worthy of acknowledgment. That they weren’t “alone” in feeling the way they were feeling.
That is exactly what we have here – thanks to Emily.
A place where we can come and be open and forthright about our reasons for taking Tramadol (or any other substance for that matter) and the way it changed our feelings about ourselves, our perspective on life, and the physical toll it took on our bodies. This is a non-judgmental place we can come to for healing.
Not only would I NOT be able to say that I am 57 days Tram-free if NOT for this website, but Emily gave me the courage to kick my benzo addiction as well. As far as I’m concerned, I think she should be the next featured guest on Oprah.
Validation….I need to ponder this more. Kev, I too (along with Noodle and Fred) would appreciate more info. as to HOW your thought process works when the negative, frustrating, resentful feelings arise. HOW do you (exactly) combat these feelings with validation? I realize that I have these feelings and want to know your secret to conquering their negative impact???
Emily, once again I am relieved to know that I am not alone in my benzo withdrawal feelings of sweaty/dessert dry and then chills – in addition to irritation, anger, and derealisation. I have 4 more cuts to make before I am in the same boat as you. You give me great hope that I will eventually return to normal.
I desperately want to feel again – to dream again (as in “REM” sleep) – and to NOT rely on drugs to keep me from getting there. “Bits of me returning to me” as you said. Perfectly said.
Blessings to all of you with hope and love,
kc
Kev, you are so right when you said, “When I first came to the site it was soon obvious that people got weller here, often very quickly. But I couldnt see exactly why. Now I can.”
Kev, I too have seen this over and over with people who have come.. and gone…and stayed. I am thankful for all of their candidness, have benefitted from their honest stories, and have celebrated as most “got weller here” .
When one feels safe and validated in a place where honesty and openness are encouraged – the healing can begin.
I was watching Oprah today and they had 2 women who started a blog about their feelings on a certain topic. I couldn’t help but think of Emily and this incredible forum she started. These 2 women began a blog where they were completely open and honest about the way they felt.
And guess what???? People responded. They NEEDED to be validated that what they were feeling was REAL and worthy of acknowledgment. That they weren’t “alone” in feeling the way they were feeling.
That is exactly what we have here – thanks to Emily.
A place where we can come and be open and forthright about our reasons for taking Tramadol (or any other substance for that matter) and the way it changed our feelings about ourselves, our perspective on life, and the physical toll it took on our bodies. This is a non-judgmental place we can come to for healing.
Not only would I NOT be able to say that I am 57 days Tram-free if NOT for this website, but Emily gave me the courage to kick my benzo addiction as well. As far as I’m concerned, I think she should be the next featured guest on Oprah.
Validation….I need to ponder this more. Kev, I too (along with Noodle and Fred) would appreciate more info. as to HOW your thought process works when the negative, frustrating, resentful feelings arise. HOW do you (exactly) combat these feelings with validation? I realize that I have these feelings and want to know your secret to conquering their negative impact???
Emily, once again I am relieved to know that I am not alone in my benzo withdrawal feelings of sweaty/dessert dry and then chills – in addition to irritation, anger, and derealisation. I have 4 more cuts to make before I am in the same boat as you. You give me great hope that I will eventually return to normal.
I desperately want to feel again – to dream again (as in “REM” sleep) – and to NOT rely on drugs to keep me from getting there. “Bits of me returning to me” as you said. Perfectly said.
Blessings to all of you with hope and love,
kc
RANDY Q. FROM NC.
I HAVE BEEN ON TRAMADOL OR ULTRAM FOR 5 YEARES ,AND I MUST SAY WITHDRAWS FROM THIS DRUG ARE WORSE THAN MORPHINE OR OCYCONTTIN / I WANT TO THINK I AM A FOOL I WANT TO GET OFF OF THESE DEVIL PILLS FOR GOOD I GO TO A PAIN CLINIC FOR A INJURY / I HAVE WENT THRU WITHDRAWS AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH FOR 2 YEARS ,BECAUSE I COULD NEVER MAKE /OR TAKE THEM LIKE I WAS SUPPOSE TO I TOOK 8 A DAY AND THEN 10 OR MORE AND MY SCRIPT WAS FOR 8 A DAY 1-2 TABS EVREY 4 HOURS
SO ABOUT FOUR MONTH AGO A PAIN DOCTER PUT ME ON[ ULTRAM 3OOMG ER] EXTENDED RELEASE...NOW I CAN "TNOT WIENG MYSELF OFF THESE DEVIL PILLS SLOWLY I AND I AM WANT TO STOP AND AM VERY SCARED !
LIKE I SAID EARLY I WAS ON OXY 20 MG FOR A WHILE AND THEN MORFINE PATCHES AND UTRAM WITHDRAWS ARE FAR WORSE FOR ME IT IT LIKE DIYING SLOWLY .THE JERKY LEGS AND ARMS ARE UNSTOPABLE MY LEGS AND ARMS WILL JUST FLY UP IN THE AIR WITH NO CONTROL AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS CRY IT IS TROCHER AND I MEAN TO THE 10TH POWER !!MY PAIN DOC SAYS THERE IS NO WITHDRAWS FROM ULTRAM IT IS ALL IN MY HEAD .
LAST TIME I RAN OUT THREE DAYS EARLY I FOUND MYSELF OUTSIDE AT 3;OO AM RUNNING AROUN MY HOUSE TRYING TO MAKE THE AWFULL FEELING AND JERKS STOP .
I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND I CAN LIVE WITH MY PAIN, BUT I CAN T LIVE WITH THE THOUGHT OF A LITTLE PILL I WAS TOLD WOULD NOT HURT ME RULEING ME IF YOU HAVE NOT HAD WITHDRAWS FROM ULTRAM THAN HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE !BUT HERE I HAVE FOUND PEOPLE FROM EVERY WALK OF LIFE AND CAN SEE I AM NOT ALONE I WILL BE OUT IN 2 DAYS AND I HAVE REFILLS BUT I REFUSE TO GET THEM I WANT THE DEVIL PILLS OUT OF MY LIFE BUT I SCARED TO DEATH OF WHAT I KNOW IS COMING WITHDRAWS FOR ME ARE THE WORST THING YOU COULD THINK OFPOSSIABLE I NEED ALL THE HELP AND INPUT I CAN GET FOR THIS BATTLE LAST TIME I HAD TO COME OFF THEM COLD TURKEY WAS 2 YEARS AGO BECAUSE MY DOC WAS OUT OF TOWN /AND I WENT TO HOSIPITAL ER AND THEY PRETTY MUCH LAUGHED AT ME AND SAID IT ALL IN YOUR HEAD !!
I FREAKED OUT ON THEM I NEED HELP AND THERE WAS NONE THERE!
SO PLEAS ANT HELP ON THINGS TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS WILL BE SO HELPFULL AND THE NAMES OF WHAT I CAN BUY AND WHAT IT WILL HELP
OH YAH AND LOT OF PRAYERS
MY FATHER IS 70 YEARS OLD AND HE TO TO IS ON ULTRAM AND SAIN HE COULD STOP AT ANY TIME ,HE FOUND OUT ,I SEEN HIM CRY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN HE WAS ON HIS SECOND DAY OF TAKING THEM AND I ASK WHAT WAS WRONG AND HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID I DONT KNOW IA M SO DPERESSED AND DONT KNOW WHY I THINK I AM LOSEING MY MIND AND FOR NO REASON .I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID DAD IT IS ULTRAM WITHDARWS AND HE SAID WE WILL SE HE TOOK A 2 PILL DOSE AND A COUPLE OF HOURS HE SAID IT WAS ALL GONE THE DEPRESSION TWICHYNESS ,AND THEN HE WENT ON TO TELL ME HE COULD"NT SLEPP THE NIGHT BEFORE BECAUSE HIS LEGS FELT LIKE HE WAS RIDING A BYCLE / THIS BROKE THE ICE AND I STARTED TO TELL HIM THE HORRA STORIES ABOUT ULTRAM SO IN 2 DAYS /HE AND I WILL STAT THIS DETOX TOGETHER I HAVE TOLD HIM TO PREPARE FOR A LONG HARD BATTLE !! SO PLEASE HELP ME I AM 43 AND HE IS 70 WITH ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GIVE !FOR ANY OVER THE COUNTER HELP WE CAN GET !!
WE WILL HEN THIS WAR ON THE DEVIL PILLS MY FATHER IS SO MAD AT HIS DOCTOR FOR GIVING HIM THIS AND TELLING HIM IT WAS NOT ADDICTIVE !! I TOLD HIM TO JOIN THE CULB THAT WE ARE 2 OF GOD KNOWS HOW MANY HAVE FOUND OUT THE HARD WAT ABOUT ULTRAM
BUT LIKE I SAID WE WILL WINTHIS WAR ON THE DEVIL PILL !
BUT I AM VERY SCARED OF WHAT IS COMING I HAVE NOT TOLD HIM HOW BAD IT IS GOING TO BE PLEASE HELP AND PRAY FOR US !!!!
