raquel414's Profile
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raquel414 is
in chronic pain, and gonna lose it...
About Me:
Female, 31, upstate - NY, member since Mar 2008
i am a mom to a 10yr. old boy, i used to enjoy cooking, baking, doing country crafts, shopping,watching the food network,watching movies, listening to music, reading. i say "used to" because i have lost interest in these things since the car accident, along w/ other tra...
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i still have hope.....
Apr 03, 2008 06:30PM
- 3 comments
well, here i sit, still in pain having had a wisdom tooth pulled on mar.17th., developed dry socket, and now have a really sore jaw, and swollen glands, and my right ear killing me...i have a doc. appoit. tomorrow,(actually had to reschedule that till' monday) hoping to get some answers...been depressed for a couple of months now, was in a bad car accident back in december,(december 21st. to be exact) yep, 4 days before christmas . where the brakes failed, and i hit a cement bridge coming of an exit to come home..e-brake failed too. air bag went off in my face , seat belt tore my neck up, n shoulders .i had chemical burns to my face, and neck,lips swollen like a freak...thank God i've healed..(my face)..vehicle was totalled...but hey, im alive...that's what everyone keeps telling me...still doesnt stop the post traumatic stress i developed, along w/ panic/anxiety attacks....i was planning on going back to school in january, (before the accident). but i've pretty much been home bound, since the accident.
i'm extremelly releived that i have stumbled upon this website, and now can talk/send messages to my friends out there who are going through if not the same, but similar things i am going through. originally, i was in pain , and agony over having a wisdom tooth extracted, and developing "dry socket". though still suffering w/ symptoms of this condition, i can talk to /relate to others about my anxiety, and other mental/physical health issues....i beleive that God has brought me here . originally , i was googling dry socket, and now i've found.a place where i can vent, inquire, and relate....
Hi Raquel
Your very pretty! It's nice to put a face with the people we talk to. You are about my daughter's age, 22-23. Very beautiful girl.
I just got back from Kaiser. The doctor spent more one on one time with me. I told her how I was feeling, the ringing in the ear, the blurred vision, the dizziness, the clogged ear...
She sent me to have an x-ray done and it only took me minutes to do it. I am nervous about the results but I do hope for the best. I was given muscle relaxers which will relax my body when I feel the intense pain throughout my face, ears, etc. She said I was very tense. She asked me to only take one when the pain is really bad and not three a day as directed. She doesn't want me to be depended on medication. She wants to get the results back first and then we can move on from there. I was also given Deep Sea Premium Saline, a Nasal Moisturizing Spray.
The Doctor said if I do not get better than she will request that I be sent to a Nose, Ears and Throat specialist. The doctor said I have to first go through steps; x-ray, antibiotics, etc., before being sent to a specialist. She didn't' give me antibiotics yet, she wants to see what the x-rays look like first.
I haven't had any anxiety for 4 days. Every morning when I open my eyes, I look for it. I can't believe something like anxiety can control someone's life the way it does. For something that is so powerful, it should have been given a bigger name. LoL!
Your very pretty! It's nice to put a face with the people we talk to. You are about my daughter's age, 22-23. Very beautiful girl.
I just got back from Kaiser. The doctor spent more one on one time with me. I told her how I was feeling, the ringing in the ear, the blurred vision, the dizziness, the clogged ear...
She sent me to have an x-ray done and it only took me minutes to do it. I am nervous about the results but I do hope for the best. I was given muscle relaxers which will relax my body when I feel the intense pain throughout my face, ears, etc. She said I was very tense. She asked me to only take one when the pain is really bad and not three a day as directed. She doesn't want me to be depended on medication. She wants to get the results back first and then we can move on from there. I was also given Deep Sea Premium Saline, a Nasal Moisturizing Spray.
The Doctor said if I do not get better than she will request that I be sent to a Nose, Ears and Throat specialist. The doctor said I have to first go through steps; x-ray, antibiotics, etc., before being sent to a specialist. She didn't' give me antibiotics yet, she wants to see what the x-rays look like first.
I haven't had any anxiety for 4 days. Every morning when I open my eyes, I look for it. I can't believe something like anxiety can control someone's life the way it does. For something that is so powerful, it should have been given a bigger name. LoL!
