May 21, 2013
Here is the situation:
My husband starting working at his current job in Dec. 2011. He works the mornings. The night trainer (who is no longer there) would leave out of town a lot so hubby would fill in. He met this man and his son working the night shift. Well the man, named Howard, really liked the training. Howard ended up switching to mornings so he could work with DH. A few months later DH starting working 6 days/week so Howard signed up for unlimited training and started coming in every single day to train with DH.
The training sessions are an hour long. Howard arranged it so he is usually DH's last session of the day. He did this so he could stay back and workout for another hour with DH when he got off work. So they would work out together for another hour to hour and a half. They have "contests" to see who is stronger.
Then another trainer left so DH took on Sunday's too. So he was working 7 days a week. He works pretty far so we weren't seeing much of him. Howard started training 7 days a week. He also started inviting DH to his house which DH never accepted and he also started asking him out to lunch on Fridays.
It got to the point that DH was ignoring us to hang out with Howard, usually by staying back late at work after clocking out so he and Howard could work out and/or talk. I would get angry and because DH could work out at home and he was spending less and less time with the kids and they missed him.
The day after our 5th Wedding Anniversary I asked him to not go to lunch with Howard so he could talk to me. He said he would but then completely blew me off and went to lunch with Howard. Dh got angry at me becuase I got upset.
Howard also stayed back one day until DH got off work so he could take him on a ride through the city in his fancy rental car; a Tesla. So DH went on this ride with him and then Howard bought him lunch. Oh, did I mention that Howard gave him $100 for christmas and then another $100 'just because' in February.
Howard is a 51 year old white male, married with two teenage children. He is a work at home lawyer and has many friends and family yet he spends too much time with DH which takes away from our family. DH does not get the luxury of working from home and seeing his children whenever he wants.He worked 50 days straight with no day off. This includes a split shift on Tue/THur so he is gone from 5:30am -9:30pm. After his day off he has currently worked another 41 days straight with a split shift on Mon-Fri for two weeks as he filled in for another trainer. We barely see him.I have no problem with him hanging out with his friends but he says that Howard is not a friend and he doesn't know how to say no to him and that Howard is pushy.
It got so bad that I honestly questioned if they were having a relationship. Then Howard found out he had prostate cancer. He had the surgery and cannot train for a month. The first week Howard had surgery was the same week DH started working Mon-Fri from 5:30 am to 9:30 pm. He would come home exhausted. He left Howard a get well message on FB but did not contact him that week. By Friday of that week Howard starting calling him at 9:30 at night then when that didn't work he starting calling in the morning. DH ignored it so Howard started texting him. When DH ignored that Howard showed up to the gym to talk to DH. This was last Wed. DH relented and went out to lunch with him on Friday.
I told DH that Howard is acting like a jealous girlfriend. Howard is used to seeing DH 7 days a week and as soon as he is not able to see him and Dh starts spending time with us, his family, Howard can't stop bothering us. DH said he told Howard he wanted to spend more time with us and couldn't go out on Friday but Howard begged him so DH gave in.
So yesterday I jokingly said that I bet Howard would contact him this week and want to go out to lunch. Sure enough Howard calls at 8:30 pm and when DH didn't answer he text him saying he wants to take DH out to lunch on Friday.
Oh and Howard even went to the owner of the gym and went on this long spiel about how hard DH is working and how he deserved to get his raise starting this paycheck (it was supposed to start with the June 1st pay period). The owner agreed and started his raise early so now DH feels obligated to go out to lunch. I think Howard did that knowing he would feel obligated.
I do not like this man. He has his own family. He should spend time with his family especially with this cancer scare. He is taking away from DH's time with his own children. DH needs to grow some 'you know what" and tell Howard no and stand firm in that 'no'. He does not owe Howard anything.
I call it a weird relationship because not only does Howard have his own family but he has friends at the gym. He has NEVER asked anyone else (client or employee) out to lunch. He does give money to anyone else. One lady that helped him during his cancer trains at the same time Howard use to but he never asks her out.
I fill that this man may be gay and has an attraction to my husband. I feel that he tried to woo him with his money and lavish lifestyle. He throws money at DH, takes him out and pays for it every time, rents fancy cars and takes him on rides and the second he is away from DH he calls, texts and shows up at his work. This is weird and not right.
My husband has been a personal trainer for 9 years. He has NEVER allowed a client to treat him this way. This is way over the line professionally. It has caused problems in our marriage yet DH refuses to do anything which makes me think he has feelings he's not telling me about. I tell him to just be honest and we will work on it but he insists there is nothing going on. On the day we had our daughter's 6th Birthday party he stayed back 30 minutes extra at work to talk to Howard. It was really disappointing. He has other clients that bring him things like food or small gifts all the time because he is a great trainer but none of them ask him out to lunch, their house etc.
If there is nothing going on then that's great however, professionally he has crossed the line with this client and needs to stop it. I worry though that Howard will cause trouble if DH 'breaks it off" with him. I don't know what to do!
PS (TMI following so don't read if you can't handle it)
When they first started hanging out together DH shaved his rear which he has never done in the 7 years I have known him. I thought it was really weird and he did it another time and then he stopped because I bothered him about it. But come on, that is weird!
Also Dh and I have had many fights over this. I feel like he is putting me second to Howard. I am his wife and I told him this thing they have bothers me and it's unprofessional and needs to stop. Instead he hangs out with Howard more and yells and fights me when I bring up the subject. I feel that I should be more important and if it bothers me he should stop going out with Howard. He doesn't owe Howard anything so why risk our marriage over it? And yet he does.....