THANKS FOR HEREING MY WORDS
RANDY Q
I HAVE BEEN ON TRAMADOL OR ULTRAM FOR 5 YEARES ,AND I MUST SAY WITHDRAWS FROM THIS DRUG ARE WORSE THAN MORPHINE OR OCYCONTTIN / I WANT TO THINK I AM A FOOL I WANT TO GET OFF OF THESE DEVIL PILLS FOR GOOD I GO TO A PAIN CLINIC FOR A INJURY / I HAVE WENT THRU WITHDRAWS AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH FOR 2 YEARS ,BECAUSE I COULD NEVER MAKE /OR TAKE THEM LIKE I WAS SUPPOSE TO I TOOK 8 A DAY AND THEN 10 OR MORE AND MY SCRIPT WAS FOR 8 A DAY 1-2 TABS EVREY 4 HOURS
SO ABOUT FOUR MONTH AGO A PAIN DOCTER PUT ME ON[ ULTRAM 3OOMG ER] EXTENDED RELEASE...NOW I CAN "TNOT WIENG MYSELF OFF THESE DEVIL PILLS SLOWLY I AND I AM WANT TO STOP AND AM VERY SCARED !
LIKE I SAID EARLY I WAS ON OXY 20 MG FOR A WHILE AND THEN MORFINE PATCHES AND UTRAM WITHDRAWS ARE FAR WORSE FOR ME IT IT LIKE DIYING SLOWLY .THE JERKY LEGS AND ARMS ARE UNSTOPABLE MY LEGS AND ARMS WILL JUST FLY UP IN THE AIR WITH NO CONTROL AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS CRY IT IS TROCHER AND I MEAN TO THE 10TH POWER !!MY PAIN DOC SAYS THERE IS NO WITHDRAWS FROM ULTRAM IT IS ALL IN MY HEAD .
LAST TIME I RAN OUT THREE DAYS EARLY I FOUND MYSELF OUTSIDE AT 3;OO AM RUNNING AROUN MY HOUSE TRYING TO MAKE THE AWFULL FEELING AND JERKS STOP .
I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND I CAN LIVE WITH MY PAIN, BUT I CAN T LIVE WITH THE THOUGHT OF A LITTLE PILL I WAS TOLD WOULD NOT HURT ME RULEING ME IF YOU HAVE NOT HAD WITHDRAWS FROM ULTRAM THAN HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE !BUT HERE I HAVE FOUND PEOPLE FROM EVERY WALK OF LIFE AND CAN SEE I AM NOT ALONE I WILL BE OUT IN 2 DAYS AND I HAVE REFILLS BUT I REFUSE TO GET THEM I WANT THE DEVIL PILLS OUT OF MY LIFE BUT I SCARED TO DEATH OF WHAT I KNOW IS COMING WITHDRAWS FOR ME ARE THE WORST THING YOU COULD THINK OFPOSSIABLE I NEED ALL THE HELP AND INPUT I CAN GET FOR THIS BATTLE LAST TIME I HAD TO COME OFF THEM COLD TURKEY WAS 2 YEARS AGO BECAUSE MY DOC WAS OUT OF TOWN /AND I WENT TO HOSIPITAL ER AND THEY PRETTY MUCH LAUGHED AT ME AND SAID IT ALL IN YOUR HEAD !!
I FREAKED OUT ON THEM I NEED HELP AND THERE WAS NONE THERE!
SO PLEAS ANT HELP ON THINGS TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS WILL BE SO HELPFULL AND THE NAMES OF WHAT I CAN BUY AND WHAT IT WILL HELP
OH YAH AND LOT OF PRAYERS
MY FATHER IS 70 YEARS OLD AND HE TO TO IS ON ULTRAM AND SAIN HE COULD STOP AT ANY TIME ,HE FOUND OUT ,I SEEN HIM CRY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN HE WAS ON HIS SECOND DAY OF TAKING THEM AND I ASK WHAT WAS WRONG AND HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID I DONT KNOW IA M SO DPERESSED AND DONT KNOW WHY I THINK I AM LOSEING MY MIND AND FOR NO REASON .I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID DAD IT IS ULTRAM WITHDARWS AND HE SAID WE WILL SE HE TOOK A 2 PILL DOSE AND A COUPLE OF HOURS HE SAID IT WAS ALL GONE THE DEPRESSION TWICHYNESS ,AND THEN HE WENT ON TO TELL ME HE COULD"NT SLEPP THE NIGHT BEFORE BECAUSE HIS LEGS FELT LIKE HE WAS RIDING A BYCLE / THIS BROKE THE ICE AND I STARTED TO TELL HIM THE HORRA STORIES ABOUT ULTRAM SO IN 2 DAYS /HE AND I WILL STAT THIS DETOX TOGETHER I HAVE TOLD HIM TO PREPARE FOR A LONG HARD BATTLE !! SO PLEASE HELP ME I AM 43 AND HE IS 70 WITH ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GIVE !FOR ANY OVER THE COUNTER HELP WE CAN GET !!
WE WILL HEN THIS WAR ON THE DEVIL PILLS MY FATHER IS SO MAD AT HIS DOCTOR FOR GIVING HIM THIS AND TELLING HIM IT WAS NOT ADDICTIVE !! I TOLD HIM TO JOIN THE CULB THAT WE ARE 2 OF GOD KNOWS HOW MANY HAVE FOUND OUT THE HARD WAT ABOUT ULTRAM
BUT LIKE I SAID WE WILL WINTHIS WAR ON THE DEVIL PILL !
BUT I AM VERY SCARED OF WHAT IS COMING I HAVE NOT TOLD HIM HOW BAD IT IS GOING TO BE PLEASE HELP AND PRAY FOR US !!!!
THANKS FOR HEREING MY WORDS
RANDY Q
Hi Everyone, thanks for all the positive responses to my last post. I will do my best to explain in detail how validation takes place. Its so simple its easy to miss it.
But first let me say hi to some folks......
Fred-Yes, it was the pink cloud fog of numbness that whispered in my ear " mmmmm......I could get used to this" And yes youre right, we're in very good company as Noodle has already confirmed. I dont buy into the 'incurable' idea. Its so disempowering, it invalidates all hope. As Emily says, can we fully believe in our pain, and wether
or not we are curable? Whose word are we to take for this? The same 'authorities' that validate Tramadol and promise us its harmless? A lot of folks have a lot of $$ invested in us not getting well. Question everything!!!!!!
Fred I would never invalidate your strategies for dealing with your addiction,or anybody elses. But I think you are invalidating your hope by ASSUMING you will always feel weak against these things.Its the desire to numb our feelings that we 'relapse' into. But what if we find another way to process these feelings?We dont know the future. You taught me the dialogue for hope and forgiveness Fred and I had no hope that that would ever happen yet it did. Before coming here I had no idea that my own inner strength would prove better than Tramadol/meds in helping my pain, but it is. I felt weak against depression, a biggie for me. The only time I need to be on guard now is if something REALLY bad happens.My true demon is nihilism,feeling its all pointless and worth no effort-this triggers depression in me.
Addiction is powerful and we dont choose our addictions, they choose us it seems and this is why the hooks go deep. Fear of relapse is very real and for good reason.
BUT, by knowing our emotional triggers,identifying them when they occur and validating them correctly we can be much better protected and we can live lives where we are not 'on guard' constantly. I'll get to the meat soon Fred, bear with me.....
Noodle, Im with you on the whoa moment. The last two weeks have been one big whoa moment for me!! Theres nothing like anxiety overload to make us crave numbness.
Anxiety was the very worst w/d symptom for me. And youve made it to day 12!! The anxiety didnt defeat you!! we are stronger than we think. we have been taught to believe ourselves weak. Tramadol and anxiety have failed to overcome your quiet determination.You are proving the 'experts' wrong. All of us here are proving the 'experts' wrong.
Remember 'Piglet' from 'Winnie the Pooh' ? Piglet is easily frightened because he is SO aware of how small he is.Everyone is bigger than him. But even when Piglet is very frightened he still takes on a scary task. He feels the fear but does it anyway!!! We can all relate to Piglet right????? And we might do well to copy him!!
BJB-so glad to hear youre feeling better. good food and exercise are so effective...its like our body knows we're loving ourselves!! I loved my sugary snacks but now they taste wrong. something has definitely happened to my taste buds...re-tuning? I thought that changing my diet would be a real struggle but it happened by itself!!!
I dont care much why/how this happened, I only hope it stays this way! Hopefully you will continue to feel better and Im so glad youve shown that we can be effective inour own healing. We need all the evidence we can get!!
KC- Thanks a million for your observations.....you gave me exactly what I was hoping for; Real life examples!!! I hear youre doing benzo w/d and my heart goes out to you.And like Emily you still shine through...time for others in your own hour of need. Thats why I love everybody here. Taking time to hear and respond to the pain of others in our own hour of need must be one of the most deeply loving things possible. Everyone here is truly deeply loving. How can we NOT get well!!!!
You ask how we 'conquer/combat our feelings; interesting choice of words. This gives me a good intro...to combat our feelings is to INVALIDATE them. They CANNOT be'conquered'. They are not enemies. They are friends. We wont always like what they tell us, so we know they are true friends!!! We cant make them go away either.(bit like relatives too, lol). All friendships have to be 'serviced' at least occasionally if they are to be satisfying. So lets make friends with ourselves!! If we cant even service ourown feelings what quality of friendship can we offer to others?
UNSERVICED FEELINGS REMAIN A DISTRACTION. How well do we hear others when we are distracted?? Remember Tram fog?? See a similarity???
Unresolved feelings can cause fog. Heres an example; I was planting peas the other day and found myself thinking about someone I was angry at. Like its not bad enough this guy owes me so much money, NOW Im bringing him to the allotment!!!! YOWSER!!!! WHOA!!!!!! I was having quite a dialog too!! If that isnt the sound of onehand clapping it must be the sound of two fools arguing!!!!
So at that point I deceided to have a cuppa in the greenhouse and identify my feelings.
These are the steps I took, my exact inner dialogue:
STEP 1 identifying feelings.