Hi Raquel,
I can certainly relate to the way that you're feeling, and it stinks, doesn't it? I've suffered from the panic attacks since I was about 25, which is 31 yrs now (boy, I'm not getting any younger). I know I developed agorophobia back then, and had a baby and a 4 yr. old, and couldn't even leave to do my grocery shopping. I ended up getting a divorce when I was 27, as he pretty much cheated on me the whole time. It was horrible having to try to find a job, when I, like you, had been pretty much homebound for over a year. But, I got a job, and within a year after my divorce was totally panic attack free, and got my life back. That's the strange thing about panic disorders---they can leave as quickly as they start, but then they seem to come back again. I have a brother who was as bad as I was, and he luckily never had his come back, so he was lucky. Anyway, I remarried when I was 32, and though he seemed like a nice guy, ending up being very abusive. I got pregnant shortly after we got married with twin boys, but when I was about 6 1/2 mos. pregnant, he beat the heck out of me for about 12 hrs., and by the time he finally would take me to the hospital, the babies were dead, so I delivered two stillborn baby boys. I stayed with him for 8 yrs. out of sheer terror, until I could get a plan to safely leave. The panic attacks came back with a vengeance about 2 yrs. into the marriage. I divorced him after 8 yrs. of hell, and basically left when he was at work and took nothing but my two sons, and left him a note that I didn't want any of our material possessions, and we had a lot, I just wanted him to never darken my doorstep. After I left him, obviously he didn't kill me, as I'm writing to you, so that's good! I was actually panic attack free, basically, until about 6 yrs., and then they hit with a vengeance, along with severe depression, too. I've also been on klonopin for 25 yrs., so I'm an addict to that, too, and wonder if that's causing some problems. About 2 yrs. I lost my job because between the depression and panic attacks, I had a hard time showing up for work. I'm now on disability, but don't get medicare for 2 yrs. 5 mos., how stupid is that? So I can understand the no insurance thing. How do they expect you to get better and off disability if you can't afford to go to the Dr.? I also was in a bad car accident about 3 yrs ago, coming home from work, and like you, it made the panic attacks and PTSD really kick in. An 18 yr old kid just flew through a red light and t-boned me, totally my car and his. I mostly have suffered with a lot of back pain from it, as I'd been in another more serious accident years before, and now the few times I drive I am so nervous someone will plow into me again. I can't drive on bridges, viaducts, interstates, highways, etc. Wierd, huh? I have a 34 yr. old son who has had diabetes since he was a baby, and was such a happy, smart, compassionate guy, but at age 18 began the journey into drug hell, and his current addictions are alcohol, meth, pot, Xanax, Zoloft, Aterol, and anything else he can get his hands on. He's decided I'm the enemy, since I've done a few involuntary commitments, trying to save him, but I can't. He's constantly getting in car accidents, falling through windows, having horrible insulin reactions, etc., yet he won't talk to me, so I hear all of this from his friends. My sweet son lives a block away, and is killing himself, and I feel like I'm waiting every day to get the call that his body just couldn't take it anymore. It breaks my heart, and I'm sure contributes to my depression A LOT!
Anyway, I will end this now, and my next message won't be so long, I promise. I bought a key chain that says "it's all about me" because it seems like it's become all about me and this stupid depression, etc. I pray for the day that I can have a life again outside my apt., and a conversation that doesn't refer at all to my depression, panic disorder, or how my son is killing himself. At this point, and for many years, I've prayed and prayed, and I guess I'll keep praying.
Try to keep the faith okay, and like I said, with the panic disorder, it really can all of a sudden go away, and I hope it does for you. I've had one good psychiatrist through all these years, and he had told me that, and he was right. It's just too bad that then it ever needs to come back again, but he'd also warned me that could happen, too. The depression is awful, too, I know what you mean there, too. I think people think you can just "suck it up", but unless they've ever dealt with clinical, mind-blowing depression, it's hard for them to understand it's not just a case of the blues.
Please keep me posted on how you are doing, and send me a message anytime you want to talk. After my long intro here, I promise I won't be quite so long-winded next time, okay?
I'm off to the shower. I have a hard time even doing that because #1, it takes some motivation and #2, I get so dizzy all the time I'm afraid I'll drown in the shower! But I'm going to give it a shot! Someday we shall overcome, Raquel, we really will. In the meantime, we will depend on our good friends on here to help us when we need it, and say a lot of prayers.
