Jun 18, 2013
I am so sad and depressed. I don't know what the hell it is? I miss the happy me...I was happy....then I get hit with fatigue and all I think about is how much longer will this last? I think to myself, "If I walked into my Dr.'s office Today and he could see the condition i was in he would take me serious and STOP Blamming it on my methadone maintenance which I've been off since May of 2012? yes, May of 2012"! There is something wrong? is it my Thyroid? is it my hormones? All I know is I'm so tired of not being happy I'm tired of not wanting to get out of bed then when I do, I count down the hours till I can go back to bed. My son is studying to get certified so he and his dad can go scuba diving and I watch this amazing young man (17 but looks 20) work so hard studying and I can't find JOY in that? WTF?
I have had thoughts of using but I know absolutely NO ONE so It's all good there. It's just fleeting thoughts of using....
I'll go a whole day with no appetite then the next day Im starved...?
The last time I was at my Dr. Appt and told him of my excessive fatigue he blamed it on my Xanax. I've been taking them for 12 years AS PRESCRIBED never once abused them or exceeded the amount....So I started taking half in the morning and half 4 hours later by 2 pm I'm riddled with anxiety STILL tired as H3LL.
I've become increasingly terrified of going out just like I was when I was diagnosed with severe panic disorder and anxiety. Grocery shopping becomes a "sit in my car praying to God to get me in the store for 15 minutes before I actually get out of my car" I can't even go thru a drive through for a cup of coffee or a FROSTY from Wendys?
I'm so pissed ....I've accomplished SO much worked SO hard to get and stay clean to THIS???
I feel like I'm missing out on life again but this time it's not 25+ pills a day that's causing it.........
Ok I'm done just needed to finally vent .....I know my medhelp friends are always here I just waited so long to reach out.....................