I said to myself, "what am I feeling right now?" "Is it just anger?" "Is there something else?" "Am Isad,resentful,anxious?"
This routine usually prompts emotional recall though it is not always immediate. But this time it was anger alone.
STEP 2 Why am I feeling this way?
I Itemise my known anger issues and validate them one at a time
Item 1 Im angry because a guy owes me money.
Validation- " Of course I'm angry, that money would be SO useful right now and he's taking FOREVER!"
Check- has the feeling subsided?
If not, what else am I angry about?
Item 2 my landlord wont fix the window.
Validation-"Of course Im angry, its costing me a fortune and its been months now..."
Check-has the feeling subsided?
If we are 'behind on our feelings' it may take time to catch up.
More examples...
I was feeling low, it crept up on me and suddenly there I was: Shoulders slightly slumped and suddenly a sigh on mylips.
Same routine again:
1 identify...." am i sad, depressed, weary,lonely?"...so many to choose from in this group of feelings.
Then I remembered...The allotment committee newsletter was still unread in the shed.....I was feeling dread!!!!!!!
I was dreading what pranks these folks would be announcing this month!!!
2 not needed this time as I know what its about, im not dreading anything else right now.
3 Validation " Of course I feel dread, who knows what those scary fools will try next(imagines machine guns,razor wire)?"
My dread then subsided.
Validation versus invalidation:
Fred- Of course you fear relapse, addiction nearly claimed you and it was too tough a fight to want a rematch. Does that validate your urge to be vigilant?
Fred-You shouldnt fear relapse, you beat it once you can easily do it again. Does that INvalidate your vigilance...you bet it does and much worse besides!
Fred- I hear and accept your fear. I have my own fears of course..My true feelings validate yours as yours validate mine. We have shared our humanity.
DETAILED EXAMPLE:
" Of course"(validates reality)" I feel envy",(validates feeling)" Ive always wanted a porsche myself".(validates target/object of feeling. Validates reason.)
" Its only natural"(validates reality)" that Im feeling frustrated"(validates feeling) "Ive been tring to get online for 4 days" (object of feeling/reason)
Resentment can be a toughie. Lets be honest...there is so much we can justifiably resent in life.
I can resent my pain, the wind,fog,mother,slugs,committees,the government,my doctor. I could be a hive of resentment if I choose. And my resentment is valid.
But now lets shift the dialog by just one word........." Of course I COULD feel resentment, those slugs have had ALL my peas!!!! "
So NOW Im validating my RIGHT to feel resentful, but WITHOUT accepting that I MUST feel resentful. I could let it spoil my day....its all optional, we canre-programme our selves and our feelings.
Another option creator...." of course(reality) I feel like Ive had enough(feeling),the pain is insistent today(object).Im not sure its worth it(the right to quit) But do I REALLY want to go home now(Validate my options)" This is how I learned to enjoy planting spinach with back pain.
Success varies with each feeling according to personality I think. Sometimes I can laugh off a feeling thats old,familiar. HELLO intellectual vanity!! Some feelings are reduced to old acquaintances I wave to across the street while others can still 'shell' me.
But its the overall effect of positive self-validation that works. We might only progress slowly at first and find some feelings difficult but the relaxed sense of being is tangible just the same.
Emily- You say " I want to find out for myself how much of my pain is real. I need time without meds." YES: question EVERYTHING. That is such a good question.
If Benzo w/d is depersonalizing and derealizng it has a lot in common with invalidation as does Tramadol. Lets REpersonalize and RE-realize,YES,that would be time SO well spent. Ive had a few 'parties for one' myself, I know you dont seek credit. But just the same I'll raise my glass and say BRAVO, you are a true exemplar.
For just this one moment of time can it be a party for two....three.....you do live in a mansion right? 17 guest bedrooms? OK we're on our way...........
Hi Bassman, if you havent done so already, add this site to favourites as it can be hard to find again on some search engines. Welcome to Tramadol refugee land!! Theres nothing to stoke my anger like yet another tale of useless,lying doctors. Its been the same for many of us here. The anger is useful though, it can ward off fear and depression and it can help us thru w/d. It sounds like youve already seen much of the worst of Tram w/d the last few days, it shouldnt get too much worse from here but watch out for anxiety attacks and 'Tram thoughts', dark stuff usually.Hang tough and read everything here and post as often as you want!
All the best. Kev.
All the best. Kev.
Randy, Welcome to this place. I know a person feels a little out of sorts the first time they reach here, and I am sure that it took a lot of courage for you to post your story. Thank you for your honest and detailed story Randy.
I am so sorry that the doctors put you AND your dad on the terrible tramadol. RAT POISON. And how dreadful it must have been when, after withdrawing for two days, the E.R. refused to help you. Some day the medical community will understand the physical withdrawal involved in stopping this drug. But for me and for you, sadly, we are left to do this on our own...and with the help of the people in this community. But you came to a good place. We all got here just as frustrated, angry and scared as you are now. But there is hope.
Don't discard the anger that you felt at being left at the E.R. without any understanding or help for this very real problem. I found that anger was helpful in the withdrawal process. Channel the anger you feel at the drug, your doctors, the drug manufacturers and everyone who didn't understand how dreadful the physical withdrawal symptoms are.
A word of caution to you about your dad. Are you certain that your dad is prepared to get off this stuff? I would definately make sure he knows what the withdrawals are like and what's in store for him. It's wonderful if he too wants to stop taking this drug, but I wouldn't be dragging him at his age (70).
Each person who has successfully gotten off this drug has done so with nothing less than an all out war mentality. Is this something your dad is up for? If he understands what he is in for and is committed to doing this, so much the better. Having a buddy would be helpful but only if he is as committed to doing this as you are.
Long hard battle? Not so long really in the grand scheme of things. Many of us wee 1/2 way to the miracle when we would run out of pills - and we didn't even know how close were had come. Hard, yes at least it seemed do for me. You said that you have gone through 2 days or more of withdrawing in the past. It should take roughly 4-5 days to get through the worst of it.
You wanted suggestions so these are my 2 cents worth:
Google "Thomas Recipe". I found that immodium helped with the "upset stomach", etc.
I recall that the "recipe" recommends taking valium or another benzo, but from what Emily and KC have shared about withdrawing from THESE drugs, I'd be careful about taking any of those myself.
I found that quinine helped with the restless legs, aka sharp stabbing burning pains in your feet and elsewhere. Quinine can be found in tonic water w/ quinine and there is a product in health food sections of most stores called, Hylands Restful Legs, that contains quinine as well. In my opinion, take a great deal more of the Hylands than is recommended on the label. My doctor presribed gabapentin, which seemed to help with the stabbing pains in my feet.
To help you TRY to sleep, pick up tylenol P.M. or bennadryl. You could see a doctor and tell him what you are about to do and get him to prescribe something to sleep. But it doesn't sound like your good doc even believes that tramadol causes withdrawal symptoms. It's a thought though. I went through this withdrawal without any prescribed sleep meds. And I didn't sleep much the first 4 nights either. Most people don't sleep much in early withdrawal. It won't last forever though it may feel like it will.
I took a week off from work and I wouldn't have wanted to try and work that first week due to the lack of sleep I was getting. So hopefully, you have a clear shot without many responsibilities. But some here HAVE worked through withdrawal. (Noodle girl, for example) Put off balancing your checkbook tha tweek too. Not that you'd feel like doing that anyway...
And pick up some epsome salts to use to take baths. I found that BATHS were helpful during those first 4-5 nights when sleep was so illusive. I still didn't sleep much, but soaking in the tub felt good anyway. I can't refall taking a bath now for 3 months. Neve wa a big bath guy. But at a time like this, prepare to splash into the old tub Randy. Incidentally, i recall tha i took up to 6-7 BATHS in one night, so make sure you have plenty of dry towells on hand.
It's funny what a little humor can do at a time like this. I still remember Emily threatening to rent a plane and tow a sign all over Los Angeles saying, "Fred takes BATHS". Find some humor in your situation Randy if you can. Laughing is another distraction. Distractions of any kind can help during this time.
Take hope in knowing that others have done this thing Randy. As much as possible, try not to look past the moment that you are in. If you haven't already done so, click on Emily's picture, scroll down on her "profile page" on the left, and read all of her personal journal entires. Post often and tell us how you aare doing.
And when you get two days into this thing and are tempted to go back...think about the time you have invested at that point. Because by that point, you will be half way through the acute withdrawal. The hellish flu like sympoms and stabbing pains won't last forever Randy.
Two final words to remember; HOPE & WAR.
When I found my way to this place, I didn't know people could actually stop taking this drug and survive it. Like you, I had experienced a couple of days of withdrawal several times as I ran out of pills. And I felt the withdrawal experience even when I was left to stretch those precious few pills until my next RX refill. This won't be any easier and no worse than thos times Randy. You just have to push through the experience and know that this too shall pass.
I think that it is important for someone like you to have HOPE. To believe that a power greater than YOU can get you through this. When I found this forum, I saw that others had done what I was about to do, and that became my hope...my higher power.
WAR: You seem to have already taken on the mindset of doing battle with this drug. I believe that when you read Emily's early journal entries (clicking on her picture, etc.) you will find a post included by someone named Cadillac Jack. He showed me that I need to prepare mentally for this battle, much the same as a soldier must prepare for battle. I was never in the military, but I got the picture. Any amount of determination less than a declaration of all out WAR will be insufficient to defeat this evil drug.
