Jun 09, 2013
Had a fantastic weekend. ON Sat., a most incredible marvelous, indescribable experience occurred. A vision came to me. I wasn't imagining or just thinking it. It just came. I KNOW it was real! First vision ever. Heard about them, didn't believe really, sort of did, but was skeptical. NOW I KNOW THEY ARE REAL! Not drug-induced, either, haha!. Sunday, I had a revelation. Too incredible to write it all here. The main point is I sacrificed something that I've been wanting to get rid of for a long time. I'd kept all the pills that my psych experimented with, on me & that I weaned myself off as they made me more ill. I kept them for some reason, maybe as I was taught to 'waste not, want not', or maybe for 'just in case'. In case of what, I asked myself! There were quite a few, but not enough to do away with myself in case I ever felt suicidal (I used to, especially being on these pills). So, I knew the time had come to gather them & throw them out. I did & felt so free, a burden lifted! I'd even kept 2 old repeat scripts. Turfed them out & all. I even threw the latest ones out from my psych at my appt on 20th May,the Olanzapine, that when I researched it, there was no way I was going to take. Can't wait to tell her on the 17th June. Hopefully I can stop seeing her. Cannot afford it & I know she was just trying to help, but really, how ignorant. She obviously doesn't have time to keep up with the latest research on meds. Anyway, the weaning of valium, & zopiclone is hard some days, but mostly I am doing very well indeed. I am proud of myself! Had none yet & dread the thought I have to take them, or suffer needlessly, prolong the weaning period etc. So, much as I hate them & feel strong enough to not take them at all, I know that is dangerous & could set me back. Damn, damn, damn! Hopefuly by summer, I'll be free of them. YES, I WILL BE! Sooner, if I can get away with it. My faith in God has proved to be an amazing thing! Wonderful, miraculous things are happening to me. Tummy pain healed & the 2 surgeons I've seen,can't explain it. (I still get it when I first sit up in bed when I wake, but that's probably the prolapse. Idk. It goes after prayer, that's all I know!). Waiting for the op to fix that. Have to wait for the hosp to call, to book me in. My mental attitude is just SO positive. I am being healed in every way. PRAISE BE TO GOD! And THANK YOU, JESUS! I never would have believed it a few months ago. Wish I'd written down the date when I first came back to God, accepted Jesus as my Savior again. Good things are happening at last, after so many years of darkness, illness & bad news. I can't explain it, but FAITH WORKS!