Sondra
I can certainly relate to the way that you're feeling, and it stinks, doesn't it? I've suffered from the panic attacks since I was about 25, which is 31 yrs now (boy, I'm not getting any younger). I know I developed agorophobia back then, and had a baby and a 4 yr. old, and couldn't even leave to do my grocery shopping. I ended up getting a divorce when I was 27, as he pretty much cheated on me the whole time. It was horrible having to try to find a job, when I, like you, had been pretty much homebound for over a year. But, I got a job, and within a year after my divorce was totally panic attack free, and got my life back. That's the strange thing about panic disorders---they can leave as quickly as they start, but then they seem to come back again. I have a brother who was as bad as I was, and he luckily never had his come back, so he was lucky. Anyway, I remarried when I was 32, and though he seemed like a nice guy, ending up being very abusive. I got pregnant shortly after we got married with twin boys, but when I was about 6 1/2 mos. pregnant, he beat the heck out of me for about 12 hrs., and by the time he finally would take me to the hospital, the babies were dead, so I delivered two stillborn baby boys. I stayed with him for 8 yrs. out of sheer terror, until I could get a plan to safely leave. The panic attacks came back with a vengeance about 2 yrs. into the marriage. I divorced him after 8 yrs. of hell, and basically left when he was at work and took nothing but my two sons, and left him a note that I didn't want any of our material possessions, and we had a lot, I just wanted him to never darken my doorstep. After I left him, obviously he didn't kill me, as I'm writing to you, so that's good! I was actually panic attack free, basically, until about 6 yrs., and then they hit with a vengeance, along with severe depression, too. I've also been on klonopin for 25 yrs., so I'm an addict to that, too, and wonder if that's causing some problems. About 2 yrs. I lost my job because between the depression and panic attacks, I had a hard time showing up for work. I'm now on disability, but don't get medicare for 2 yrs. 5 mos., how stupid is that? So I can understand the no insurance thing. How do they expect you to get better and off disability if you can't afford to go to the Dr.? I also was in a bad car accident about 3 yrs ago, coming home from work, and like you, it made the panic attacks and PTSD really kick in. An 18 yr old kid just flew through a red light and t-boned me, totally my car and his. I mostly have suffered with a lot of back pain from it, as I'd been in another more serious accident years before, and now the few times I drive I am so nervous someone will plow into me again. I can't drive on bridges, viaducts, interstates, highways, etc. Wierd, huh? I have a 34 yr. old son who has had diabetes since he was a baby, and was such a happy, smart, compassionate guy, but at age 18 began the journey into drug hell, and his current addictions are alcohol, meth, pot, Xanax, Zoloft, Aterol, and anything else he can get his hands on. He's decided I'm the enemy, since I've done a few involuntary commitments, trying to save him, but I can't. He's constantly getting in car accidents, falling through windows, having horrible insulin reactions, etc., yet he won't talk to me, so I hear all of this from his friends. My sweet son lives a block away, and is killing himself, and I feel like I'm waiting every day to get the call that his body just couldn't take it anymore. It breaks my heart, and I'm sure contributes to my depression A LOT!
Anyway, I will end this now, and my next message won't be so long, I promise. I bought a key chain that says "it's all about me" because it seems like it's become all about me and this stupid depression, etc. I pray for the day that I can have a life again outside my apt., and a conversation that doesn't refer at all to my depression, panic disorder, or how my son is killing himself. At this point, and for many years, I've prayed and prayed, and I guess I'll keep praying.
Try to keep the faith okay, and like I said, with the panic disorder, it really can all of a sudden go away, and I hope it does for you. I've had one good psychiatrist through all these years, and he had told me that, and he was right. It's just too bad that then it ever needs to come back again, but he'd also warned me that could happen, too. The depression is awful, too, I know what you mean there, too. I think people think you can just "suck it up", but unless they've ever dealt with clinical, mind-blowing depression, it's hard for them to understand it's not just a case of the blues.
Please keep me posted on how you are doing, and send me a message anytime you want to talk. After my long intro here, I promise I won't be quite so long-winded next time, okay?
I'm off to the shower. I have a hard time even doing that because #1, it takes some motivation and #2, I get so dizzy all the time I'm afraid I'll drown in the shower! But I'm going to give it a shot! Someday we shall overcome, Raquel, we really will. In the meantime, we will depend on our good friends on here to help us when we need it, and say a lot of prayers.
Sondra
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