Doing this now won't be any harder than next year at this time. Time on the drug only tends to make withrawal more difficult. So congratuatlions on determining to STOP now.
Others will come along and add their insights and help. Once you defeat this monster, you too may feel a debt of graditude
that you may want to repay to others coming along behind you. Everyone is different. Some will swear by this thing or that. But ultimately, it's you and the drug. I'm betting on YOU Randy.
Courage and Strength,
Fred
I am so sorry that the doctors put you AND your dad on the terrible tramadol. RAT POISON. And how dreadful it must have been when, after withdrawing for two days, the E.R. refused to help you. Some day the medical community will understand the physical withdrawal involved in stopping this drug. But for me and for you, sadly, we are left to do this on our own...and with the help of the people in this community. But you came to a good place. We all got here just as frustrated, angry and scared as you are now. But there is hope.
Don't discard the anger that you felt at being left at the E.R. without any understanding or help for this very real problem. I found that anger was helpful in the withdrawal process. Channel the anger you feel at the drug, your doctors, the drug manufacturers and everyone who didn't understand how dreadful the physical withdrawal symptoms are.
A word of caution to you about your dad. Are you certain that your dad is prepared to get off this stuff? I would definately make sure he knows what the withdrawals are like and what's in store for him. It's wonderful if he too wants to stop taking this drug, but I wouldn't be dragging him at his age (70).
Each person who has successfully gotten off this drug has done so with nothing less than an all out war mentality. Is this something your dad is up for? If he understands what he is in for and is committed to doing this, so much the better. Having a buddy would be helpful but only if he is as committed to doing this as you are.
Long hard battle? Not so long really in the grand scheme of things. Many of us wee 1/2 way to the miracle when we would run out of pills - and we didn't even know how close were had come. Hard, yes at least it seemed do for me. You said that you have gone through 2 days or more of withdrawing in the past. It should take roughly 4-5 days to get through the worst of it.
You wanted suggestions so these are my 2 cents worth:
Google "Thomas Recipe". I found that immodium helped with the "upset stomach", etc.
I recall that the "recipe" recommends taking valium or another benzo, but from what Emily and KC have shared about withdrawing from THESE drugs, I'd be careful about taking any of those myself.
I found that quinine helped with the restless legs, aka sharp stabbing burning pains in your feet and elsewhere. Quinine can be found in tonic water w/ quinine and there is a product in health food sections of most stores called, Hylands Restful Legs, that contains quinine as well. In my opinion, take a great deal more of the Hylands than is recommended on the label. My doctor presribed gabapentin, which seemed to help with the stabbing pains in my feet.
To help you TRY to sleep, pick up tylenol P.M. or bennadryl. You could see a doctor and tell him what you are about to do and get him to prescribe something to sleep. But it doesn't sound like your good doc even believes that tramadol causes withdrawal symptoms. It's a thought though. I went through this withdrawal without any prescribed sleep meds. And I didn't sleep much the first 4 nights either. Most people don't sleep much in early withdrawal. It won't last forever though it may feel like it will.
I took a week off from work and I wouldn't have wanted to try and work that first week due to the lack of sleep I was getting. So hopefully, you have a clear shot without many responsibilities. But some here HAVE worked through withdrawal. (Noodle girl, for example) Put off balancing your checkbook tha tweek too. Not that you'd feel like doing that anyway...
And pick up some epsome salts to use to take baths. I found that BATHS were helpful during those first 4-5 nights when sleep was so illusive. I still didn't sleep much, but soaking in the tub felt good anyway. I can't refall taking a bath now for 3 months. Neve wa a big bath guy. But at a time like this, prepare to splash into the old tub Randy. Incidentally, i recall tha i took up to 6-7 BATHS in one night, so make sure you have plenty of dry towells on hand.
It's funny what a little humor can do at a time like this. I still remember Emily threatening to rent a plane and tow a sign all over Los Angeles saying, "Fred takes BATHS". Find some humor in your situation Randy if you can. Laughing is another distraction. Distractions of any kind can help during this time.
Take hope in knowing that others have done this thing Randy. As much as possible, try not to look past the moment that you are in. If you haven't already done so, click on Emily's picture, scroll down on her "profile page" on the left, and read all of her personal journal entires. Post often and tell us how you aare doing.
And when you get two days into this thing and are tempted to go back...think about the time you have invested at that point. Because by that point, you will be half way through the acute withdrawal. The hellish flu like sympoms and stabbing pains won't last forever Randy.
Two final words to remember; HOPE & WAR.
When I found my way to this place, I didn't know people could actually stop taking this drug and survive it. Like you, I had experienced a couple of days of withdrawal several times as I ran out of pills. And I felt the withdrawal experience even when I was left to stretch those precious few pills until my next RX refill. This won't be any easier and no worse than thos times Randy. You just have to push through the experience and know that this too shall pass.
I think that it is important for someone like you to have HOPE. To believe that a power greater than YOU can get you through this. When I found this forum, I saw that others had done what I was about to do, and that became my hope...my higher power.
WAR: You seem to have already taken on the mindset of doing battle with this drug. I believe that when you read Emily's early journal entries (clicking on her picture, etc.) you will find a post included by someone named Cadillac Jack. He showed me that I need to prepare mentally for this battle, much the same as a soldier must prepare for battle. I was never in the military, but I got the picture. Any amount of determination less than a declaration of all out WAR will be insufficient to defeat this evil drug.
Doing this now won't be any harder than next year at this time. Time on the drug only tends to make withrawal more difficult. So congratuatlions on determining to STOP now.
Others will come along and add their insights and help. Once you defeat this monster, you too may feel a debt of graditude
that you may want to repay to others coming along behind you. Everyone is different. Some will swear by this thing or that. But ultimately, it's you and the drug. I'm betting on YOU Randy.
Courage and Strength,
Fred
Hang in there Randy. Fred is right about WAR. This really is a battle, a very difficult battle, for most of us. Many have gradually weaned off the Tramadol and had less severe withdrawal symptoms, but having the full-blown addictive personality that I have, I had doubts about the success I would have with that option. Plus, by the time I realized what was happening to my body (I just stopped the Tram cold turkey because I was tired of taking it and didn't think it was doing anything. I did not have a clue I was so dependent on it) when I stopped the tram, I was already 48 hours into the withdrawals and was NOT going back.
There are so many useful tools on here but coping techniques. I was telling a close friend yesterday about how this site has saved me. She looked at me a little unconvinced and in disbelief but I don't care. People who aren't addicts don't even really get us to begin with but that's OK. It's a good thing WE GET US -- unless we're in denial mode.
Now that most of my withdrawal is a week in the past -- PHEW! -- it is easy for me to say that I'm glad I went cold turkey and I WANT that awful, horrible, wouldn't-wish-it-on-anybody time to remain vivid in my brain because I never want to be tempted to touch a Tramadol again -- unless it is to shove it up the A$###### of some of these prescribing doctors touting its "Non-narcotic, non-addictive characteristics".
Go Fight the Battle and Win the War, Randy.
There are so many useful tools on here but coping techniques. I was telling a close friend yesterday about how this site has saved me. She looked at me a little unconvinced and in disbelief but I don't care. People who aren't addicts don't even really get us to begin with but that's OK. It's a good thing WE GET US -- unless we're in denial mode.
Now that most of my withdrawal is a week in the past -- PHEW! -- it is easy for me to say that I'm glad I went cold turkey and I WANT that awful, horrible, wouldn't-wish-it-on-anybody time to remain vivid in my brain because I never want to be tempted to touch a Tramadol again -- unless it is to shove it up the A$###### of some of these prescribing doctors touting its "Non-narcotic, non-addictive characteristics".
Go Fight the Battle and Win the War, Randy.
bjb, I am smiling at your comment about your telling a friend about how this site saved you and - how she looked at you unconvinced and in disbelief. I suspect she doesn't understand what it's like to be addicted to something like tramadol. And it's not like we were walking around voicing our distress at taking this poison. So, yeah, unless someone has been addicted to this stuff and tried to stop taking it themselves without a support group - I can only imagine the disbelief a friend may have.
Pearls to the swine I say.
Have a good day everyone. Fred
Pearls to the swine I say.
Have a good day everyone. Fred
If only the Moral Majority Personality would shut up over here! Geez Man! So annoying! I wholeheartedly agree with everything you wrote Kev! That's exactly how I Validate my emotions.
For example, this weekend, I spent time cleaning out the room of Clutter. This room harbors a huge amount of my past, my pain, my drug use. It has clothes in it that remind me of how "things were." There's indicators in there that while I was on Tramadol (and klonopin) I was out of control with the shopping. Seriously; I barely remember some of it. And it seemed so important at the time.
SO I was cleaning this room. Organizing and tossing. and as I was doing this the Moral Majority started to take root.
"You should have never taken any of these pills! Look at this! This is a HUGE unsolvable mess. Seriously, why didn't anyone stage an intervention! This room looks like a Crazy Bomb went off. You're probably Crazy. Only crazy people do stuff like this!"
Massive Judgement. Coupled with Benzo shakes and muscle pain and no sleep. As someone once said, no one dies from not sleeping. BUT ... yes, you may WANT TO! Exhausting. SO tiring. As if there wasn't already enough to deal with? So so so annoying.
So this morning after a horrible night of tossing and turning and listening to Dear Husband Snore ... which was making me crazy ... (Any noise wakes me up and then I have massive pain ... it's ridiculous!) ... I was laying there and this personality was blabbering on. I finally got to the roots. Feelings of anger, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, and yes, resentment.
