Jun 26, 2013
I have been away from myself. I have not been listening to my music cept in the car. I come home, turn on the air conditioning, and watch tv. I lie on the sofa and watch tv.
the whole goal and purpose is not to leave the house.
work has been hell, my boss is asking more and more of me, and the others try to help but its too complicated. today I f*cked up by putting over 1500 cash in the wrong place and she called me at home. this is not like me and also I hate that she asks this of me, but whatever. La Chula and Louis decorated the conference room with streamers and such for Ari's party and 2 other girls are leaving tomorrow, the director got angry she don't like decorations she thinks its not befitting a school so she yelled at me about that too. I felt bad. its not really my fault but somehow im supposed to remember that I should tell them not to do this. idk its just like one more person yelling at me. it's ok like everyone come on yell at Meegy especially if your a guy tell me how bad I am and how horrible a person I am come on lets go
I felt so bad all week like I eat one more thing than oz sez and I gain like 100 pounds. yeah its true. oh yes S and im old too you can say all that stuff too including the nasty stuff bring it on man
I felt like I just looked raggy and yucky my hair is so dumb I cannot control it anymore I seriously look like a witch. and my clothes are ill fitting and im broke so they all old like from the Less Than Zero era
yeah its true I look so freakin wack it aint funi
so I had to go to the like, vegetarian market and restrant cuz they have a dope gift shop there yeah literally like hemp? and they have nis jewelry I wanted to get Ari something nice she going back to Mexico and I never see her again. a loss. and she is my fave student she was there with me since the fire she start when I start.
and um. I went there straight after work. I tell God speffikee, 'God please donut put a Man in my path becuz I donut want to talk to anyone or pretend to look cute or nothing I donut want to see no one.'
I put my big giant hair right in my face and like that walk in. some Guy he is Older and a little Freaky but Nice he start talkin to Meegy. say "hey do you like this water' and talk all about water that is my favorite drink sides coffee so I was engaged in this Discussion and felt a little more Human. then he say 'do you like coffee' and of course meegy like to talk about coffee so we talk about that too. we walk around the store a little he show me some Tofu Dream mcthingacutty and so it was fun and I sort of ok I sort of had a good time. he told me 'it was nice talking to you' as he was leaving.
then as I was talking to myself cuz I have not learned how Not to Talk to Myself in Stores I was trying to find something to bring to the party tomorrow
it was like 'cheddar bunnies'? some kind of gluten free thingy or such I was saying this out loud "cheddar bunnies?' and I look down the aisle there is this very Fine Looking Young African American man staring at me as I am saying cheddar bunnies. oops
and also I got the loan but stead of processing for 2500 like I ast they give me 10k I donut want this cuz I donut want to be in debt again
but its coolio cuz I can goto the lawyer tomorrow and start that process and that will feel maybe good maybe
maybe I spend a little extra the money I ok I have to admit I caint see a dang thing up close so ima get summa them fancy reedin glasses they have idk but MM says you can get em at the dollar store im not sure what do you think. I did see some fancy ones in tha drugstore they pink and black and 25 dollars.
im not sure. money scares me. I think its good tho cuz I don't have to wait for my uncle.
I am not sure all around I just feel nervous and depress when I am not one I am the other
mainly it stems from the ac and other mean ppl
I just feel the meanness like daggers seeping into me
rr too. it just bothers me. all this time and he cant even say its ok meegy. am I that bad?
you don't have to answer that.
anyway that's all I feel like riting. I been going to bed at 830 I am serious. I just sleep and sleep and sleep
tomorrow is my Last Day. vacation. yay.
maybe I will just lie on the sofa all week.
what do you think.
my dr sean penn is on vacay this week.
all around it has been a stellar week.
I miss u . a lot