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The beginning of a long road
Mar 31, 2008 11:02PM
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Most of the posts/entries I've been reading have been from those who are addicted to or abusing drugs. I've got another story to tell and perhaps someone out there will be able to relate.
My boyfriend of 6 years has been abusing Tramadol for the past 3 years. He is the love of my life, my everything. While I knew about his drug use, I never knew it was as bad as it was until yesterday when I got a call from an EMT. He was riding with my boyfriend in an ambulance; he had just had a seizure. I later found out that he had taken 12 50mg tablets of Tramadol. I was 3 hours away in my hometown visiting for the day with family. I was terrified, shaking - a mess. My mom had to drive me back home and my sister, an RN for 10 years came with us for support. I feel like my whole world just came crashing down.
I don't see myself as living an 'out of control' life. I'm 26 years old, have a BS in Management and have been working at the same job since I graduated. I've always done for myself and never asked for help. I consider myself to be successful, although my job is a dead end and I'm miserable there. I do run the place after all.
My boyfriend has been struggling since the day I met him. He's got more baggage than a plane headed for LA. Issues with self-worth, his family, self-image - and now drug addiction.
Together we have an apartment, for which I mostly pay for and that's ok with me. He finally graduated with a BS in Electrical Engineering last fall and has been trying to get a good paying job. He currently works as a manager in a Liquor store- not exactly his dream job. We smoke pot a few times a week, rarely drink and stay in and keep to ourselves. Does this make us bad people?
Now that the truth is out in the open I'm a complete mess. His parents are freaking out, my mom is quite shocked by everything as well. I find myself questioning my whole adult life. How did I let this happen to the person I love more than life itself? How could I have been so blind to what was right in front of me? Am I a bad person? A drug addict? A disappointment to my family and his?
The only thing I know for sure right now is that I'm at the beginning of a long road. I can't even see where it goes or what's ahead. Just more uncertainty than I've ever had to face before in my life. I don't really have many friends, at least none that I trust with all of this information. I'm feeling quite alone, afraid, hopeless. My boyfriend is my main support and if he's in this deep, who will be there for me? I have always been 'the rock' in the past but this is a bit much for me to handle alone. My shoulders are just not that wide.
If there is anyone else out there that is dealing with a loved one facing addiction, please reach out. While there are many addicts here that need advice and support, there are those of us that are facing this situation from a different angle. We need support too!
My boyfriend of 6 years has been abusing Tramadol for the past 3 years. He is the love of my life, my everything. While I knew about his drug use, I never knew it was as bad as it was until yesterday when I got a call from an EMT. He was riding with my boyfriend in an ambulance; he had just had a seizure. I later found out that he had taken 12 50mg tablets of Tramadol. I was 3 hours away in my hometown visiting for the day with family. I was terrified, shaking - a mess. My mom had to drive me back home and my sister, an RN for 10 years came with us for support. I feel like my whole world just came crashing down.
I don't see myself as living an 'out of control' life. I'm 26 years old, have a BS in Management and have been working at the same job since I graduated. I've always done for myself and never asked for help. I consider myself to be successful, although my job is a dead end and I'm miserable there. I do run the place after all.
My boyfriend has been struggling since the day I met him. He's got more baggage than a plane headed for LA. Issues with self-worth, his family, self-image - and now drug addiction.
Together we have an apartment, for which I mostly pay for and that's ok with me. He finally graduated with a BS in Electrical Engineering last fall and has been trying to get a good paying job. He currently works as a manager in a Liquor store- not exactly his dream job. We smoke pot a few times a week, rarely drink and stay in and keep to ourselves. Does this make us bad people?
Now that the truth is out in the open I'm a complete mess. His parents are freaking out, my mom is quite shocked by everything as well. I find myself questioning my whole adult life. How did I let this happen to the person I love more than life itself? How could I have been so blind to what was right in front of me? Am I a bad person? A drug addict? A disappointment to my family and his?
The only thing I know for sure right now is that I'm at the beginning of a long road. I can't even see where it goes or what's ahead. Just more uncertainty than I've ever had to face before in my life. I don't really have many friends, at least none that I trust with all of this information. I'm feeling quite alone, afraid, hopeless. My boyfriend is my main support and if he's in this deep, who will be there for me? I have always been 'the rock' in the past but this is a bit much for me to handle alone. My shoulders are just not that wide.
If there is anyone else out there that is dealing with a loved one facing addiction, please reach out. While there are many addicts here that need advice and support, there are those of us that are facing this situation from a different angle. We need support too!