The weird part is that of course, I know the difference between "myself" and "My emotions" and this is like ... Faux Emotions. It's the brains reaction to being down dosed off the Klonopin. It's very ... chemically created in a lab.
I have such fleeting emotions at this point, it's kind of amusing. Authentic Self knows that all of the above is nonsense. But withdrawal me? No. Withdrawal me is very very uncomfortable. But the fact remains that YES it is time to slowly ease myself back into a space that is supposed to be peaceful and calm. It got very Chaotic in this room. And frankly my mind got very confused.
And Kev, there's no way that I believe the Doctors who told me I needed Surgery. Just coming off the Tramadol; I was PAIN FREE after awhile. That took a few months, and then of course I had another car accident. (Which still hasn't been dealt with) SO that reactivated alot of pain. But yes, I question everything because even now; even in the last stages (and I believe possibly the hardest stages of a Benzo withdrawal, I have LESS pain than I did when I was on ALL THOSE DRUGS. It's so crazy! But it is undeniably true.
I do believe that in another year, this will all be a distant memory. A very unpleasant (but useful) memory!
One thing about early withdrawal and yes, a Benzo taper (which mimics early withdrawal for a long time) is that it's not easy. If this were easy, people wouldn't be on drugs. ESP the "safe" Tramadol. The darling of the chronic pain world. There's so much Rationalizing going on in that community. I certainly NEVER heard that pills would make me worse. Give me MORE pain. Make me so so so much worse off. Time to Pay Up! I finally got Doctor Groovy to admit to me that pain pills were making my pain worse. That was right before I fired him for being "Unwilling to taper me off Klonopin." Fact is; he wanted the money. I represent a certain amount of CASH MONEY to him every month. DO you really believe that he's going to take me as a patient who wants to taper off Klonopin? I'm FURIOUS when I think about that office. I went in to taper. Did I EVER hear from him that Klonopin could be tapered slowly or how to do that? NO! I heard how safe it was. I heard various Egomaniac Rants about how it is the safest Benzo on the market. I had to be on Klonopin LONGER than I wanted to because I couldn't figure out how to taper. I had to get online and research. There was one visit where told him that I had been online and he called that "Creating FEAR."
*Flips Dr. Groovy the Bird!* *Beats up his car!*
*Virtual; Stabba Stabba!*
And I'm not convinced at all that this man wasn't ON A BENZO. He was so .... off.
I see we have a new person (Hi Randy and Randy's Dad) ...who has been lied to about Tramadol withdrawal. Yes, there's a physical reaction with in a few hours of missing a dose. Dependence comes on very fast with Tramadol. And yes, withdrawal is much worse than "real Opiates." Makes me so angry for people! These Doctors have no idea what a mess they are creating! These people are playing a Cavalier Game with Human Souls. There is no justifiable reason that I SHOULD KNOW MORE ABOUT TRAMADOL than someone with the power to hand it out like candy. There's no reason. I pay them to know what they are doing, Not to half ignore me and read a copy of Golf Magazine. It makes me sick. I have lost all respect for these people.
Yes, this substance has been moved into a higher schedule even here in the US in several states. We have Countries who consider it a controlled substance. It's a huge issue. We're harming people. It's NOT GOOD! Doctors keep people on this for years. I was on Tramadol for 4-5 years. I have no idea how long it really was. THAT should tell us something!
Love and healing,
Em
(((((bjb))))) You're helping everyone here by posting ,,, all of us are really ...
For example, this weekend, I spent time cleaning out the room of Clutter. This room harbors a huge amount of my past, my pain, my drug use. It has clothes in it that remind me of how "things were." There's indicators in there that while I was on Tramadol (and klonopin) I was out of control with the shopping. Seriously; I barely remember some of it. And it seemed so important at the time.
SO I was cleaning this room. Organizing and tossing. and as I was doing this the Moral Majority started to take root.
"You should have never taken any of these pills! Look at this! This is a HUGE unsolvable mess. Seriously, why didn't anyone stage an intervention! This room looks like a Crazy Bomb went off. You're probably Crazy. Only crazy people do stuff like this!"
Massive Judgement. Coupled with Benzo shakes and muscle pain and no sleep. As someone once said, no one dies from not sleeping. BUT ... yes, you may WANT TO! Exhausting. SO tiring. As if there wasn't already enough to deal with? So so so annoying.
So this morning after a horrible night of tossing and turning and listening to Dear Husband Snore ... which was making me crazy ... (Any noise wakes me up and then I have massive pain ... it's ridiculous!) ... I was laying there and this personality was blabbering on. I finally got to the roots. Feelings of anger, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, and yes, resentment.
The weird part is that of course, I know the difference between "myself" and "My emotions" and this is like ... Faux Emotions. It's the brains reaction to being down dosed off the Klonopin. It's very ... chemically created in a lab.
I have such fleeting emotions at this point, it's kind of amusing. Authentic Self knows that all of the above is nonsense. But withdrawal me? No. Withdrawal me is very very uncomfortable. But the fact remains that YES it is time to slowly ease myself back into a space that is supposed to be peaceful and calm. It got very Chaotic in this room. And frankly my mind got very confused.
And Kev, there's no way that I believe the Doctors who told me I needed Surgery. Just coming off the Tramadol; I was PAIN FREE after awhile. That took a few months, and then of course I had another car accident. (Which still hasn't been dealt with) SO that reactivated alot of pain. But yes, I question everything because even now; even in the last stages (and I believe possibly the hardest stages of a Benzo withdrawal, I have LESS pain than I did when I was on ALL THOSE DRUGS. It's so crazy! But it is undeniably true.
I do believe that in another year, this will all be a distant memory. A very unpleasant (but useful) memory!
One thing about early withdrawal and yes, a Benzo taper (which mimics early withdrawal for a long time) is that it's not easy. If this were easy, people wouldn't be on drugs. ESP the "safe" Tramadol. The darling of the chronic pain world. There's so much Rationalizing going on in that community. I certainly NEVER heard that pills would make me worse. Give me MORE pain. Make me so so so much worse off. Time to Pay Up! I finally got Doctor Groovy to admit to me that pain pills were making my pain worse. That was right before I fired him for being "Unwilling to taper me off Klonopin." Fact is; he wanted the money. I represent a certain amount of CASH MONEY to him every month. DO you really believe that he's going to take me as a patient who wants to taper off Klonopin? I'm FURIOUS when I think about that office. I went in to taper. Did I EVER hear from him that Klonopin could be tapered slowly or how to do that? NO! I heard how safe it was. I heard various Egomaniac Rants about how it is the safest Benzo on the market. I had to be on Klonopin LONGER than I wanted to because I couldn't figure out how to taper. I had to get online and research. There was one visit where told him that I had been online and he called that "Creating FEAR."
*Flips Dr. Groovy the Bird!* *Beats up his car!*
*Virtual; Stabba Stabba!*
And I'm not convinced at all that this man wasn't ON A BENZO. He was so .... off.
I see we have a new person (Hi Randy and Randy's Dad) ...who has been lied to about Tramadol withdrawal. Yes, there's a physical reaction with in a few hours of missing a dose. Dependence comes on very fast with Tramadol. And yes, withdrawal is much worse than "real Opiates." Makes me so angry for people! These Doctors have no idea what a mess they are creating! These people are playing a Cavalier Game with Human Souls. There is no justifiable reason that I SHOULD KNOW MORE ABOUT TRAMADOL than someone with the power to hand it out like candy. There's no reason. I pay them to know what they are doing, Not to half ignore me and read a copy of Golf Magazine. It makes me sick. I have lost all respect for these people.
Yes, this substance has been moved into a higher schedule even here in the US in several states. We have Countries who consider it a controlled substance. It's a huge issue. We're harming people. It's NOT GOOD! Doctors keep people on this for years. I was on Tramadol for 4-5 years. I have no idea how long it really was. THAT should tell us something!
Love and healing,
Em
(((((bjb))))) You're helping everyone here by posting ,,, all of us are really ...
Hello All,
Welcome to our little corner of the interwebs Randy :) You will find a wealth of information here. My biggest recommendation is things off of the Thomas Recipe Fred mentioned. Tapering + Thomas Recipe is how I rebuked the demon. I could not have CT'd. I have no patience but I also didn't want to feel like I was dying because I had to work all through my detox/WD's... so CT wasn't an option. But if you are already experiencing WD from CT I wouldn't turn back (not worth it to go through it again), I fortunately had an option. I agree with Fred about your father, he needs to be prepared for this fight. Is he reading these forums with you? I think it would do you both good to read together and prepare together. You and your Father are in my thoughts and prayers. Randy, and everyone else still on the Tram-o-train-wreck. Remember, its a daily battle and you CAN win the WAR!
Today is day 13! I could have sworn that I was on the same day as **, but I counted and counted and still come up with 13 :) Sooo, almost 2 weeks TRAM FREE!!! I am finally seeing the light. Had a small touch of anxiety this morning but it passed and I am pretty good now. I feel tired more than anything but that is to be expected. If the warm weather will ever get here I think I will be in good shape because I will finally be able to get outside. Finally started to eat again too! Yesterday was the first day in over a year I ate more than once, and I ate my 3 square meals and snacked on fruit and chips and had a bowl of cereal before bed! I know your not supposed to eat before bed but dang I have some weight to gain back. Sooo anyone out there still having a hard time, it gets better, and there for a few days I was very very skeptical.
I am so thankful that I do not have cravings as Trams are readily available to me everyday (I did flush what I had left from my taper though). I think knowing I could get them at anytime helped strengthen my reserve for creating a new lifestyle. Knowing all it would take was just a call and it would be there, I had to pre-prepare myself for JUST SAY NO! So I built up my stock pile for my taper and then said No. No. No. Forever NO. If that makes any sense.
Kev, Thank you for clarification and examples on validating oneself. I am printing that out and keeping it with me. That is my #1 thing to work on next. Validating myself and others, especially my kids. Sometimes, I find myself invalidating their feelings to try to help them feel better, to hopefully make them realize that in the grand scheme of things some things don't matter, but I need to realize to them at the time it does matter and hopefully they will grow out of letting the small things bother them, but till then, they need to be validated. When you have been on a tram-o-train-wreck it is especially hard to think before speaking/reacting (darn the impatience of it all!) so this is going to be a task for me. But to be a better person, this is a top priority. I hope I can accomplish it as successfully as you seem to have. I am happy for you for that :) And happy you have shared your know how. Without you, Fred, and Emily's wisdom where would I be? I dunno, but I wouldnt be as well as I am (still a ways to go but positivity!)
Emily - Huggles and love and prayers heading your way. Hope you are having a good day today :)
I must end here for now!
Eternally Grateful!
~Noodle
Welcome to our little corner of the interwebs Randy :) You will find a wealth of information here. My biggest recommendation is things off of the Thomas Recipe Fred mentioned. Tapering + Thomas Recipe is how I rebuked the demon. I could not have CT'd. I have no patience but I also didn't want to feel like I was dying because I had to work all through my detox/WD's... so CT wasn't an option. But if you are already experiencing WD from CT I wouldn't turn back (not worth it to go through it again), I fortunately had an option. I agree with Fred about your father, he needs to be prepared for this fight. Is he reading these forums with you? I think it would do you both good to read together and prepare together. You and your Father are in my thoughts and prayers. Randy, and everyone else still on the Tram-o-train-wreck. Remember, its a daily battle and you CAN win the WAR!
Today is day 13! I could have sworn that I was on the same day as **, but I counted and counted and still come up with 13 :) Sooo, almost 2 weeks TRAM FREE!!! I am finally seeing the light. Had a small touch of anxiety this morning but it passed and I am pretty good now. I feel tired more than anything but that is to be expected. If the warm weather will ever get here I think I will be in good shape because I will finally be able to get outside. Finally started to eat again too! Yesterday was the first day in over a year I ate more than once, and I ate my 3 square meals and snacked on fruit and chips and had a bowl of cereal before bed! I know your not supposed to eat before bed but dang I have some weight to gain back. Sooo anyone out there still having a hard time, it gets better, and there for a few days I was very very skeptical.
I am so thankful that I do not have cravings as Trams are readily available to me everyday (I did flush what I had left from my taper though). I think knowing I could get them at anytime helped strengthen my reserve for creating a new lifestyle. Knowing all it would take was just a call and it would be there, I had to pre-prepare myself for JUST SAY NO! So I built up my stock pile for my taper and then said No. No. No. Forever NO. If that makes any sense.
Kev, Thank you for clarification and examples on validating oneself. I am printing that out and keeping it with me. That is my #1 thing to work on next. Validating myself and others, especially my kids. Sometimes, I find myself invalidating their feelings to try to help them feel better, to hopefully make them realize that in the grand scheme of things some things don't matter, but I need to realize to them at the time it does matter and hopefully they will grow out of letting the small things bother them, but till then, they need to be validated. When you have been on a tram-o-train-wreck it is especially hard to think before speaking/reacting (darn the impatience of it all!) so this is going to be a task for me. But to be a better person, this is a top priority. I hope I can accomplish it as successfully as you seem to have. I am happy for you for that :) And happy you have shared your know how. Without you, Fred, and Emily's wisdom where would I be? I dunno, but I wouldnt be as well as I am (still a ways to go but positivity!)
Emily - Huggles and love and prayers heading your way. Hope you are having a good day today :)
I must end here for now!
Eternally Grateful!
~Noodle
hello, im 17 days, i think off tram,my pain is less, on cocodamol. im forgettful, but feel like ive got a bad flu, without the runny nose. ive walked along the rocks and beach today,running up and down sanddunes with my kids and nieaces and nephews. ITS BEEN WONDERFUL.wouldnt have considered it two weeks ago.
Now for Randy, ive come on here full of war tonight.WE got a call about an elderly aunt who is in hospital with a broken wrist following a fall..She is 74, and has sciatica also,ive been in tears, she is a shadow of herself and looks very old.shes normally funny,witty, agile. mentally well..She tells us shes frightened,extremely anxious,feels like shes losing her mind,inactive,scared to be on her own,tearful, not eating,weeing,in extreme pain,the list goes on,,,,WHATS she on....Tramadol.She was giving it in january, taking it as and when sometimes 8 per day,she cant remember. she stopped it c/t. cause dr px dyhidrocodeine for excess pain and has been feeling worse..in hospital they have started her back on tram..she now takes tram, dyhydro,paracetamol and they are starting her tonight on an anxiety tablet....I just wanted to take her home but couldnt..she is all alone in there and they think shes just herself..
What do I do.? because I think she will understand I told her my experience of tram and that i didnt think she was going mad..but randy its a lot for a 74 year old to take in....however i did see a glimmer of something there .I kept telling her id help her get better.but like you, she haS TO WANT TO DO IT. and she will have to suffer worse than now, although shes already in a bad way...
But the doctors dont see this woman is in withdrawal and needs to be with someone and lots of care.... Ive talked to the nurse and she is getting doctor to ring me tomorrow, but what do i say.i dont feel a calm person right now.Im taking her info in tomorrow so she can read about tram herself.
Its one thing weaning yourself but helping someone else is a different ball game.
Tramadol seems to be the drug of choice here in england.thats three places this week ive seen it px,to vulnerable older people.
Continue all your good work everyone, a lot of what you are saying is over my head cause im new to this drug thing, and dont feel equipped to manage my aunt, although il have to try to help her.
Your words and insights are very helpful.Like Randy any advice would be helpful,
Now for Randy, ive come on here full of war tonight.WE got a call about an elderly aunt who is in hospital with a broken wrist following a fall..She is 74, and has sciatica also,ive been in tears, she is a shadow of herself and looks very old.shes normally funny,witty, agile. mentally well..She tells us shes frightened,extremely anxious,feels like shes losing her mind,inactive,scared to be on her own,tearful, not eating,weeing,in extreme pain,the list goes on,,,,WHATS she on....Tramadol.She was giving it in january, taking it as and when sometimes 8 per day,she cant remember. she stopped it c/t. cause dr px dyhidrocodeine for excess pain and has been feeling worse..in hospital they have started her back on tram..she now takes tram, dyhydro,paracetamol and they are starting her tonight on an anxiety tablet....I just wanted to take her home but couldnt..she is all alone in there and they think shes just herself..
What do I do.? because I think she will understand I told her my experience of tram and that i didnt think she was going mad..but randy its a lot for a 74 year old to take in....however i did see a glimmer of something there .I kept telling her id help her get better.but like you, she haS TO WANT TO DO IT. and she will have to suffer worse than now, although shes already in a bad way...
But the doctors dont see this woman is in withdrawal and needs to be with someone and lots of care.... Ive talked to the nurse and she is getting doctor to ring me tomorrow, but what do i say.i dont feel a calm person right now.Im taking her info in tomorrow so she can read about tram herself.
Its one thing weaning yourself but helping someone else is a different ball game.
Tramadol seems to be the drug of choice here in england.thats three places this week ive seen it px,to vulnerable older people.
Continue all your good work everyone, a lot of what you are saying is over my head cause im new to this drug thing, and dont feel equipped to manage my aunt, although il have to try to help her.
Your words and insights are very helpful.Like Randy any advice would be helpful,
Kev, I re-read your post on validation. Here is my biggest take-a-way: If I can identify why I am feeling a certain way, tell myself it's valid to feel a certain way, then instead of blowing off those feelings that develop BECAUSE of the root causes of those feelings, I am validating. Or in short, maing sure things don't build up.
I especially could relate to your phrase, "If we are 'behind on our feelings' it may take time to catch up". What I am seeing is that things we let fester - they tend to wind us too tightly. Like an old fashioned spring clock.
My great uncle made a 18" toy car for my dad, that my dad passed down to me. It was built circa 1920, so it's rather "rough" by today's toy standards. But the guy was a master craftman. The car has a welded metal chassis and he tooled the round wooden wheels on a wood lathe he had out in his shop. This thing is "powered" by a real life clock spring, which, when you release a gear, it unwinds and powers the car forward by way of a worm drive he put together. As was the way in circa 1920, there is a crank on the front of the car, intended to tighten/wind up the clock spring. And it has a little steering wheel connected to the front wheels, that a person (me) can turn the car with as it moves forward.
Growing up, I used to play with this beast of a toy, but I had a tendancy to overwind the clock spring. Because when I wound it really tightly, it would take longer time for it to catch up (unwind). Yes, my dad warned me against winding it too tightly, but alas, I broke the darned spring.
At my "begging", dad took the toy car back to his great uncle to repair for us. By that time, the old gentleman was probably 70 years old. I'd ask my dad about my toy periodically, but old uncle Harold had only one speed by that point in his life - and it wasn't fast.
I didn't see my toy tractor again for ten years - until after my great uncle died. Shortly after he passed away, someone came upon the toy in his shop with my name on it. As a young man, I finally got my toy car back, AND HE HAD REPAIRED IT BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY.
I could write more about that thing, but I suppose the points I am TRYING to make are these: (1) like an old clock spring, if we keep cranking and cranking, our emotional springs could possibly sorta kinda break, (2) if we haven't unwound our emotional springs in a while, as Kev said, it may take time to catch up, and (3) even a broken spring can be repaired, but (a) you may need to take it to the master craftsman, (b) his time frame for fixing us, may be different than our own, and (c) sometimes in life, good surprises happy when we least erxpect them.
2Sue, your story with your grandma sounds awful. It's a sad state of affairms when we feel like we mus "rescue" our lived ones FROM THE HOSPITAL in order to protect them. My thoughts and best prayes are with you and your grandma.
Noodlegrl, OK, so I pulled my monitor up close enough to see that you dropped the "i" in your screen name. You ,my dear are the poster grl (smile) for tapering and continuing to work while withdrawing! As many have said her before, we each have our ways for defeating this demon drug, and your way certainly worked for you. Which points top the fact that there is more than one way to defeat this drug. CONGRATS on 13 days. It gets nothing but easier and better going forward, (looking for the 4 font type here), unless you are ALSO trying to over come some other drug.
Goodnight all,
Fred
I especially could relate to your phrase, "If we are 'behind on our feelings' it may take time to catch up". What I am seeing is that things we let fester - they tend to wind us too tightly. Like an old fashioned spring clock.
My great uncle made a 18" toy car for my dad, that my dad passed down to me. It was built circa 1920, so it's rather "rough" by today's toy standards. But the guy was a master craftman. The car has a welded metal chassis and he tooled the round wooden wheels on a wood lathe he had out in his shop. This thing is "powered" by a real life clock spring, which, when you release a gear, it unwinds and powers the car forward by way of a worm drive he put together. As was the way in circa 1920, there is a crank on the front of the car, intended to tighten/wind up the clock spring. And it has a little steering wheel connected to the front wheels, that a person (me) can turn the car with as it moves forward.
Growing up, I used to play with this beast of a toy, but I had a tendancy to overwind the clock spring. Because when I wound it really tightly, it would take longer time for it to catch up (unwind). Yes, my dad warned me against winding it too tightly, but alas, I broke the darned spring.
At my "begging", dad took the toy car back to his great uncle to repair for us. By that time, the old gentleman was probably 70 years old. I'd ask my dad about my toy periodically, but old uncle Harold had only one speed by that point in his life - and it wasn't fast.
I didn't see my toy tractor again for ten years - until after my great uncle died. Shortly after he passed away, someone came upon the toy in his shop with my name on it. As a young man, I finally got my toy car back, AND HE HAD REPAIRED IT BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY.
I could write more about that thing, but I suppose the points I am TRYING to make are these: (1) like an old clock spring, if we keep cranking and cranking, our emotional springs could possibly sorta kinda break, (2) if we haven't unwound our emotional springs in a while, as Kev said, it may take time to catch up, and (3) even a broken spring can be repaired, but (a) you may need to take it to the master craftsman, (b) his time frame for fixing us, may be different than our own, and (c) sometimes in life, good surprises happy when we least erxpect them.
2Sue, your story with your grandma sounds awful. It's a sad state of affairms when we feel like we mus "rescue" our lived ones FROM THE HOSPITAL in order to protect them. My thoughts and best prayes are with you and your grandma.
Noodlegrl, OK, so I pulled my monitor up close enough to see that you dropped the "i" in your screen name. You ,my dear are the poster grl (smile) for tapering and continuing to work while withdrawing! As many have said her before, we each have our ways for defeating this demon drug, and your way certainly worked for you. Which points top the fact that there is more than one way to defeat this drug. CONGRATS on 13 days. It gets nothing but easier and better going forward, (looking for the 4 font type here), unless you are ALSO trying to over come some other drug.
Goodnight all,
Fred
geez, sorry for all the typos in that last post. :(
I stopped taking Tramadol 9 days ago and I dont have any cravinhs for it anymore but am suffering with SEVERE insomnia. I gave tried everything to help me sleep. Benadryl, tylenol pm, nyquil and those make me sleepy but cant fall asleep because of the anxiety and worst of all, that fluttery butterfly feeling in my stomach. I am 35 years old and physically fit but lack of sleep is affecting my job. Can anyone tell me when to expect this insomnia to subside? When I finally sleep, it is very hard to wake up. Hopefully, sleep will return to normal soon. But when? cant take much more of this.
Hi Brian,
I know what you are feeling. Insomnia and anxiety were the worst withdrawal side effects for me.
The insomnia was pretty intense for me for about 22 days (I had to look bad in my journal to make sure).
I know it seems like a long time, but the good news is that the insomnia lessened for me as I approached the 22 day mark. In other words, I found myself sleeping for longer periods of time each night. There was another guy on this post a while back who was still suffering from insomnia at 24 days. I remember emailing him at 30 days and asking him if his sleep at gotten better and he reported that it did.
However, others on this forum reported that their insomnia subsided well before 24 days - so maybe you will fall into that category. Either way, hang in there....it's tough, but each day you are getting one day closer to good sleep and getting this poison out of your body.
As for the butterflies and seemingly relentless anxiety....at Day 59, I still suffer from that, but then again, I am withdrawing from a benzo - so it could be the benzo withdrawal. I am trying to learn to deal with the anxiety. It's so hard because there is a part of my brain that is screaming, "You are CRAZY KC! You need more meds! You can't do this because you NEED to be on meds!"
I am fighting these voices. I am not as good as Emily at distinguishing between the "drug (faux) voices" and the ones that are real. Since I can't remember suffering from anxiety, insomnia, and all of these other crazy feelings BEFORE I took drugs, I am trusting people who have gone before me that these will go away with time.
Sincerely with hope and love,
kc
I know what you are feeling. Insomnia and anxiety were the worst withdrawal side effects for me.
The insomnia was pretty intense for me for about 22 days (I had to look bad in my journal to make sure).
I know it seems like a long time, but the good news is that the insomnia lessened for me as I approached the 22 day mark. In other words, I found myself sleeping for longer periods of time each night. There was another guy on this post a while back who was still suffering from insomnia at 24 days. I remember emailing him at 30 days and asking him if his sleep at gotten better and he reported that it did.
However, others on this forum reported that their insomnia subsided well before 24 days - so maybe you will fall into that category. Either way, hang in there....it's tough, but each day you are getting one day closer to good sleep and getting this poison out of your body.
As for the butterflies and seemingly relentless anxiety....at Day 59, I still suffer from that, but then again, I am withdrawing from a benzo - so it could be the benzo withdrawal. I am trying to learn to deal with the anxiety. It's so hard because there is a part of my brain that is screaming, "You are CRAZY KC! You need more meds! You can't do this because you NEED to be on meds!"
I am fighting these voices. I am not as good as Emily at distinguishing between the "drug (faux) voices" and the ones that are real. Since I can't remember suffering from anxiety, insomnia, and all of these other crazy feelings BEFORE I took drugs, I am trusting people who have gone before me that these will go away with time.
Sincerely with hope and love,
kc
howdy again all...its been a while.
I will try to read through some of the posts when I get a chance but lifes been a little hectic lately. I have been wanting to come back in and see hows everyone doing but I have actually been sleeping through the night lately which is when i usually have time to post.
I have been doing well all things considered, haven't had any craving for the tramadol and haven't even thought twice about ever injesting it again. Went through a little bout of the kidney stones for a while and of course the docs gave me vicoden...but am happy to report thats done and gone and the vicoden is too...it amazes me how much easier it is to get off vicoden a narcotic...than the " doctor approved to be safe and non addictive devil pill tramadol". I hate to wish bad things to happen to folks but I hope one day my doctor has a need to take tramadol...just so he has to go through the " withdrawls in his head..."
the ones that dont exist as he put it. I have switched doctors.
Havent had a baby boy yet...any day now...got the nursery all done in JOHN DEERE...(yeah we're rednecks)... just waiting for mama to say lets go...i swear everytime she twitches I grab my car keys and the baby bag...I CANT HANDLE THE PRESSURE!! JUST COME OUT!!!!
heres a great suggestion to take your mind off withdrawls for an hour or two....put a stroller together. I was so damn mad I my whole body was twitchin not just the legs...I could probably go outside tear the engine in my truck down and rebuild it without instructions...but hand me a box with baby stroller parts in it and an instuction book?...it might have been easier to make it from scratch!..
Really though I hope everyone is doing well. Getting off the tramadol was one of the hardest things I have had to do and it sure made it alot easier to have people to talk to who understand what the day to day stuggle is like. I know this stuggle will continue and maybe some day if I let em those little voices in my head could say " hey lets make that pain go away again...just two little white pills!..." but i will remember not being able to sleep for 4 days straight...and using the cushion on the couch to bury my legs under to try to make the restless twitching legs stop. ( that doesnt work by the way my legs just twiched under the couch cushions) I dont know if I could do those withdrawls again. So I wanted to give a big thank you to this room for the understanding and the strength and listening to my many aimless ramblings. I could not be where I am now without your help.
For those of you who are new in here...you have found a great place. Great people.
I did read RandyQs message.....
RandyQ: Man you are in the same place i was in a few weeks ago. I actually recommended this pill to my 68 yr old mother for her back pain. Luckily I had a chance to tell her " DONT DO IT!!!" before she went to the doctor. I was in the same place out of my pills sometimes 3-4 days before my refill. At the time I had a friend who had the same stuff so If I ran out early and the withdrawls got too intense I could borrow a few to make it to refill day. I knew it was going to be a fight when I got the courage to go cold turkey off of tramadol but it had to be done. It seems you know what the withdrawls will be like...and just keep thinking this is the last time I have to go through them. The really hard part for me was the first week...I am a grumpy ******* when I am sick...I hate to sneeze or runny noses the worst so once I got through that part...the rest was easier. Its like the flu on steriods...and thats what i kept in my head. I have been sick before after a week or two i feel better...i dont like it.... but i tried to think of the withdrawls the same way...just another week and it will get better. Then for me kidney stones took over and all the sudden i didnt give a rats *** about any withdrawl anymore!...lol. I dont suggest trading withdrawls for kidney stones...they both really suck. Good luck with you and your dad. Its gonna be tough but just keep your head up and help your dad keep his up too. Another thing that made me feel great was after about a week...I too had refills available...I went into the pharmacy and told them to cancel my refills. I felt like I had power...if even for that minute...it felt great.
I will try to come around a little more often but with mama ready to deliver any time now its hard to say from day to day.
Talk to you later friends,
The Hillbilly....
I will try to read through some of the posts when I get a chance but lifes been a little hectic lately. I have been wanting to come back in and see hows everyone doing but I have actually been sleeping through the night lately which is when i usually have time to post.
I have been doing well all things considered, haven't had any craving for the tramadol and haven't even thought twice about ever injesting it again. Went through a little bout of the kidney stones for a while and of course the docs gave me vicoden...but am happy to report thats done and gone and the vicoden is too...it amazes me how much easier it is to get off vicoden a narcotic...than the " doctor approved to be safe and non addictive devil pill tramadol". I hate to wish bad things to happen to folks but I hope one day my doctor has a need to take tramadol...just so he has to go through the " withdrawls in his head..."
the ones that dont exist as he put it. I have switched doctors.
Havent had a baby boy yet...any day now...got the nursery all done in JOHN DEERE...(yeah we're rednecks)... just waiting for mama to say lets go...i swear everytime she twitches I grab my car keys and the baby bag...I CANT HANDLE THE PRESSURE!! JUST COME OUT!!!!
heres a great suggestion to take your mind off withdrawls for an hour or two....put a stroller together. I was so damn mad I my whole body was twitchin not just the legs...I could probably go outside tear the engine in my truck down and rebuild it without instructions...but hand me a box with baby stroller parts in it and an instuction book?...it might have been easier to make it from scratch!..
Really though I hope everyone is doing well. Getting off the tramadol was one of the hardest things I have had to do and it sure made it alot easier to have people to talk to who understand what the day to day stuggle is like. I know this stuggle will continue and maybe some day if I let em those little voices in my head could say " hey lets make that pain go away again...just two little white pills!..." but i will remember not being able to sleep for 4 days straight...and using the cushion on the couch to bury my legs under to try to make the restless twitching legs stop. ( that doesnt work by the way my legs just twiched under the couch cushions) I dont know if I could do those withdrawls again. So I wanted to give a big thank you to this room for the understanding and the strength and listening to my many aimless ramblings. I could not be where I am now without your help.
For those of you who are new in here...you have found a great place. Great people.
I did read RandyQs message.....
RandyQ: Man you are in the same place i was in a few weeks ago. I actually recommended this pill to my 68 yr old mother for her back pain. Luckily I had a chance to tell her " DONT DO IT!!!" before she went to the doctor. I was in the same place out of my pills sometimes 3-4 days before my refill. At the time I had a friend who had the same stuff so If I ran out early and the withdrawls got too intense I could borrow a few to make it to refill day. I knew it was going to be a fight when I got the courage to go cold turkey off of tramadol but it had to be done. It seems you know what the withdrawls will be like...and just keep thinking this is the last time I have to go through them. The really hard part for me was the first week...I am a grumpy ******* when I am sick...I hate to sneeze or runny noses the worst so once I got through that part...the rest was easier. Its like the flu on steriods...and thats what i kept in my head. I have been sick before after a week or two i feel better...i dont like it.... but i tried to think of the withdrawls the same way...just another week and it will get better. Then for me kidney stones took over and all the sudden i didnt give a rats *** about any withdrawl anymore!...lol. I dont suggest trading withdrawls for kidney stones...they both really suck. Good luck with you and your dad. Its gonna be tough but just keep your head up and help your dad keep his up too. Another thing that made me feel great was after about a week...I too had refills available...I went into the pharmacy and told them to cancel my refills. I felt like I had power...if even for that minute...it felt great.
I will try to come around a little more often but with mama ready to deliver any time now its hard to say from day to day.
Talk to you later friends,
The Hillbilly....
Hey Hillbilly!
Glad you are back!
LOL at the stroller example - so true!
You have been missd.
Glad you are back!
LOL at the stroller example - so true!
You have been missd.
Brian -- Sorry to hear about your insomnia. It is really the worst, espcially when coupled with restless legs. The line from Hillbilly about wanted to bury your legs under the sofa cushion rings sooooooooo true. I am now on Day 13 -- lucky 13 -- and had been sleeping at least 6 hours every night for the past week but had a bad night again last night. I'm not quite sure. I slept a total of 4 hours (3 at one time and then another lone hour). I had restless legs during a lot of my waking hours.
I know no one dies from lack of sleep but it sure seems to take a toll on your mind and body especially after being short sleep for several days in a row. You get so vulnerable. I've been taking a low dose of Trazedone which is an antidepressant/sleep aid that was prescribed for me 12 years ago in alcohol rehab. Prior to my Tram withdrawal I was only taking 1/2 pill on occasion when I couldn't sleep (which wasn't very often considering I could sleep for 10+ hours a night on the Great Tramadol). I've been taking one a night since going cold turkey from Tram and sometimes that doesn't even work.
I hope to get off Trazedone totally once my sleep patterns are restored.
Hang in there. Things WILL get better. YOU WILL get better.
I know no one dies from lack of sleep but it sure seems to take a toll on your mind and body especially after being short sleep for several days in a row. You get so vulnerable. I've been taking a low dose of Trazedone which is an antidepressant/sleep aid that was prescribed for me 12 years ago in alcohol rehab. Prior to my Tram withdrawal I was only taking 1/2 pill on occasion when I couldn't sleep (which wasn't very often considering I could sleep for 10+ hours a night on the Great Tramadol). I've been taking one a night since going cold turkey from Tram and sometimes that doesn't even work.
I hope to get off Trazedone totally once my sleep patterns are restored.
Hang in there. Things WILL get better. YOU WILL get better.
Day 14 (2 whoooooole weeks)
Awww, thanks KC. Everyday I feel a little different, sometimes different good, sometimes different indifferent, sometimes different not so good, lol. But yes, this thing is as good as beat as far as I am concerned! Hallelujah! And all of you can do the same! (Tries to not count all the chickens before they've hatched, proceed cautiously for fear of random WD/DT symptoms and PAWS!)
This morning, had some abdominal wall cramps, like when I was pregnant if I slept on my back for too long. Not sure if it was related to withdrawals or not. They have subsided now. Mild anxiousness upon waking also. Took 1 L-Theanine and now I feel ok for the most part, but feels like my pre-tram nervous jitters. I can deal though as long as I don't get overwhelmed by something. In which case I will put into action the "Validation Method" :) Sooo glad its hump day.
Hillbilly - LOL @ the stroller example!! Hiyas and glad to meet ya! Congrats on baby boy :) Sooo happy you are beating Tram before you baby comes, now you will be able to experience the miracle fog-free :) What a blessing!
Sue - I am sorry to hear about your Aunt. That is terrible. Doctors and their damn invalidating excuses. I get more and more upset and angry every time I hear about a doctor saying its all in your head. You feel what you feel and even if it WAS all in your head, who cares, you still feel it and they can't say otherwise because they ARE NOT YOU!!! Infuriating... I mean, I kinda get where doctors come from - WHEN someone is trying to GET a medication they may not NEED, but when you are trying to come OFF a medication that is making you feel horrible its like WTH they should take you seriously because you know your own body much better than they do regardless (in these instances of tram-p
Awww, thanks KC. Everyday I feel a little different, sometimes different good, sometimes different indifferent, sometimes different not so good, lol. But yes, this thing is as good as beat as far as I am concerned! Hallelujah! And all of you can do the same! (Tries to not count all the chickens before they've hatched, proceed cautiously for fear of random WD/DT symptoms and PAWS!)
This morning, had some abdominal wall cramps, like when I was pregnant if I slept on my back for too long. Not sure if it was related to withdrawals or not. They have subsided now. Mild anxiousness upon waking also. Took 1 L-Theanine and now I feel ok for the most part, but feels like my pre-tram nervous jitters. I can deal though as long as I don't get overwhelmed by something. In which case I will put into action the "Validation Method" :) Sooo glad its hump day.
Hillbilly - LOL @ the stroller example!! Hiyas and glad to meet ya! Congrats on baby boy :) Sooo happy you are beating Tram before you baby comes, now you will be able to experience the miracle fog-free :) What a blessing!
Sue - I am sorry to hear about your Aunt. That is terrible. Doctors and their damn invalidating excuses. I get more and more upset and angry every time I hear about a doctor saying its all in your head. You feel what you feel and even if it WAS all in your head, who cares, you still feel it and they can't say otherwise because they ARE NOT YOU!!! Infuriating... I mean, I kinda get where doctors come from - WHEN someone is trying to GET a medication they may not NEED, but when you are trying to come OFF a medication that is making you feel horrible its like WTH they should take you seriously because you know your own body much better than they do regardless (in these instances of tram-p
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